Episode 121 : You Made Me Throw Up My Happy Meal

[00:00:00] As President, I will support Israel's right to win its war on babies, and I will appoint child predators and bloodthirsty rapists to the US Supreme Court.

[00:00:09] Our goal will be, as I said, the complete obliteration of our country.

[00:00:13] I'm here tonight because we must round up Christians and throw them in jail.

[