Groyper Teen Hunger Force

[00:00:00] The average employee has 7.8 suicidal thoughts per day, 18 panic attacks a year, and wonders once an hour, every hour, why this is happening to them.

[00:00:32] Groyper Teen Hunger Force, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking. Groyper Teen Hunger Force, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, Jason and this is Brian. You ever feel like you're living in history? Yeah, the shitty parts. We really are living around, living in the find out part. Unprecedented times.

[00:01:02] Precedent amounts of finding out in our day-to-day. I wish it would stop, honestly. Yeah. I'm going to be honest. The fire hose of news and stuff. You know, but this is not really 2017 felt. I know. It feels like it's gotten worse, though. I just feel like it's faster and faster. It couldn't just be that I'm paying more attention. Entirely possible. I think it's because you kind of know what's already coming. Yeah.

[00:01:31] You kind of know the tone and the beat of the bullshit. It's a song you've heard before. Yeah. But now it's worse. It's the sequel to a movie that you know by heart. Yeah. You're waiting for the shoe to drop. Yeah. It's bad times, Daddy. Bad times, Daddy. Yeah. So this week we're kind of breaking format because there's just so much shit. So much shit to talk about. And we're going to be loudmouths and give our opinions on it on an episode.

[00:02:00] I'm tentatively titling, Oops, All Scams. Yeah. It's crime season, baby. I think it's the term that is going around. We're no longer in the cool zone. No, I wish we were in the cool zone. We're in crime season. We were in the cool zone for like a month when Luigi Mangione was still at large. But no, no, we're no longer in the cool zone. We were in the cool zone for a couple months. So, you know, when chops was happening in Portland and stuff. But no longer. You mean Chaz?

[00:02:30] Was it Chaz? I thought it was Chaz. It was in Seattle. The Chaz in Seattle. You're right. I was mistaken. Probably because it feels like it was a million years ago. Yeah, it does. Yeah, I still remember during the early days of the pandemic, my born-again Christian former hair metal guitarist co-worker banging on his desk in his office about how the bullshit fix of the government won't let me go to the gym. He needs his gym time, folks.

[00:03:00] And that was five years ago. I'm trying to center myself because I want to... Hey, did you hear there's a new COVID? Several, in fact. And the old one's still around. Classic style is still here. Classic. You can get... It's, uh... It's new Coke and classic Coke. New Coke classic. That's a little sweeter than the old COVID. I don't know if I like it. Not a fan. Not a fan. Don't really... Feels like you're going to a subway and then they ask you, do you want toasted? And you're like, the fuck? That's a quiz... Why are you doing Quiznos shit?

[00:03:29] Because you ain't going to do as good. No. When's the last time you've been to a Quiznos? When's... Oh, Jesus. A decade, at least. There is one Edwardsville. Okay. It's not too far from where I live. I can't think of the last time I ate a Quiznos. There's one in North County where I live that was owned by an Asian family. It was way too big for the amount of business they were doing, which was none. And now it's a really bad Mexican restaurant. But, like all things in North County, once it eventually... Some part of its life cycle, it becomes a Mexican restaurant. Eventually. Eventually.

[00:03:59] It's like carcinization. Eventually, it's going to become a... It's Mexican restaurantization. It's just... All things revert to Mexican restaurant. Yes. So, I was like, I have not had a Quiznos in forever. And she was like, well, let's fucking do it. I got a traditional. I forgot what she got. There was just like a wave of sadness. Because it wasn't like going up to Chicago... Yeah. ...and seeing like, oh, they still make Allsport. Oh, yeah, sure. You know? Like, oh, there's still places you can get this.

[00:04:28] I said, okay, I'll get a fucking Lime Allsport because, you know, it's like, you know, the nostalgia. Sure. You know, something weird. You know, you see something, you go to a party, you're like, oh, you can still get this here? Weird. You still get Vest Pineapple? Yeah. It's pink. I felt while we were eating that the Iraq War was still going on. You were transported.

[00:04:53] I felt like I was in that really weird Justin Timberlake movie where he's singing the killer song while drinking a Bud Light. Oh, Southland Tales. I felt like I was in Southland Tales. Like, I was like, this feels like the end of a certain era of American imperialism. I'm trying to explain this to this very sweet woman that I'm dating, and she's just like, okay.

[00:05:19] You're wondering, like, probably in the back of your head, like, is this going well? What am I doing? I was just like, yeah, this felt weird. This felt like going to house parties where people are making drinks that aren't real. They're like, yeah, I'm going to put root beer schnapps in ginger ale because it's the only thing we have. You know? And you're like, well, I want to get drunk tonight because I'm 19 and life sucks because the Iraq War is going on.

[00:05:47] And there's a goddamn monkey in the White House. He's saying, who said bananas? Yeah. I don't even like oil. Yeah. You power up comics. I don't even like oil. And then later in the White House, wearing a white t-shirt that just says, I love oil. That's the whole joke. The world's falling apart. Everything is happening all at once.

[00:06:13] Douglas Rushkoff would say that we are experiencing present shock, which is to say that the narrative is changing so quickly. The conversation, the monoculture, what little is left, is rapidly evolving. It feels like once you get adjusted to one situation or set of variables in a certain configuration, the rug gets pulled out from under you. Yeah. And it's like daily.

[00:06:39] But this is also how Trump's first go around the White House felt at least the first six months to me, where it just felt like pretty much everything up until Charlottesville felt like every day was just like another fucking kick in the nuts or something else to sonically abuse you. And then I think he's kind of become numb to it. You have to, I guess. I mean, that's what they're kind of relying on. I mean, that's half of the stuff we're talking about.

[00:07:05] It feels like it's designed to wear us down, to make us more passive or just so exhausted that we just can't put any resistance. I'm experiencing that same exhaustion, just like, oh, God, what is happening? Because our first topic, I love the response to what's happening. So everyone knows that there is a bit of a run on eggs, as it were.

[00:07:30] Prices are going up because they had to cull the flocks because of bird flu, which is going to continue to go on unchecked. And then it's going to jump from birds to humans, which it's already starting to do in certain places. Yeah. The people in New York, the only city in the world, they have a solution. And their solution is the same as it was when you couldn't afford a whole pack of cigarettes. That's right, folks. According to the New York Post, the headline can't shell it out.

[00:07:57] NYC bodegas selling Lucy eggs as bird flu causes prices of cartons to skyrocket. The first graph, they're taking a crack at making eggs affordable. New York City bodegas are selling Lucy style eggs a la notorious single cigarettes as bird flu shortages send the prices of cartons skyrocketing. The Post has learned.

[00:08:19] Fernando Rodriguez, 62, owner of Pamela's Green in the Bronx, said many of his customers simply cannot shell out the $10.99 for a full carton of the beloved breakfast food. Quote, these people don't have enough money to buy a dozen eggs, so I have to sell them separately. When I saw how high the price of eggs has become, he decided to break it down into small bags. Here he is pictured with some of these bags, and it is just a little baggy, twist-tied. Three, four eggs in a bag.

[00:08:48] I don't know if it's the projector here, but the person who edited this photo could have at least fucking did the white balance correctly. Look at that. Look at those eggs on the table. Blown out. Absolutely fucking blown out. You can't tell shit. You can fix that. You can fix that in Lightroom. Listen, if you're writing for the New York Post, or taking photos for the New York Post, you've got nothing but time. Don't tell me you were too busy to get the eggs looking right. Here's my thing. I think they had to crank the brightness because it's probably dark as shit in there.

[00:09:16] My favorite little detail that has gone unremarked is the Cafe Bustelo packets behind him. There's both the cans and the bricks. But yes, it says here he would typically sell a dozen large eggs for $2.49. He now offers three large grade A eggs in a plastic bag for $2.99. If you need exactly three eggs for a recipe. For when you just need a few eggs.

[00:09:41] Rodriguez, who hails from the Dominican Republic, said he hatched the plan after seeing how huevos are hawked in his homeland. We used to sell single eggs in the Dominican Republic, he said. I know how difficult it is for families to afford eggs and milk. Fernando Mateo, a spokesman for the United Bodegas of America, is quoted as saying, It's not a choice. It's a necessity. We know our customers. We know their struggles. While slinging loose cigarettes is illegal.

[00:10:09] Selling individual eggs may be in more of a legal gray area. Industry sources said. The egg industry was contacted about this story. So that's fun. It does say that bodega owners could still run a foul of the law because New York State requires eggs to be sold in packages labeled with grade count and size. On Wednesday, some obelent loving shoppers said they initially thought the bags of three were a joke.

[00:10:39] No eggs adgerating. Boy, they're really face-fucking these puns. These puns are far from egg-cellent. No. And so that led me to a couple of Blue Sky users who have started a simple three-word phrase to describe the situation. And it is simply, Trump take egg. And I love the simplicity of that.

[00:11:08] It's got a yes-we-can ring to it. Trump take egg. It's grammatically incorrect. But Trump take egg. Where did it start? Well, this article written by Joe Bergewitz at Fast Company tries to explain it. One of the first major political memes to emerge on Blue Sky in the Trump 2.0 era. Trump take egg is a pithy, grammatically fraught way to assign ownership over a leading economic hardship.

[00:11:36] It can be found accompanying photos of empty store shelves, high prices, and signage about egg rationing, the kind of photos that haunted Biden's entire inflation-ravaged presidency. The idea for the meme hatched with daytime Emmy-winning editor for TV and film Michael Tay Sweeney, who made the first recorded Trump take egg post-February 4th. Sweeney got inspiration not online, but out in the wild,

[00:12:03] where he witnessed firsthand the sweeping panic over rising egg prices. He was quoted here as saying, Every single cart at the Costco, besides mine, already had two cartons of 60 eggs in it, which is the most you're allowed to buy in one trip, he recalls. I beelined to the dairy section and was lucky to get some of the last eggs available that day. Other guys were pulling out their phones to take pictures of the empty egg case. It felt like it was all anyone wanted to talk about.

[00:12:32] Although it may scan as goofy, Trump take egg is an organic free-range rallying cry. Now see, that's how you do the pun. That's how you do that. Yeah, it's a couple levels deeper than shell or egg or... Running afoul. Do modern yoke lore. You know, like whatever. See? We're doing the thing. But yes, Trump take egg has evolved into things like Trump caused traffic because he wanted to end the traffic congestion program in New York.

[00:13:01] Other things like Trump crash plane has also been bandied about by the same folks. And so at least we got a few good jokes in. But yeah, eggs are a problem. I haven't had to buy eggs for a minute. That's usually not... You don't cook with eggs a lot? I don't. I mean, I... A lot of my own devices, yeah. I actually like a good egg sandwich. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Until my previous job where I was having to get up at 3.30 in the morning,

[00:13:31] didn't really have time for eggs. So I didn't fuck with eggs then. And now, I mean, like if I want protein, I've got other... I'm going to go waffles or something. Sure. There's other protein-rich foods. Oh, yeah. No question. But see, I bake. All right? So a lot of eggs are baking. What was the last time you bought eggs? How much were they? Bought eggs Thursday because we were doing stuff for the kids' birthday. We were making cakes. I needed a bunch of eggs.

[00:13:58] And it was $7.50 at Aldi. Damn. Yeah. So it was not great. And that was a dozen large, you know, just regular egg order. I don't get the extra large eggs because fuck that. It's just extra whites. You don't really get any, you know what I mean? It's not like the yolks are bigger. Yeah. And for me, the yolk's the part I want. That's where all the good shit's at. Well, yeah. I'll use it as a binder in like a meatloaf. Gotta have that. Absolutely.

[00:14:27] Or it keeps my burgers together. Yeah. I mean, there's all kinds of good reason to want to have eggs around. And actually, we made stuffing the other night. And egg is a great binder for kind of a stuffing to give it a nice little... Not a big stuffing guy, but I trust your stuffing. Yeah. Well, because we do the White Castle stuffing, so... Oh, yeah. Yeah. Once you start doing it that way, there's no other way. You do White Castle stuffing and it's like, this is the only way.

[00:14:56] I can't go back. I can't just go back to this regular dry-ass stuffing. I gotta have the one with the little burger in it. Stuffing kind of sucks. It might be low-key. Depending on your family, it might be the worst Thanksgiving food. I gotta give that to green beans. Oh, fuck you. Come on. You don't like a good green bean casserole? It's not that I don't like a good green bean casserole. It's that a good green bean casserole is hard to find. See, I'm blessed.

[00:15:22] I come from a family where we have multiple individuals that can make a fantastic green bean casserole. And I'm lucky that on my dad's side, there's a couple individuals that can make a very respectable stuffing. My mom's side, on the other hand, not their strong suit. Now, if you want a good turkey, you want a good ham, both sides of my family are very confident in that realm. Oh, lucky duck. Yes. I've tried multiple times and just fucked it up. So, I'm just kind of like, you know what? This isn't for me, clearly.

[00:15:51] I'll take the cauliflower with the peas. For whatever reason, green bean has not hit. Even with the little fried crunchy onions on top. I'll just eat the fried crunchy onions off the top and just not fuck with the green beans. Because if it's not done well, you know what I mean? Like, you've got to take that first bite and go, nope. Because you know right away. You know right away when the green beans are bad. My dad, he'll do the fried onions or he'll do caramelized onions. Slow and low. For sure.

[00:16:19] If you've got the time and the inclination, absolutely. Please do. But, yeah, it's just, it's, I've decided at a certain point, like, eh, you know what? I'm good. I don't even bother with it anymore. Because for me, it's mashed potatoes, it's stuffing, it's the turkey. The turkey itself, the cranberry, you know, sweet potatoes if you've got them. Some people don't do them. I fuck with sweet potatoes. I do too. Just some people don't make them. So I'm just like, okay, well, if you don't have them, then fine. And then, yeah, if you've got a salad, sure.

[00:16:47] But, I mean, other than that, you know, maybe a roll if it's a sourdough or anything but French. French rolls. Just, eh. So plain. Plain. Well, you know what they're not going to be telling us this Thanksgiving. What's that, Brian? Well, you know, Trump's not going to be like, oh, your Thanksgiving dinner is on average for the average American. You know, five bucks or whatever bullshit Biden was trying to do. Like, look, look how materially worse your lives are. Yeah.

[00:17:15] But maybe Thanksgiving will be five bucks cheaper. Yeah, you saved like $2 on the raw ingredients for the whole day. Thanks, dude. You know, I'd like to have a future worth living. Health care, please. Please, J-Man. You know we will not be having any cranberry sauce this Thanksgiving. Yeah, draw that cranberry out. Cranberry sauce this Thanksgiving?

[00:17:44] I don't know, Neil. Who? Donald Trump. What? Donald Trump. Did I fuck up delivery? Donald Trump. Donald Trump. And you know why? Why is that, Neil? Because he'll be dead. Oh. Well, speaking of people who should be, I'm going to have to do a lot of editing on this episode. The Doge Boys. Because gosh darn Doge Boys.

[00:18:14] Broccoli-headed. The fucking groper-teens. Groper-teens. Groper-teens a symbol. Groper-teen hunger force? Groper-teen hunger force. This, according to 404 Media, the lovely Jason Kobler over there writing this. Anyone? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is the groper-teen hunger force. It's just the master shake video with the racist...

[00:18:44] Mark Levin. Mark Levin. See him! Fuck him! See if I care! Blacks? Jewish people take care of other Jewish people. Because once you hear it, you can't stop. I will ruin this house with my anger! So, yes. The groper-teen hunger force fucking up royally.

[00:19:08] The headline, anyone can push updates to the Doge.gov website. That's right. Here, a screenshot of the website. Meet the U.S. government. Right? A couple of subheads. And then, under small independent agencies, the all caps, these, quote, experts left their database open. Signed, Roro. I don't know if you noticed there in the screenshot in the upper left. Huh? Under the Department of Government Efficiency, the people voted for major reform.

[00:19:37] Yeah, that's a direct quote, isn't it? That's a direct quote. Fuck. I thought it was like maybe a little bit sarcastic. Oh, no. That's a direct quote from Musk in the White House. Where Trump's sitting in the cuck chair and Elon is like, so the people voted for major reform. Amazing. Yeah. So, the Doge.gov website that was spun up to track the cuts to the federal government is insecure in polls from a database that can be edited by anyone.

[00:20:06] According to two separate people who found the vulnerability and shared it with 404 Media, one coder added at least two database entries that are visible on the website that say, quote, this is a joke of a .gov website. Oh, that's been removed. And, yeah, these experts left their database open. Roro. And just truly, truly ridiculous.

[00:20:33] The database can be written to and from by third parties, which is extremely insecure, the very opposite of the thing that you wanted to happen. Yeah. It's not even like a real government division. Not according to this executive order. Establishing and implementing the president's Department of Government Efficiency. So, according to this executive order, it establishes the department to implement the president's Doge agenda.

[00:21:02] So, yeah, it is an agency. In quotes. In quotes. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, our shadow president and his beautiful boys. Yeah, Grima Wormtongue in the fucking White House. Yeah. Yeah. And it's all run by, like we said, Groeper teen hunger force. Well, Muskwatch, a pro click, by the way, muskwatch.com, tones down the fire hose of shit and consolidates a lot of this stuff.

[00:21:32] So, kudos to Caleb Ikarma for doing a lot of this work because it's a lot of writing. If you remember, I don't know if we talked about this guy, Edward Corsetine? Corsetine? Excuse me. Are we talking about him? Is he the one that got outed for the racist Twitter account and resigned and then Elon brought him back? Or is that another fucking fail son? This is another fail son. This is the 19-year-old. You know who I'm talking about, right? I know who you're talking about. And that was a different guy.

[00:22:02] Boy, it's really hard to keep track of all these shitheads. So, yes, he is a former intern at Musk's brain-computer interface company, Neuralink. Corsetine was named senior advisor to the State Department's Bureau of Diplomatic Technology on Monday. He is also listed as an expert at the OPM. That's the Office of Personnel Management. That's HR for the government.

[00:22:27] In early 2021, he ran an image-sharing website called Tesla.Sexy. He said it would be focusing on confidentiality of its users. Why are we the sexiest? It's quoted as saying privacy. When you use Tesla.Sexy, all your images are encrypted. We don't log IP addresses, device agents, or anything else. The site's website stated in March of 2021, according to the Wayback Machine,

[00:22:55] if you like features like we do, you'll love Tesla.Sexy. Fake links, lots of cool domains and effects to be put on your images for ultimate shitposting. He updated the website saying it offered users image hosting with a touch of insanity. Now, this is the part where I go, what the shit? An analysis of URL traffic to Tesla.Sexy between April 2021 and September of 2021 shows that numerous URLs redirected to the site, including

[00:23:24] children-sex.party, child-porn.store, kkk-is-cool.club, n-word.rentals, n-word-sex.download,

[00:23:40] owns-a-slave.shop, raping-women.club, ketamine-rape.date, rape.business, and rapes-woe.men. I would like to know about the ketamine-rape date, if possible. It seems very epic and bacon.

[00:24:06] Right. Well, December of 2021, he registered it as an LLC in Connecticut. It is unclear whether Corstein, who has gone by Rivage, Big Balls, and Joey Crafter, had used or created any of those URLs, but, you know, it's one of those things. Now, Krebs on Security did its own little digging and found that he was a member of the Comm. Are you familiar with these insane people? I am not, but go ahead.

[00:24:33] The Comm, as reported, again, in 404 Media in previous months, there was a great article, really worth reading. Subscribe there if you can. But the Comm is essentially a loose affiliate of insane cyber criminals linked to extortion, money laundering, this year, AI bots for Russian Discord servers, DDoS attacks. The Comm, bad folks. And they're all doing it for the lulls and occasionally for crypto bucks.

[00:25:03] So, 2022, he interned at a security company that hired former cyber criminals to protect customers from denial-of-service attacks, also known as being DDoS'd. During the same year, a telegram handle associated with Khorisines sought to hire someone to commit a DDoS attack in a comm chat room that exists for the sale and solicitation of cyber crimes.

[00:25:32] However, according to Bloomberg, his tenure at Path was cut short after he was accused of leaking proprietary information to a competing platform. After he was let go, he said on Discord he could destroy Path's servers if he wished to, quote, I had access to every single machine. This was three years ago. Last year, a Discord account tied to Koristein wrote that when he had moved from the Comm underworld

[00:25:59] saying there was not a lot of money to be made, he began to work for Neuralink later that year. As for his presence on Twitter, formerly, or whatever the fuck it's called, Muskwatch found that he interacted at least once with prominent eugenicist and white supremacist Joseph Brodsky. Other young men Musk has recruited to staff the Doge service include Marco Elez. That was the one that was on. Yeah, Marco Elez was the one.

[00:26:28] Wall Street Journal found his social media account that posted racist shit about eugenics and all that. He rehired him because J.D. Vance said to. Cool. Gavin Kilger, a Doge member who serves as special advisor to the OPM and a domain administrator at the CFPB. That's the Office of Professional Management and Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Shared content posted by Nick Fuentes. Known fucking Nazi. Yeah. Wow. What the fuck?

[00:26:59] This is why I say Muskwatch is a must click, by the way. And remember at this point in Biden's pregnancy, not saying that Biden's pregnancy was anything to write home about, because it sure fucking wasn't. Yeah, no. But remember at this point, the scandal was some weird guy in his bureaucracy that stole some luggage. Oh, yeah. And I know some fucking neocon motherfuckers that still fucking bang that drum. Like that was.

[00:27:28] And they share her picture and it's all a huge thing. Like, oh, look at these freaks in the Biden administration. I don't know, man. I think these dudes probably. I'll take that freak over these fuckers. Yeah. Christ almighty. Hey, online Nazis, come be in the government. Cool clock online Nazis, come take it to the White House. Cool Groyper meme. Want to bring it to the White House?

[00:27:59] It's so fucking weird, dude. It's so fucking weird. I can't stand these little shits. And I know half of that is because I'm like 20 years older than them and know better about OPSEC and shit. Why are you publicly posting in Discord about wiping out your previous employer's channels, you fucker? Fucking idiot. You know, I kind of worked with guys that remind me of these Doge kids a couple jobs ago.

[00:28:27] You know, this is before, it's like 2019. We had some kids helping us out for the summer. The family I worked for was a little bit blue blood as far as St. Louis families go. And so all the kids that helped us out for the summer were friends of the family's kids. Ah, yes. And so they all went to very expensive private schools and, you know, went to Duke and stuff. And they all had terrible opinions on shit. And I would, like, be working with them and they would say some stuff.

[00:28:56] And I'm like, you know, you don't have to think how your dad thinks. And they'd be like, oh? And it was like totally like the monk comes to the Roshi and complains about, you know, I've been meditating here for so long and I haven't learned shit. And the fucking Roshi looks at him and goes, but did you clean your bowl? And all of a sudden the monk becomes enlightened. Like, you don't have to think, you don't have to agree with your dad, bro. Like, the further you get away from whatever your parents think generally is the better. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Regardless of whatever your parents think. Right.

[00:29:26] Good or bad. Go get some distance between how you view the world from how they view the world. Become your own person, I think, is really the goal there. And these kids would tell me how they thought Elon Musk was, like, really cool. And I'm like, he's not. He's a dipshit. He's making these promises that are never going to come true. And then they try to tell me, but what about Andrew Yang? I'm like, come on, guys. Yeah, we're really doing this? We're still doing this? Oh, yeah. There was a salesman that came out one time when I was lecturing him about Andrew Yang and he fucking spun on his heel.

[00:29:55] Right back into the building. He was like, nope. That's how you know. How you know your ideas are intellectually full of shit is that if you can't, if even the mildest criticism of them makes you turn around and walk away. No, he was more like, oh, shit, Brian's going. Oh, oh, okay. I thought it was like he was a big, you know. No, no. He was Yang gang for life. No, that guy's politics, I always felt, were pretty much just like left of center. Like pretty mild. Which is very, very, very common.

[00:30:23] And I'm fine with that as long as they're fucking allies and not be like, hey, Elon's gay, actually. That's funny. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Some horse apples ass shit. That's exactly what I was going for. Thank you for picking up on it. Yes. A gulp, gulp, and a Texas. Yeah. It just felt real bad. Feels bad. Well, you know what else must feel bad? To be one of Elon Musk's baby mamas. I was going to say be one of his children.

[00:30:53] Well, that's true, too. But a lot of them are not quite at the age of reason yet. So I'm. But yeah, the younger ones. The human shield. Yeah. The human shield acts. Yeah. Boy. Oh, boy. So more Elon Musk baby mama drama hit us this week. And it was a fucking fire hose, too. It all started. How do you even parse this? Yeah. I'm trying. Well, one of my favorite newsletters is Cartoons Hate Her because she does a great series called

[00:31:20] Many Such Takes where she boils down a lot of these internet dramas into an easily digestible fashion. Now, the problem with many such takes is it is weekly. And so this is from the 16th, which was a week ago. But this at least gives us a good place to start. So under the headline, Elon's new baby cartoons hate her starts. This one has hit the news by now, but first hit on Twitter. Where else but the everything app? She says sarcastically.

[00:31:50] If Elon Musk likes anything, it's fathering more children out of wedlock than a Maury contestant. And his 13th child has apparently been born in secret to conservative social media influencer Ashley St. Claire, who has confirmed the rumor. The post here. Five months ago, I welcomed the new baby into the world. Elon Musk is the father. I have not previously disclosed because of the kid's safety. Yada, yada, yada. It's clear that, you know, this is going to break. So I'm going to get out ahead of it.

[00:32:19] I intend to allow our child to grow in a normal, safe environment and so forth. Now, Milo Yiannopoulos jumps in. Oh, the dangerous f***ing. I wish he was the running f***ing. That's all I'm saying. Milo! Walking, talking, stereotypes. Milo suggested St. Claire had been plotting to have Musk's baby for at least five years.

[00:32:48] And he's posting a photo of someone else's cell phone with her tweets on it. What a f***ing weirdo, right? Yeah. Here it is. Ashley St. Claire potted for half a decade. Here it is. A post from May 2020. I need to get Elon Musk's attention for a marriage proposal to Greg, at Greg Price. Greg Price responding. He's got a kid with a woman already. Seems unlikely to work out. Ashley St. Claire responding.

[00:33:14] Well, he actually has seven kids and goes through women pretty fast. Cry laughing emoji. So yes. Dating back to 2023, there was evidence of the pair flirting on the timeline using the Doja meme, of course. Elon Musk posting. Speaking personally, I obviously prefer the pull-in method. Her responding with the go-to-horny jail. This was uncovered, of course, by Armand Domoluski saying there were signs. Yeah.

[00:33:40] Meanwhile, Lily Gaddis, the trad wife influencer who said the N-word, you know, she was all, you know, really like, oh, yeah, you broke N-words. You know, that lady. Mm-hmm. Tried to get attention by posting that she isn't Jewish. Just posting a picture of herself and then just saying Aryan, by the way. Amazing. Unrelated. Completely unrelated. On Valentine's Day. Oh, that's right. Yeah, she did post it on Valentine's Day.

[00:34:09] Uh, why no one want me? I'm Aryan. Come on. Who want me? Anyway, when something like this happens, Cartoons Hate Her continues, there are a million tweets people will dig up to say this you. And of course, it's very, very funny. This here, August of 2023, Ashley St. Clair posting Vivek, Vivek Rabaswamy, just called out the system for financially incentivizing single motherhood three fire emojis.

[00:34:36] Uh, Evan loves Worf quote tweeting that and saying literally the most financially incentivized single mother in history. Sarah St. Ange, at she underscore brings underscore joy. Having sex with someone who already has multiple children by multiple women and has no intention of marrying you and actually parenting your child and leading you as a husband is neither conservative or right wing.

[00:35:05] Now, an interesting wrinkle to this was someone did uncover Ashley St. Clair posting this right when the profit sharing came out in September of last year. Her creator earnings, she got 10 grand. And she posted, X just significantly increased creator payouts by paying based on engagement from verified slash premium users instead of ads and replies. Post on X and get paid.

[00:35:29] Some folks have predicted that the next baby mama would be Tiffany Fong because she received a payment of $21,000 in November of last year. So, um, yeah, I don't know. I get the feeling that Elon Musk has some sort of weird phobia of Asian women, despite being a fucking weed lord. Well, the good thing is that most of his children are IVF babies, so he won't have to actually do the deed. Right. Yeah.

[00:35:57] His, he's just putting that shit into a cup and baby get the turkey baster. Sending it out. Yeah. Well, apparently he's got a fucked up dick. Yes, there, there is a bit later on in this where they talk about his botched penis implant, but. They made my penis irregular. Too big. They made it too large for women to enjoy. I said I wanted to look like Girthmaster. Now I look like one of those guys that puts Synthol in their penis.

[00:36:27] He might as well at this point. He's not using it for anything good. Oh, God. Oh, God. He's got a Synthol. Yeah. He's got just like a weird smooth orb. Of course, Drill had to jump in. At Drill, I need a 52-year-old man with $800 billion to impregnate my wife. I am worried our offspring won't be sufficiently feeble and or annoying.

[00:36:56] Oh, boy. But it didn't end there, folks. Yeah. Yeah. Well, another crazy thing is that apparently on this child's birth certificate. Correct. There's not even a father listed. Correct. And Elon Musk apparently in a text that Ashley Sinclair leaked was like, well, you know, it's a security thing. Mm-hmm. Sure. Because he mentioned how many death threats he gets. Yeah. Only the paranoid survive. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

[00:37:23] I couldn't remember the exact phrase, but yeah, it just... Oh, it just fucking keeps going. So this, according to Rolling Stone, in petitions filed Friday, that was this previous week. I remember recording this on a Sunday. She asks a court. She's been suing, basically, two petitions to the New York Supreme Court over the paternity and custody.

[00:37:47] She asked the court to establish Musk as the father and then to obtain sole custody. Our good friends, Taylor the Reds over there at UserMag first reported that. Good scoop on them. According to the petition, St. Clair claims they began their romantic relationship of May 2023 and had sexual intercourse, quote, in various locations in January 2024. Okay, so the IVF baby thing is up in the air.

[00:38:16] Ashley claims they did the deed. During which time our child was conceived. According to the document, Musk has, quote, acknowledged parentage of the child in various written correspondences. He petitioned sites purported texts, along with a photo of Musk holding the child. One alleged text exchange from November of 2024 reads, I want to knock you up again.

[00:38:44] And another cited in the petition of February of this year reads, Well, we do have a legion of kids to make. In the second petition, she seeks full custody, claiming by choice, Musk, quote, was not present for the birth of our child, has had no more than three in-person visits with our child, and has not expressed an interest in having custody of our child. Her attorneys wrote, The firm has been dealing with his lawyer, Alyssa Rauer from Rauer LLC,

[00:39:13] in an attempt to resolve this matter privately. His representatives have been non-responsive to resolve the issues, and Musk has indicated he no longer wishes to resolve the issues amicably. Well, he's too busy ruining the country, so it's not like there's going to be a court system to fix this. That's fair. But the baby mama drama doesn't end there, buddy. Oh, no. Oh, no. Elongated mollusk. You know what? I fucking hate that, actually. I don't know why I started saying that shit.

[00:39:43] You used to fucking love that. It used to be your fucking monkey cheese, man. When you would say it, I could feel like my skin crawling, and now I'm glad you feel about how I feel about it. Yeah, as soon as it left my mouth, I went, ugh, it's like smoking my nose. I am holier than thou, okay? But, uh... The Mirror out of the UK. Katie Francis writing, Grimes publicly begs Elon Musk to help with child's medical crisis, but tweets disappear.

[00:40:13] Musician Grimes accused Musk of putting one of their children at risk of a lifelong impairment on Thursday, and fans were concerned after her posts disappeared. The post in question, Please respond about our child's medical crisis. I am sorry to do this publicly, but it is no longer acceptable to ignore this situation. This requires immediate attention. If you don't want to talk to me, can you please designate or hire someone who can so that we can move forward on solving this?

[00:40:41] This is urgent, Elon. Grimes claims she was shadow banned after this. Fans noticed that her tweet had disappeared and accused Musk of deleting them so he wouldn't seem like a deadbeat dad, but Grimes explained she thought she'd been shadow banned. I'm deleting these posts now because of being... If they're being shadow banned and not elucidating a response at all, it's a media circus at the expense of the kids. X being foisted around the White House was, I guess, the impetus for all this

[00:41:10] to kind of come to a head publicly. Yeah, apparently she didn't even know all that this was going on. And so the narrative then changes, like how bad are you supposed to feel for Grimes? Yeah. There are some people who think, oh, well, this is the only time I've ever had empathy for her. She certainly has made her bed on a lot of stuff, but... In a number of ways, in a number of places, yeah. I saw someone make an argument that Grimes thought that she was on the gravy train,

[00:41:38] that she was going to be like the Empress of Mars. Yes. And was going to have all of his, you know, his groper babies. Look, look, there's tweets and stuff, the mission. Yeah, yeah. Which is definitely, someone argued, code talk for some eugenics stuff. Oh, it's not even coded. It's straight up. Oh, okay. It's straight up eugenics shit. So I, you know, it's kind of like one of those no pay for bed warmers of fascists or dictators

[00:42:07] or however the quote goes. Yeah, the principal's the same. Yeah, if you... I feel probably more bad for the kids. Oh, for sure. She knew sort of, kind of, what she was getting into, to a degree, at least. The kids, innocent bystanders in all this. I mean, the ex being paraded around in the fucking White House and like... Him keeping the kids from her is, what would you expect? He has all the power. And she also, I guess, is on some level

[00:42:36] probably financially dependent on him. But there's been stuff that's come out, like, you know, her pleading to him, like, can I have custody of the kids because my mom's, you know, in palliative, you know, end-of-life health care. And she's never even seen, like, one of them. Wow. Like, can I... Can you fulfill this one simple request? And I get the feeling that it probably went on deaf ears. I would imagine. Just based on his previous responses to fucking everything

[00:43:04] involving this legion of children. Someone whose ex-husband worked at the Tesla factory in Reno, and they were telling me stories about how, like, how Musk acted while he was there through what their ex-husband would say. It just sounded like just insane. Firing entire teams because someone looked at him weird in a hallway. Or he didn't... Someone made eye contact with him and, like, fire his whole team. Or people, like, having legitimate OSHA concerns getting canned and... Oh, yeah.

[00:43:33] Well, this is coming back around because now we're getting these pieces of information from the OPM, again, Office of Personal Management. People in federal agencies are getting these emails saying, you know, provide a list of five bullet points about what you did last week and CC your supervisor and multiple departments, including the fucking FBI, have been told, you know what? No, don't do that, actually. That's crazy. Prove what you did last week. That's a bad manager. Oh, yeah. As a manager,

[00:44:03] someone who manages people, that's a shitty way to expect people to behave. You should fucking know what your guys are doing. Exactly. The second you start coming at your subordinates in bad faith... That's why I left my job a couple weeks because I was... I came in and I worked hard and I took care of my team, but my... the leadership above me acted like I was sitting around fucking playing with my PUD. Yeah. It's like, you're the one that sits behind the desk. I'm the one that's out there. Mm-hmm.

[00:44:33] I got my ear to the streets. That is the epitome of bad management and he's trying to apply that same standard to the federal government. It's like, no, brother. First of all, if you apply that same standard to the federal... There ain't gonna be nobody working in the government. As someone who has worked for the VA... Right. I worked with a couple... A handful of people where it was like, yo, you've been here for how many years? 30 years? Yeah. Holy shit. You don't know anything. Mm-hmm.

[00:45:03] You don't know shit about fuck. Yeah. It's truly tragic. You just stroll in wearing your pleaded slacks, sit at your desk, fuck around for eight hours, and you clock out like it's a good day's work. God damn, you got it figured out. I'm not saying he's not wrong that people do that. but I mean... People do that, but that's not... You can't go to every person that works in the federal government because, I mean, you're fucking... You're basically closing down... He's gonna be basically closing down

[00:45:31] all of our federal lands, our parks and all that. Mm-hmm. There's gonna be no one managing our forests and the high-risk areas for fires and stuff like that. Wastewater management. There's all kinds of things that people do as a federal employee that they're not luxurious, but it's honest work and it's important work. Yeah, and they're not labor-intensive. You can do some of these jobs from home. Yeah.

[00:46:01] The anti-work-from-home thing, I think, is leading a lot of this because Amazon's doing it. A lot of the bigs are doing this. They're pushing RTO. They're pushing return to office. Yeah. And it's gonna backfire in a big way when you're talking about feds. I know several feds that both you and I know mutually, but also several that I know in my family that are work-from-home and they're like, well, I won't have a job then because this is the only way that works for my life.

[00:46:30] I do my work eight hours a day. I do the job, but this doesn't work. I knew someone who was a federal employee that worked from home during the pandemic and they found out how quickly they could get their work done in a day. Sure. How much better they could do their work and how much quicker they could do it without all the bullshit of having to be around other people that work for the government. Yes. Absolutely. I have a friend that basically

[00:47:01] worked two hours a day and spent the rest of it with their shit on Mouse Jiggler fucking around on their Switch or mostly reading books and hanging out. And they're like, yeah, I'm able to get further on my projects in less time. I'm just a better employee and I'm having to work less. Yes. Because that is what happens when you remove all the friction from getting shit done. Absolutely. Absolutely.

[00:47:30] All right. Two more news pieces. This is a very long episode. I'm going to do my best to make it snappy and try to get us through. But yeah, it is definitely oops all scams this week. Speaking of Elon Musk, I have to address the absolute insanity that was CPAC. So many things. The third term shit. There's so many. I mean, CPAC is always a fucking fever dream. Yes. But this year, absolutely. And also, to keep in mind when we're talking about

[00:48:00] what we're going to discuss here, all of the shit with Ashley St. Clair and Grimes was also going on. At the same time. That's correct. Sarah Zhang, much love to you writing for The Verge here. Elon Musk spoke at CPAC on Thursday giving a strange and often articulate onstage interview to Newsmax presenter Rob Schmidt. Rob Schmidt, by the way, if you don't know, is a huge piece of shit. I'm good. Yeah. Just look him up. He's, oh boy.

[00:48:30] So Schmidt was all smiles and enthusiasm and managed to steer Musk through the half hour, never pausing to look back on the obvious logical inconsistencies, various falsehoods, and mathematical errors that littered the interview. He did a decent job of keeping the entire time slot from devolving into internet memes, although he couldn't stop Musk from loudly pronouncing, quote, I am become meme. Still, the CPAC crowd ate it up. And then, have you seen the clip of this? Yes. Was it the chainsaw bit where he says,

[00:49:01] I'm become meme? I can't remember. No, he's like sitting in a chair and he like says, I am become meme and he like nervously looks around for like approval. Is such fucking kid picked last for dodgeball. That is worse than I remember. I am rotating a 3D doohickey in my mind right now. I'm fabricating in the 3D printer in the back of my brain. Yes. You know, you know what Em asked me over dinner a couple nights ago. She asked me like, you know, we're discussing things. She's like, how do you even

[00:49:30] fix this? And I said that there's, you can't really vote your way out of this because the Democrats made sure of that. And the Republicans are going to put a bow on that, seems like. Yeah, it kind of feels like it. And we're getting into a situation where things are becoming so dire that the only way to reverse this trend is to basically stop the hearts of a couple individuals from beating. The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi? Yeah. And that is all I am going to say on that. Someone, I can't remember where

[00:49:59] I was trying to find it, someone on a Discord server, because I will just post episode links on Discord places where I hang out, someone was talking about our last episode where we talked about Elon, and he said, I don't know how you keep from screaming when the two of you are talking about this. Now, you understand this. This is now an hour into this episode. And I said, well, you know, I edit out a lot of sighs of frustration, but I also edit out a lot of death threats. I think, I think,

[00:50:30] they do be in there. They're in there, but I edit most of them out. I'm going to be brave and say it, okay? I think, there's no reasoning with some of these people. The only reason that they will understand is violence. And that is the end of the, that's it. The only solution to the problems that certain individuals are presenting to America,

[00:50:59] to the world, is for them to no longer exist. And however that happens, it's between them and God, but it can't come quick enough. But generally speaking, it is going to be an act of violence. That is how it is going to happen. Now, obviously I'm not saying it's me, I'm not saying it's you, but I'm saying that someone, someone out there is going to, they're going to 3D rotate that do-it key. And they're going to say, you know what? Today's the day. I mean. And they will be right. Because any day

[00:51:29] that ends with Y was this day. The people, people that are making your life awful and are trying to make the lives of people that you know and people that you love and care about, you know, they use the well-worn adage I've seen on social media for the last five or six years. All those people have names and they have addresses. Correct. Bernie Sanders, I'm not really interested in him going around talking about oligarchy. I'd be more interested in him showing people how to clean a pistol.

[00:52:00] The time for talking about oligarchy was 10 years ago. Oh, yeah. The time for talking about the rest of it is now. about $15 an hour was 10 years ago. Mm-hmm. You know, fucking $25 an hour is the new $10 an hour. Essentially, yeah. I mean, really, to survive in this current hellscape that we live in. I'm not a violent person. You have to understand this. I am, in general, a pacifist. That applies to a lot of things. However, I'm gonna beat a motherfucker's ass if he starts doing that Nazi shit around me. Oh, yeah. That's all I'm saying. Now, of course,

[00:52:30] I might not do too well. Nazi might beat the shit out of me, but at least I'll have done something. You didn't stand by. That's the one. Don't stand by. Working in warehouses, I've definitely worked with some people that were... fash adjacent, if you will. I hate to say I worked at a place where everyone was such an asshole that actually, as far as my best co-worker, as far as helping me and helping me be a better employee, was a fucking Bukaloo boy. Yowza. Oh, boy.

[00:53:00] Yowza. That's bad when the most reliable co-worker I have shows me foes of him and his buddies at the gun range wearing their Hawaiian shirts and I just have to be like, well, fuck, man. You seem to be like one of five people here that like me. This is weird. Shit. Yeah. You know, and he never like said anything like weird. And that's how indoctrination happens. Sure. Right, because they seem reasonable, they seem like a good dude,

[00:53:30] and then they take you to a meeting, and then suddenly you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I mean, but I like knew what his shit was about. Like, I kind of told him like, oh, you're... For someone who's not as clued in as you. Yeah. I was able to put that distance for my own self-survival in that arrangement, but at the same time just being like, this is fucking weird, man. This is fucking crazy. The most reliable is a fucking, you know, he had like a fucking Boogaloo Boy flag. Like, instead of the thin blue line, the thin red,

[00:54:00] thin blue line, it was like a Hawaiian shirt design on his truck, man. It was the whole fucking deal. And again, that was the most reliable guy I worked with. That's rough, brother. That is rough. Hard times, daddy. Hard times, daddy. That's right. Hard times. I think we should bring Dusty Rhodes posting back. We gotta start doing more good stuff. Hard times, Again, this is how it was the first time around. I don't know, man. I don't really feel like there was agreement with Wormtong like Elon Musk, man. I feel like he's taking this shit

[00:54:30] to a whole different level. Oh, you had Stephen Miller. You had Sebastian Gorka. Gorka, yeah. Oh, Mr. Chapo. Mr. Chapo. Mr. Chapo. The dragon of Budapest. Yeah. The titan of the Danube. James Adomian, man. I love that motherfucker. I swear. That other, why that one guy got the SNL gig and not Adomian, I will never know. I don't know. But, but, but James Adomian, great guy, super fucking funny.

[00:54:59] His Sebastian Gorka, his everything. Just amazing. It lives rent free. His Bernie actually lives rent free for me. His, uh, Elon Musk is also really good. Oh God, yeah, you're right. Him being on, um, Poddam America and talking about, uh, when, uh, you're filling out the Capaccia and you're looking for all of the stop signs. Please use that really quick because that's real time. As for, uh, the Tesla autopilot. The full self-driving does, yeah.

[00:55:29] Oh, but yeah, so, uh, CPAC, insane. uh, Malini, who's going to make another appearance on this podcast? Javier Millet, Millet, however the fuck you say his name. Javier, he's going to make another appearance soon, don't worry. Yeah. But, we'll get there. It's going to be a long night, folks. Buckle the fuck in. If you want to talk about a guy who has Dinosaur Junior fan energy. Oh, man. As a Dinosaur Junior fan, yes. I'm sorry.

[00:55:59] Yes. No, I'm saying, T-Rex. But, I'm saying, as a Dinosaur Junior fan, yes. Also, both actually. I mean, it's kind of cut from the same cloth. Absolutely. But anyway, uh, so he was presented at CPAC with a fucking chainsaw. This is, again, a quote, and this is Reuters. Okay, this is a news wire. This is an agency that does and reports news that is then disseminated elsewhere. Reuters, February 20th. Elon Musk, the billionaire tasked with slashing U.S. federal government

[00:56:29] spending, took to the stage at a conservative conference outside Washington on Thursday with a gift from Argentina's libertarian president Javier Mellier, a chainsaw. Quote, this is the chainsaw for bureaucracy, said Musk, holding the gleaming power tool aloft. Left at CPAC in National Harbor, Maryland, the red metallic chainsaw given to Musk by Mellier earlier in the day was engraved on its side with the Argentine leader's coarse

[00:56:58] Spanish slogan which translates to long live freedom, damn it. Absolutely fucking insane. Completely fucking baffling, but the video is even sillier. Here is the, him getting it on stage. Now he doesn't actually turn it on a Revit because it probably doesn't work. What a fucking nerd. Chainsaw! Now, holding it aloft like Leatherface, you know, famously Leatherface, you know, the good guy from that movie.

[00:57:29] Leatherface, he saved all those kids. They need their car broke down. He got them back on their way to the hippie festival. Only if you play the film in reverse. Yeah. Particularly the kid in the wheelchair. Oh boy. Boy, I forgot, I haven't seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre in a minute, but I forgot just how long the part of that movie is just the final girl and her brother in the wheelchair just running from one location to the other

[00:57:58] back and forth. Yeah, to the trailer, to the, yeah, it's just, it doesn't overstay its welcome, but you just kind of, after the second or third time, you're like, okay, there's a rhythm here. Yeah. I mean, nobody's going to accuse Toby Hooper of being a hack, but there are times when you're like, okay, let him rest for a second. God damn, every two seconds they gotta get out of there. That movie goes. Oh, it does. All right, so the last piece of news, a bit of levity. I know. This is the levity. I know. Discourse blog,

[00:58:28] the headline, I am not so sure about this Uber for hired guns app. The subhead, what could possibly go wrong? Rafi Schwartz writing, there was a time not too long ago when just about every get rich quick app idea came in one of two genres, Farmville but for blank or Uber but for blank. These, it seemed, were the only paths available. Since then, the rhetorical shorthand Uber for blank has become enough of a cliche that it's largely fallen out of use

[00:58:57] among a Silicon Valley vampire class desperate to serve reheated leftovers of previous successes, while similarly desperate to avoid being labeled as sort of a failed tech visionary who dare serve reheated leftovers of a previous success, but largely doesn't mean completely, which is why we have this guy loudly trumpeting an Uber with guns idea. Twitter user Nikita Beer, over the last few months I've been advising at Book Protectors, a new app for ordering

[00:59:26] an on-demand security detail or more simply Uber with guns. They're debuting in Los Angeles and NYC at number three on the app store right below Uber, Airbnb, Protector, your go-to app for armed goons with guns. Now this is a real app by the way. It is a real ass app. You can get a motorcade. Yep, you can get a motorcade with multiple aspects. You select your uniforms. Do you want

[00:59:56] Tony Soprano in a polo, Tony Soprano in a sports blazer or Tony Soprano going to a mob wife's funeral? Actually, it's more like Dean Norris based on the guy who's idea. This is real sex gifts shit right here. So according to the actual app store page, Protector is a revolutionary personal security app that enhances personal protection and makes private security available to the general public in an on-demand fashion. With a click of a button, Protector users

[01:00:25] can schedule veteran and former law enforcement private security personnel to serve as personal protection when needed. Now currently, it does sit at a 4.9 out of 5 on the Apple App Store. One of the highest ratings here. Can't be too careful for a woman in 2025. Ouch. The service is a godsend for women who have the funds and also want to go out without worrying about something truly bad happening. Here's Sigint Chris writing this review. Solid Endeavor.

[01:00:55] Quality is the name of the game with these guys. At Moyela25. Too expensive. I was super excited for this to come out but prices are too high. I'll continue taking my chances with uber black. Jesus. Yeah. So, you know, obviously, the socials, people are having a field day with all that. Of course. Friend of the pod, Oswin Billy, aka Gay White Thug Who Learns Slow, tweeted yesterday

[01:01:24] or a couple days ago, I should say, hired my protector to guard me from gang stalkers during my methed-out goon sesh to which I responded with prospector hiring protectors to take him to and from the gas station for Voodoo Ranger tallboys and scratchers while he dry-fires a pistol at people on the street. Yeah. Like, I can't wait to dial up the protector people and have them escort me so that I can, you know,

[01:01:54] walk out of the schnooks. Go lose money at Draft Kings at the casino. I was gonna say go to schnooks and buy a dozen eggs so they keep them safe when I'm on my way home. Yeah. But, uh, just absolutely ridiculous. Uh, but I think Elon's gonna need those guys pretty soon is all I'm saying based on the comments we made in this episode. I feel like we're pretty mild on that. Well, we mentioned Javier Millet. He comes up in this. That's right, folks. It's Crypto Scam of the Week. You're listening

[01:02:24] to 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking the podcast. And now it's time for the Crypto Scam of the Week. It's a four, actually, I'm sorry, five. Five parts. And then we will do our, we'll do our, uh, Brett Men will do the rest of the episode but we're doing it. This is happening. So first and foremost, Argentinian President Javier Millet promotes a meme coin called Libra. This was, uh, according to Molly White. Web3 is going great. Love Molly. A tweet from Argentina's President

[01:02:53] Javier Millet which promoted a meme coin called Libra which he described as a, quote, private project that will be directed to encouraging the growth of the Argentine economy by funding small Argentine businesses and startups. The token, obviously, jumped up in price. Everybody's like, this is a great idea, cool. Within hours, insiders began selling off their holdings. The token had been concentrated among insiders which is a very classic type of deal with around 82% of the token held in a small

[01:03:22] cluster of apparently insider addresses. The insiders cashed out around $107 million crashing the token price by 95% after the crash. He deleted his tweet. He claims that he was, quote, not aware of the details of the project and after having become aware of it, I decided not to continue spreading the word which is why I deleted the tweet. Now, that was extremely fucked up because this is,

[01:03:52] I mean, we're talking about $107 million, just insane amounts of money. People lost their asses. Absolutely. This is, you know, this isn't just some, oh, it's a meme coin, ha ha. This is some real, this is some real, again, crime season. I mean, everything we're talking about is kind of a similar vibe. What people in the crypto world are calling liquidity sucks? Yes. where it is just people coming in doing these competently orchestrated pump and dumps

[01:04:22] and just walking away with insane amount of money. And Javier, oddly enough, after he did the whole I deleted it, yeah, yeah, he fucking went back and like promoted it again like a day or two later. God damn. Yeah. And yes, they're saying there's a suspicion of insider trading. This is CryptoPotato.com. Jesus Christ. Everything, oh, no, I get it. Everything hot in crypto. Okay, like a hot potato. All right, all right. Like a pure joke, I get it. Yeah. It says

[01:04:51] bubble maps sharing evidence linking Libra's creators with those of the Melania token. Yep. According to the Nansen report, two wallets bought and sold the asset in 43 minutes, breaking in $5.4 million. The biggest beneficiary reportedly walked away $25 million. on-chain data suggests some of the earlier traders, likely experienced snipers or automated bots, managed to exit

[01:05:21] before crisis crashed, leaving retail investors, as usual, suffer the most of the losses. 2,101 wallets turning a profit $15,000, holding the motherfucking bag. Of its losers, the 15 worst performing addresses allegedly lost a combined $33.7 million with the biggest realized loss coming from Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy. That's right, folks. Not the Presidente. El Presidente.

[01:05:51] We just talked about him last week on jail. Will we talk about him again? Oh, yes, we will. Now, crypto potato. Some traders are continuing to buy and sell Libra. So, yes, as you said, he posted again, and so it went up again. Pushed it up 125%. But then, of course, it retraced all the gains. So, let's see here. There are 1,000 wallets still holding unrealized losses of about 11 million and another

[01:06:20] 71 addresses are technically profitable, but their combined gains amounted to just $540,000 as of the 18th, which would be five days ago. So, that's number one. Wow. Adam 22. No jumper, Mr. Mr. Cuckman himself. Mr. Cuckman himself. He's used to people pumping and dumping his wife, and he decided to cuck his followers. Now, I found this out via

[01:06:50] CoffeeZilla. CoffeeZilla, great crypto researcher. He's really big on exposing scams and such. He has a second channel called VoidZilla, where it's just him in a black background. He doesn't have to do all the big intros. And in a nine-minute video, he ran down the full case. Now, have you seen this? I did watch this, yeah. Okay, so yeah, it's a wonderful video. This was about five days ago. I just got paid to tweet, Adam 22 says. I got nothing to do with it. So,

[01:07:21] Adam 22 released a coin called Cuck Coin. Is that right? That was the name of it, right? Yeah. Okay. It was Cuck Coin. Cuck Coin. So, CoffeeZilla posting on Twitter, the five stages of being Adam 22. One, be warned about a rug pull. Two, I don't care. I just got paid to do the tweet. I got nothing to do with it. Three, promote Coin. Four, Coin Rug Pulls. Five, what should I do differently next time? That's right. He put out Cuck Coin, the coin rug

[01:07:51] pulls. He's clearly known about it or maybe had some sort of insider information about it. But then, posts on Twitter, I'm not happy with how my last meme coin drop went. What should I do differently next time? Who should I partner with to make sure I do it right this time? He's coming back for a second bite at the apple folks. Oh, yeah. I'm dry firing a 1911 in my head right now. Just sitting on the

[01:08:21] couch clicking it. Like I'm searching for something good on the TV. You know nothing's in there. Yeah. You're not in any danger. in any danger. You're just letting off some steam. But what if? But what if? You know? You know? What if, folks? Jesus Christ. But the essentials are that he apparently took like a really minuscule amount of

[01:08:50] money. Oh, yeah. Like didn't even really it wasn't even like he got 50k or something. It was I'm sure people have paid more money to fuck your wife. Heyo. The official no jumper account released this video of Adam claiming he he got scammed. God, I hate this guy's tattoos. Mm hmm. Now he drops Coffeezilla's name in that. Yeah. You know based on the Coffeezilla video that they were in contact with each other. Yeah. These guys have had dialogue.

[01:09:20] Right. For a minute. Don't do it. So, you know, don't do it. So if he was really about his morals here, he maybe should have asked his buddy Coffeezilla like, hey, what do you think of this? And Coffeezilla probably would have told him, don't fucking do it, man. It's going to fucking run your reputation through the fucking ringer. He told him as soon as the post went up, Coffeezilla messaged him on Twitter and said, look, dude, this sucks. You don't want any part of this. Yeah. What? No, man. It denied it

[01:09:50] all the way up and down. Yeah. These guys want to snipe your coin, Coffeezilla says. These guys want to snipe your coin. It's going to happen. Nah, nah. I just got money to do the tweet. It's fine. Well, at the very least, he's not Bybit. Yeah. Here's another fun one courtesy. Again, Molly White, Web3 is going great. Over 1.4 billion with a B taken from Bybit crypto exchange. Quite possibly the biggest

[01:10:19] black hat theft in commerce ever. The details that someone was able to kind of just put together in a bullet point of how this scam went down, how this theft went down, is insane. Impersonating people, social engineering, sound like lots of little confidence games, probably spooking someone's credentials, talking to another person. Apparently, they knew who the multi-sig holders were. Oh. This just wasn't like doing a

[01:10:49] liquidity swap and getting the machine to accidentally give you an extra gumball. This is not putting a malicious link somewhere and having someone click to it. This is hard fucking work. Layered. This is dedication. dedication. And holy shit, that's a lot of money. And most likely it was North Korea and Lazarus. The exact XPT is already assumed or given information that implies that it was Lazarus

[01:11:19] group. Apparently a particular North Korean individual or national, I should say. There's a guy. There's a name. There's shit out there. It goes deep. Yeah. So this, according to Ben Zhao, co-founder and CEO by Bybit. On Twitter, Bybit ETH multi-sig cold wallet just made a transfer to our warm wallet about an hour ago. It appears this specific transaction was musked, payload being

[01:11:49] obfuscated or spoofed where the user interface displayed misleading information. Okay, so much like you would for a malicious link that goes elsewhere. Gotcha. The signers saw the must UI had showed the correct address and the URL was from at safe. However, the signing message was to change the smart contract logic of the cold wallet. This resulted

[01:12:18] in the hacker taking control of the cold wallet we signed and transferred all ETH in the cold wallet to this unspecified address. Hey, all withdrawals are normal. cold. It's just this one wallet that's affected. Bybit is solvent even if this hack loss is not recovered. All of clients' assets are one-to-one backed. We can cover the loss. $1.5 billion? It's possible. Possible but not likely is what I'm getting at.

[01:12:48] Yeah. Well, so what Bybit has been doing to help make people affected whole again is they've been market buying Ethereum and they've bought, I think, last time I checked around $300 million. Funny thing to show you because Ethereum is top five market cap, $300 million in buys on Ethereum only moves the price about 3%. Woo!

[01:13:18] Yeah. One of the things that did crack up a lot of people was that the hacker pretty quickly started transferring the stolen goods over the Solana. You know, because Solana is the fucking crypto casino right now. It's like, all right, buy some shit coins. Yep. Let's go. That would be the way to do it. Hack a fucking crypto exchange for a billion and a

[01:13:48] half dollars or whatever and then go piss it away on, you know, inward butt coin. Yeah. Dog with hat. Yeah. Whatever it is. And that's not even the most ridiculous crypto story this week. God. It's all insane. We're not even going to talk about David Portnoy doing his multiple pump and dumps. I think this next article touches on it briefly. Okay. Kanye West. We talked about him last week with the... Remember we used to say,

[01:14:17] Brian, we can't be talking about Kanye no more? I also said I wasn't going to talk about Elon Musk anymore either, so look where we are. The fate has forced our hands. Exactly. Just fucking insane. CryptoBriefing.com gives us this. Kanye West plans swasticoin, eyes blockchain launch, and claims, quote, only broke boy's rug pull. Kanye West posted a series of crypto tweets on Saturday night. This was a couple nights ago.

[01:14:47] after sharing a tweet from CZ, which CZ stated that Dex is challenging to use. He also followed CZ's Twitter account only to unfollow it shortly thereafter. So here's the at Kanye West. I'm putting my swasticoin on a Dex because it's decentralized. And so crypto community folks flooded his mentions with recommendations. Ethereum, Solana, BNB, yay, seemingly confused,

[01:15:16] turned to his followers for advice, and the latest option was hyperliquid. Wait, what's BNB? Wait, what's Solana? Wait, what's ETH? He then shifted to posts containing offensive language, targeting various groups, and seeking direct contact with CZ. In one post, he referenced swasticoin, claiming those opposed to his Nazi posts were requesting his contact address, CA. People who didn't like the

[01:15:46] Nazi posts hitting me up for the CA on my swasticoin. Wait, what's a CA? He also declared his intention to lost his own blockchain. I made a series of tweets including a now-deleted post that claimed, quote, only broke boys rug pull. Some tweets were directed Dave Dave Dave Portnoy who launched multiple pump and dump coins over the last week, Greed and Greed 2.

[01:16:16] I think there's a third one that he was teasing. It's fucking insane, man. Crime season is here. Man, we don't even have time to go into it. I know, yeah, four days ago, yep, Greed, and then Greed 2, you're right. So yeah, yay, after unfollowing CZ, now follows only Portnoy and Polychain founder Olaf Carson Wee. Olaf pulling up, he says.

[01:16:46] It's insane. It's so fucking insane. Now, according to a community note, Kanye West may have sold access to his account to at Bark Meta. It says the account he follows at tall underscore data is Bark's alt account kind of referenced the fact that there are screenshots that either go between dark and light mode, time format changes, and then the community note ends with,

[01:17:16] this will be a major liquidity extraction event. I was doing LinkedIn thoughts posting thoughts. Oh, absolutely. This is going to be a shit show, but there's already been a couple people, a couple celebrities that have tried doing their own fucking meme coin, and just barely any interest. They eat shit, really? They eat shit. I don't know if, you know, there's probably an insight or two that made an okay amount of money for the trouble, but we're not seeing what Portnoy did,

[01:17:46] or what Adam 22 did, or anything like that, or anything with Trump coin or Melania. even those didn't do numbers like any of this stuff might. We're still as insane as Kanye is, he still has a lot of weird fans online, and I think they might move more than any of those. That's entirely possible. I think it's going to be a liquidity

[01:18:16] extraction, but I think a lot of people are going to get fucking burnt and get ruined on this shit, because they don't understand that the people that are setting up this game, they're making the rules. Unfortunately, if not smarter, are much more nefarious than they are. Everything's weighed against retail. This isn't going to be like buying SHIB during the Super Bowl in 2021 and sitting on it for

[01:18:46] seven or eight months and all of a sudden it's worth millions of dollars. It's not going to do that. One thing I'm seeing a lot of crypto traders or crypto Twitter people comment is that what makes this different in a lot of different cycles is that nothing has any longevity. Yeah, it's like five minutes. I mean, I'm being facetious, but you know what I'm saying. It's not very long. Every chart looks the same. You have you have depending

[01:19:16] on your time frame, you have five or six candles going up. up and then big retraction almost immediately. It's like a sharp peak and you have your dead cat bounce and then nine, 95% down from all time high. And that's I forget who did it, but someone went through and got all the looked at all the graphs of all the tickers of all the mean coins have been announced and hyped up over the last six or so months and they all the charts

[01:19:45] almost look the same. and you go look at some meme tokens from last cycle like FEG or SHIB or FLOKY and they had some sharp peaks and valleys. Sure, there were times where they were 95% down, but like they kept going. They weren't ever dead, but this shit just fucking crashes and burns. There's no project, because it's all just, it's just a fucking, it's degenerate casino shit. there's no thought, there's no

[01:20:15] idea behind it. There's nothing more other than like basically a titty fart. Yep. There's no even real artifice. It doesn't even seem like it's any fun, despite the name being Pump.Fun. It doesn't seem like it's any good times being had at least, you know what I mean? There's nothing, there's no joy there. They call it being in the trenches. Yeah. And the trenches are pretty fucking miserable. Yeah. There are a lot of people who I think are

[01:20:44] sincere about their enthusiasm for crypto as a means of commerce and information exchange who are, I would say call them crestfallen. That this thing that they thought from a technical standpoint had some value or some potential and we just, all we need to do is we just need to feel it out. Right. And someone's going to have the right idea in the next level. You know, there's going to be the iron sharpens iron kind of shit.

[01:21:14] But if we start to look at things outside of the technical aspects of blockchain or crypto or web 3.0 or whatever, and this has been pretty much true about the internet since the mid-90s, is that once capitalism finds a way to replicate the ills of the physical world on the internet, it will do so. So why shouldn't we expect crypto to all of a sudden become like a fucking payday loan or casino predatory?

[01:21:44] Yeah, whatever academic or technical aspects of crypto we could have gleamed out of the last 10 or so years has mostly been ruined or obfuscated by self-interested individuals. Yeah, that ship has sailed essentially. Generally, yeah. I think you might see some of this technology and some of these concepts retrofitted or repurposed for different things in the future,

[01:22:12] but I don't think crypto as it is right now, blockchain technology as it is right now, I think it's kind of at a dead end because the deepest our imagination can get with this technology is just replicating predatory, abusive things that already exist in the real world. Yeah. But now instead of scamming a guy that lives in your neighborhood or lives in your community, you can now scam

[01:22:42] someone that lives in Ghana or Singapore or some shit. Real happy times. Well, Dave Portnoy did get the last word on this. Here is his at stool presidente. There is a 0.0 shot Heil Kanye is running his account. It's the scammers planting the rug. But if you can send at Kanye West a message, tell him me and Taylor said to go fuck himself. I fucking hate Dave Portnoy, but every once in a while he does slip out of banger. Blind pig,

[01:23:12] acorns, etc. And one last scam bit of related business to leave us with before we get into the enjoyable portion of the show. Bloomberg reporting this. Jonathan Randall's writing, FTX user accidentally deposited 2,000 tokens years after the collapse. Lucas Bartasek 31 said he inadvertently transferred 2,000 tokens to

[01:23:42] an old FTX account in October 2023, nearly a year after Sankbank McFried, SBF's exchange, went bankrupt. According to a Monday filing, Delaware bankruptcy court, after realizing his mistake, Bartasek said he was informed he'd need a court order to allow a withdrawal from the account. Prices for Solana, a token once backed by Bankman Freed,

[01:24:35] have accepted accepted the deposit. He made a withdrawal request through a crypto wallet account at a different exchange, BTSE. He then inadvertently deposited into an old FTX account. A spokesman for FTX, of course, declined to comment. Yeah, so... Because why would you? So this isn't the first time I've heard something like this happening. Right. I hope this guy gets his money.

[01:25:05] For sure. However, the caveat should be that he be legally recognized as a dipshit. Yes. Like, you're gonna have to feel a little bit of pain. Some real Scarlet Letter shit. I sympathize with him. He should be made whole. Yeah. But you're gonna have to feel the burn a little boy. I feel like there should be a forehead tattoo that comes with this that just says I'm a dipshit that you have to get after this. Coomer. Coomer.

[01:25:36] Legally by the state of New Hampshire, you have to get the word Coomer. Recognized as a Coomer, yeah. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Well, we've had a lot of fun today, but I think it's time to watch something gross, Brian. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. Shock. JPG. Flamethrower Dick, Brian, is what this one's called. Oh boy. It was posted on 4chan just a couple hours ago. Fresh off the press.

[01:26:06] Fresh off the presses. I don't know where this came from. I found it in a random 4chan thread, and it was originally hosted on Chaotic, K-A-O-T-I-C, but someone posted it here. I was not able to find it on Chaotic, so this must have been removed, but I guess we'll find out why. The file name originally was ha-ha underscore flamethrower dick dot webm.

[01:26:37] So it opens with what appears to be someone putting lighter fluid in their urethra. Ah. Taking a lighter out. I thought this was going to be gore, right? I thought this was going to be like, oh my god, this guy explodes his dick or whatever. But however he does it, you can hear it. he's expelling the gas through the tip of his penis. I guess the urge

[01:27:06] to pee happens and then you push out. You're filling up your balls where the pee is stored. Yes, of course. As we all know, scientifically, that's true. But yeah, it's surreal because, is this real? But you watch him fill it up. He really puts that nozzle in there too. He really does. What's that sound though? That's the gas escaping from the tip of his dick. It's a little fart noise.

[01:27:37] And look, uninjured at the end, which I'd love to see. I'd love to see one of these ones where it's like, oh my god, that's weird, but also nobody got hurt. This isn't the guy rock climbing without a harness. Or the guy pulling the screwdriver out by the wrong end. Yes, it's, you know, my previous job, I had a coworker who was interested in all things obscene. And he brought up two jar, one man, one jar once. I explained, you know, he has other videos. And he was like, really? I was like, yes,

[01:28:07] there was one where he pulls a screwdriver out of his urethra. And he's like, really? I'm like, by the wrong end. And he's just like, wow. Now, was this a good wow or was this a bad? I'm fairly certain when he went to his car on break, he was Googling it. I loved that guy's TikToks, by the way. He would just show up, people would post something at him, and then he would just show up, and then you'd see him place the towel down, take his

[01:28:36] shoes off, so you could see his tattoo, so you knew it was him, and then set a jar down, and then the video would end. Just be like, this is a threat, actually. Amazing. With a sense of humor. That's what I think. If you're going to be... Listen, if your ass is so tight that it breaks a tempered jar... Well, yes and no. I mean, again... Again, I wouldn't fuck with that. If that's what he can do, is that what his ass can do to

[01:29:05] a glass jar? Imagine what he could do to your dick. Fair enough. Twist that shit off, throw in the fucking tall grass never be seen again. Lorraine Bobbitt style, yeah. The dogs will have to come find your cock. The special dog sniffing, the cock sniffing dogs. Now, you know that he got his dick reattached at John Wayne Bobbitt. Oh, yeah, he did porn. He did porno as Frankenpenis. Apparently, even before that. Yeah, Frankenpenis, though, probably an

[01:29:35] all-timer, just for the name of the porno. Not necessarily for the contents, but for the name alone, Frankenpenis, that was his first adult film, among many. I think he did two or three, if I remember correctly, because he did Frankenpenis, he did a single to Frankenpenis, and then he did some other thing. He didn't last in the biz, though. I don't think he was welcomed. Despite the biz of porno being full of pieces of

[01:30:05] shit, somehow John Wayne Bobbitt was a step too far. Nacho Bidal, fine. John Wayne Bobbitt, not so much. I think probably the issue was more of what he brought to the table than the content of his character. That's fair. Because it was like, yeah, you got a weird-looking dick, now what? Yeah, come on, there's lots of porn like that. And they didn't have to abuse their wife to get there. Again, a lot of people in the industry abused their wives. Yeah, again,

[01:30:35] I have friends that are current and I've heard some crazy-ass stories, some really tough people out there. I mean, the only one that came out of it relatively same is Nina Hartley. Yeah. With that time period, at least. Yeah. Fuck. Anyways. Sorry. Let's talk about some more happy things. Brian, let's take our minds off the flamethrower dicks and the abusive

[01:31:04] people and all that stuff. Let's do a breath man. Absolutely. Let's go for it. It's time for your mom's favorite part of the show. It's time for the breath man. Well, Brian, a movie you recommended to me last week that I should see. I took your advice and I did the thing and I watched Heretic. Now, I am probably going to spoil a lot of Heretic, so just be mindful of that. If you have interest in seeing this movie,

[01:31:34] three to five minutes from now, go ahead and skip that. But, I fucking loved Heretic. Thank you. I probably would have kept that in my queue and not seen it. So, I will give you the kudos and the props. Thank you. Heretic is a lot of fun. It's a fun movie. Oh, I have fucking blast. Is it an award winner? Eh, maybe not. Is it going to get the palm door? No, but it's

[01:32:04] a hoot and a half. It's a fun little indie film that scratches a weird itch and is trying to do something different a la storytelling or something like that. Yes, absolutely it is. Hugh Grant is my dog. I love him. I love his new era that he's in. He's phenomenal. Just doing whatever. He's in his Willem Defoe era. He's just whatever. Okay, yeah, sure. You want me to play the mod on our atheism? Sure,

[01:32:34] let's do it. So, if those of you not familiar, the movie takes place in essentially the confines of this one man's home, again, played by Hugh Grant, he takes in these two Mormon missionaries and proceeds to put them through a series of psychological tests slash debates, I guess? Kind of almost like trials. Yeah, yeah, trials is a great way to put that. I haven't even thought about that, but yeah, he's testing their faith, as it

[01:33:09] made me think, oh, this is like Saw for Mormons. It was not that, thankfully. Not a lot of gore, there is some, but I was surprised at how restrained a big chunk of the movie was. it was very formalist, you know, it's a lot of natural lighting, it's a lot of these creeping dreads, mostly about sounds that you can either hear or not hear coming from off screen. It's about how the characters lie to each other

[01:33:39] in the various different ways. It's about faith, the whole movie is about faith, which, appropriately enough, given that there's the Mormon protagonist, ostensibly protagonist, in this movie, I love when he made them choose between belief and disbelief, and immediately I clocked it, I was like, okay, that's going to go to the same place, because everyone dies in the end, yada, yada, whether you believe or not, you still end up in the ground, and bing, just like I said,

[01:34:09] but at the same time, the movie went there, and I expected something different. I expected the movie wouldn't go there, and it did, and I was like, cool, this movie is on my level, it's on interested in this, I enjoyed it, so good, see it if you can't, heretic, I believe HBO Max is the place for that. I believe so, yes, I had quite a bit of fun with heretic, what did you think of Topher Grace? I thought he was pretty good, such a

[01:34:38] nothing role, he might as well not have been in it. Well, like in Abigail, the guy that plays Adrian in Watchmen is in it for all of two minutes and it's like this is the biggest role he's probably had since watchman which is a yeah it's just shame yeah yeah but abigail's have you seen that yet i have not that's on my list i know trolley brother i wanted to avoid that same thing happening with abigail

[01:35:06] so i was like you know what he said watch heretic i'm going to watch heretic so i will abigail is a is a same level of it's just a fucking pleasure okay it's a thrill back it's it's it is as smart as it needs to be um i think heretic benefits from being actually also a little kind of a little dumb

[01:35:29] oh yeah but also not um lacking insight or anything like that it's dumb as hell i saw that candle thing coming a mile away you know what i mean like it's not it thinks it's clever but it's still at the same time it's a ride and it's a fun ride yeah so worth worth your time five bags brian you said you saw

[01:35:53] conclave conclave the vaping priest movie the vaping priest that's all i've heard about it is that rafines is in it and it's the vaping priest that's it i've read letterbox reviews and half of them are like i'm the vaping priest baby so tell me about that he vapes tell me about conclave it is a movie

[01:36:16] where it's a bunch of cardinals and priests and the vatican and the pope dies okay which i think we might be getting a real light version of that yeah um they're actually the flying me out red eye to the vatican um oh you gotta go then we gotta oh yeah after i'm done with this i mean i got i mean i'm it's midnight to rome and uh they want me to show uh his excellency my tech deck tricks oh okay i'm

[01:36:46] very much wanted to see them before you passed yeah it's an honor it's a pleasure for sure for the woke pope the woke pope that's right anyways conclave and the dean which i believe that is that is rafines yes the dean uh the dean cardinal has to oversee the process of electing a new pope

[01:37:12] okay and he is kind of over it he's over it as far as his faith is concerned um he just wants to be like a simple guy in a monastery he doesn't he's he's over this big time shit which is relatable you know like who who all of a sudden uh doesn't realize they're in a situation like you know i'd like a

[01:37:39] simpler life yeah i don't need this but i don't need all this but as and a couple individuals as well in the in the conclave are kind of going through it not because they want to be pope but because they had such respect for the for you know his the ultimate father his eminence the holy father etc yeah yeah i didn't grow up catholic so my terminology seems stilted it's because like it doesn't roll off

[01:38:06] the tongue naturally for me that's i grew up southern baptist our guilt came chicken fried steak style exactly so like we didn't need we didn't need none of the fancy finery it's just you're a shithead yeah and you're bad give us money yeah which i mean it's not that far off from the other stuff yeah but you guys have like you know like fucking relics and stuff like there's like cool shit like we just have like wood paneled rooms where we cry fair enough yeah i do like the whole bones of the

[01:38:30] saints thing anyway yeah the the boat like you like oh this is a saint thomas aquinas's index finger like cool what the fuck sometimes aquinas was kind of baller no aquinas is my dog don't don't get it twisted i love him but you know uh there was there was a couple couple uh christian radicals back in the day they got to get real weird with it bounce on it silly style if you were um that have a really

[01:39:00] interesting i mean i may not necessarily agree with their their thoughts and their and their their you know their essays and all that sure but i appreciate that they were allowed to have such interesting and and expanded thought to do it freak nasty style yeah freak nasty style on the theology freak her ass out freak her freak her ass out thomas

[01:39:26] basically ray fine's character is having to deal with this bullshit yeah he's over it and there is a cardinal that him and some of his cohorts feels should be the next pope he's a little bit progressive he's considered to be of the liberal oh side of things all right uh and spoken of by other

[01:39:49] cardinals as a derogatory liberal is definitely a slur yeah yeah and um so there's you know the conclave is being uh put together and there are uh cardinals and other clergy from other parts of the world and you start seeing different factions different views of catholicism and faith and basically ray

[01:40:16] fine's character sees like this is a twisted power grab for some people and for some people it's reluctance to be seen as a viable nominee for uh you know the papal office yeah and there are a couple individuals that you know they don't fucking want it they like please don't fucking vote for me but yeah

[01:40:42] but other the other cardinals are kind of like well the reason you don't want it is the reason you should have it if you're reluctant for power you know these are all geese style yeah yeah you're you're not greedy yeah if if you if you're reluctant to have it then you're less likely to abuse it whereas this other cardinal seems like he'd be a real rat fucker if he became pope so basically it's like well

[01:41:09] we gotta figure out how this guy cannot become pope you uh it's a palace intrigue yeah in a different context yeah and i would say that um if it weren't for the strength of the performances it would be a much harder movie to watch i enjoyed it yeah but it is by the virtue of the acting and

[01:41:32] performances within that the movie stands and it stands tall oh i forgot stanley tucci's in this motherfucker oh yeah yeah it's a it's a who's who man uh ray fine stanley tucci john lithgow just a lot of great some people that like oh i know their face i know their voice but i forget what i've seen them in that guy that guy um it's incredibly well shot it has a nice slow but mirrored

[01:42:00] pace it gives you time to ruminate about this power grab and what it means to be kind of like a good person of faith because some of the stuff we find out about some of these cardinals is pretty shitty some of the some of these cardinals there's one cardinal in particular you find out his indecencies from him when he was a younger man does seem sincerely repentant and ashamed

[01:42:24] you would say perhaps is has already before this has come to light has probably taken the the the sting of his punishment for many years for his actions this is just the tail end of it now this is all fictional right this is not based on any real conclave that actually happened right yeah okay ray fine's character tells this cardinal like you know you are a good person god forgives

[01:42:51] you or you know as long as you forgive yourself but you will never be pope and that devastates the cardinal it's good it's worth watching it's a little oscar baby but it's again the palace intrigue there's some really strong performances there's some really uh beautiful uh aesthetic stuff going on because he owns catholics yeah i'll give him one thing the outfits spectacular excellent they know

[01:43:16] how to dress um just if you like acting if you like theater if you like movie as an art form is a fun movie to watch because you just see people it's a character piece yeah yeah you see people really disappearing into their roles and um it's believable it's worth watching i feel like if it didn't have the cast it it would be fucking sky tv bullshit but um you're not wrong it does feel like a three-part

[01:43:46] miniseries yeah doyle's fucking war ass fucking but i'm reminded of a 2019 2018 movie the two popes now this was based on what really happened after john paul ii passed away and so that was another one where it's like it's it's just some fantastic actors jonathan price anthony hopkins and that one was produced by netflix so they may still have it on their site i don't know

[01:44:15] so that's what made me think i was like oh yeah there was this other pope related movie but that was based on a true story but i'm hyped i want to see conclave now now that you've broken that down for me that that to me it's skyrocketed up the list yeah it's super like it's i think it does ask some some sincere questions about what does it mean to be a good person and can we forgive each other and things like that but it's also the seriousness of your picking the head of your faith yeah that's

[01:44:44] a pretty important question yeah i don't know again i was raised southern baptist all this catholicism that seems like weird fairy tale stuff which is great you look at it like a fantasy movie yeah where are the hobbits that's the altar boys but uh so i heard you also are addicted to a game i'm also addicted to two games right now the the number one

[01:45:10] is it lives on my phone against all reason and better judgment i did purchase bellatro and i understand now i get why people have lost hours to this game for those of you not familiar we talked about it previously but it is a poker deck builder roguelike and granted the decks are built for you

[01:45:38] but the principle of the thing is the same as you go through the game you get additional cards and bonuses and whatnots and multipliers and all that jokers all the jokers i love the jokers baby um i have a soft spot for a couple of them it's the one that repeats multipliers based on the number of times you played a particular hand i'm like oh yeah well two pair that's my hand uh so i'm always

[01:46:06] gonna get that ranch out man those two pairs i know two pairs normie shit man you gotta get into those straights in those full houses brother straights are so fucking hard to come by but principle of the thing is you will start talking like this uh once you start playing bellatro i did for some reason i had some coupon on google play store so it was like oh it's like supposed to be 10 bucks but it's gonna be six i'm like great cool let's do it and i definitely have already gotten

[01:46:33] my money's worth and i'm still in the intermission i saw a stage play today i'll talk about it in the next episode i was like cool i have bellatro time now the last couple meetings i went to oh yeah yeah yeah it's i went to a hockey game last night and i was really fucking tempted to just break out bellatro so m would say something like really you're gonna do that here but like i have like broke it out

[01:47:02] like it's like oh this is gonna be a problem yeah i know and then uh the other game i'm addicted to is final fantasy 7 rebirth which we also share that in common i know you're playing the steam version yeah now i'm playing the ps5 version uh with the only real difference is that the controller speaker will chirp at me in with the chocobo noises boy i didn't think i would get into it i kind of hate it

[01:47:32] really but i want to hear what you have to say i didn't think i'd get into it i'm having the same kind of open world there's a lot of shit to do kind of thing that i did with spider-man 2 it's a little bit of like okay chadley i gotta go do million fucking ubisoft towers okay fine side quests that you unlock and some of the neat stuff that's all character stuff i appreciate that

[01:48:01] they wove that into it so that the side quest stuff doesn't feel like it's just there to check a box right so because when you go and do some of these side quests in final fantasy 7 rebirth sometimes you'll get a unique dialogue or sometimes you'll get kind of a neat little character moment you're like okay well i'm being rewarded for exploring a bit or kind of because the way the

[01:48:26] game is structured you know you start with the flashback to nibbleheim and then you go to calm and then you go you know you're you're exploring all the areas around calm and then you go through the mithril mines and you go to junon so i'm in the junon section now and if you go straight down the critical path you'll skip a lot of stuff in junon and you can do that apparently according to a lot

[01:48:55] of things i've read like yeah you can just go straight critical path and just but all the side stuff in junon the crow's nest and and you gotta chase the dog around and there's special music when you're chasing the dog around it's like woof woof woof or bow wow wow every little bit of extra music every little bit of extra they remix the chocobo theme based on the region you're in

[01:49:18] it's just little touches it's definitely probably going to wear on me again i'm 12 hours into this game and i haven't left the third area it is going to be a long game at the same time i'm enjoying it because there is a huge variety of things to do now granted a lot of these things to do are repetitive go here climb a tower hit a button do a thing but things like in junon there's a section of

[01:49:47] this gameplay area where exposure to mako radiation turns you into a frog and then you have to play a fall guys type of mini game where you're a frog avoiding rotating blades on a panel and you're jumping around and it's time to okay that's kind of neat it's kind of fun queen's blood the card game i'm getting deep into queen's blood now it's just like gwent you know in the witcher 3 or it's just

[01:50:16] like i can't remember what the name of the card game was in final fantasy 8 but it's just it's an engaging side activity but it can take over your brain at the same time yes the critical path is kind of boring how what what has your experience been like because i'm curious i just i felt like getting out of nibbleheim was a fucking slog even though i think there's some really good stuff in there

[01:50:42] narratively speaking i felt like the part in calm was weird like i don't know what's going on narratively like it all feels really fucking weird i just got done with the chocobo farm and so just started the shit with chadley and i haven't been able haven't had the opportunity to pick it back up for a minute but i'm just kind of like ah let me do the ubisoft shit and that's fine

[01:51:10] like and i don't mind doing the combat stuff because like i think the combat's actually pretty fun in the game i actually this one of my favorite i actually like the combat i'm getting back into it it took me a while yeah but it just doesn't so far have like the polish that remake had i can i can definitely see that just from a storytelling standpoint but i think once you get to junon

[01:51:34] once you meet yuffy and we start getting more of the anti-shinra action going i think it picks up which is again 10 hours into the game if you're doing all the side shit so yeah and it's a hard recommend it's not like a boring 10 hours i'm just trying to figure out like where's this fucking going well i mean it's following a lot of the story beats of the original from my vague recollection

[01:51:57] sure it feels pretty consistent there's a lot of silly stuff but like like the yakuza games it's aware that it's silly sure and that helps a little there's stuff that happens in the beginning like with zach that doesn't make any sense to me and i've been told by someone that like it will make sense and you will hate it because it's all of the kingdom hearts ass shit yeah and i'm

[01:52:27] like cool i hate i hate kingdom hearts with a passion i've hated it since i was 15 yeah never played it beyond the first one and never really felt like there was anything there it to me it's just like it's this seems like really contrite fan fiction if i wanted to read really contrite fan fiction

[01:52:50] there's i can go read fallout escueteria or anything on ao3 really yeah it's just i don't have any fucking time for that but i'm gonna give it some more time um just been busy with other things but uh so far i'm kind of it does i love pretty much every part of remake front to back i had so much fun with

[01:53:15] that that just really tickled the nostalgia in a way that didn't feel weird or problematic or cheap it's like hey it's everything you remember but it's all better and it feels right even though there was some kingdom hearts ass shit going on like it didn't annoy me that much it still was fun it was cool to see these spaces and these characters a little bit more fleshed out like you know like wedge biggs and uh

[01:53:44] jesse jesse yeah yeah like jesse's such a great character in that game and getting the guy um from breaking bad the voice uh wedge yeah not jesse but yeah yeah but yeah give give rebirth a little bit more time i think um once once you get to junon it does start to open up a bit personally again this is my experience so who knows if it's gonna be i'll give

[01:54:12] it a shot because i was definitely like coming into nibbleheim like oh this is gonna be painful oddly enough i don't think i like it as much as i did in nibbleheim in the original game no yeah which is a weird thing because the game is 20 something years old mm-hmm but anyways um one last thing before we close it out i did rewatch um late night with the

[01:54:39] devil okay the other night and i think on second viewing i really liked that movie a lot more i still think like the ai shit sucks i still think everything from when again these are big spoilers here yeah when she kills when lily kills everyone i think the movie fucking falls apart i think it jumps the shark it's really unfortunate because

[01:55:06] i think everything up to that moment's still super fun and captivating and it's got like the right tone but it feels like it's really quick to wrap everything up yeah i feel like that was definitely like notes like somebody came in and was like we don't understand the ending shoot some stuff to clarify yeah and some of that i think that clarification that lord dump at the very end

[01:55:34] yeah some of it's okay and some of it isn't but i think it it hurts the movie more than it helps but man everything up until that point is so much fun oh yeah the stuff with carmichael the stuff with lily the characterization the the rhythm of it yeah when they break for commercial and it cuts to the 16 mil footage it feels a piece even though it's clearly you know we're different formats you know we're

[01:56:00] different ratios it's still it has this weird continuity like you're watching an unbroken series of events yeah happening not necessarily in real time but close enough and and that makes it more palpable i guess it has this sense of like this is a thing that actually happened granted you know that it's not true there's a sense of believability yeah you're drawn in and i think that works to the film's

[01:56:27] credit and there's some great performances and some some good special effects and the tone is really good for most of that movie of like being very much like this late 70s schlock of late night oh it has that look too boy they really nailed a lot of those things with costume and and color and the humor some of the jokes i mean he has the jokes too it's it's a fun movie

[01:56:53] and i i showed it to m and she's not a big movie or horror person like i am so you know she's like what'd you think of like i already seen it but i like it more on the second screening she's like oh and i think um i think she kind of also felt like it fell apart in the same spot but it's the kind of movie you do want to share with someone though so i think that's the appropriate way you know that would have been the one that we picked up from the the local video store on vhs and been

[01:57:20] like oh my god you've seen this shit yeah it's you know there's other movies out there that i'd like the i would in theory like to share with people like i saw the tv glow but that movie's that's a that's a that one's got a lot to chew on lynchian is the last thing i heard to describe it and and boy's like oh yeah showing brown yeah she's up there with the more like what who are the modern

[01:57:46] lynchian directors like yeah going to the world's fair and that i still haven't seen going to the world's fair but i've heard it's worth watching you got the hbo max it's it's on there all right take a little looky lou i guess that means it's time for us to tell you where to find us on the old interweb brian if you want to stalk me on the internet you can find me on uh twitter at

[01:58:09] ishock ed board i-s-h-o-t-g-u-i-d-b-o-r-d uh you can find me on instagram and other places as a music photographer if you want to check out my photography portfolio it's over at assholemusicphotographer.com and if you want to check out the last and only good media website left in st louis you can head on over to the artsstl.com a little quiet right now it's a little

[01:58:35] kind of quiet part of the year for for that sort of trade but it's picking up next couple months i think it'll be pretty wild so i'm looking forward to that um yeah i think that's all i got jason where can they tell you that you're gay if i snap my fingers you will forget you were ever gay uh you can do that at video crime chances are if there's a website where there's a video crime

[01:59:00] that's going to be me most likely these days i'm hanging out at blue sky and letterbox letterbox of course talking about movies and blue sky the social media network of the future you can find me on another podcast that's not this one where i play the fictionalized version of stephen king that's right it's submitted for the approval of the midnight pals we're on a bit of a break this week but we are doing a q a episode it's kind of fun because i get to answer questions both as myself

[01:59:29] and in character as stephen king that is midnight-pals.simplecast.com our last episode i believe was the mini episode the talented mr ripley real fun good times to be had there a lot of people ask us how they can get in contact with us well my personal favorite is the telephone that's 314-246-9766

[01:59:53] that's 314 ahoy poo if you like to spell with your telephone you can shoot us an email jason at the number four the number eight minutes of dogs barking.com or brian with a y at the number four the number eight minutes of dogs barking.com you can also support the show patreon.com slash four eight minutes dogs there we do a number of little weird little things like our post show hangout called

[02:00:18] thanks i hate it freaky stuff under the mind zone and our punishment tier if you get yourself in at the ten dollar level you can get yourself not only a copy of something we've already done which is the 90 minute commentary track on the japanese puke fetish video gero monster home delivery but also to choose how to punish us this year we have not settled on anything as of yet but we'll see how the day goes

[02:00:47] well that tells me that it's about that time as we always say namaste good luck give mommy a good gut fucking eat the knife and hey who ate all the pussy spoiler alert it was elon musk that seems highly improbable who ate all the pussy wait that's kissing jer

[02:01:15] who ate all the pussy who ate all the pussy i don't know jew boy there's no pussy eating here this is the war room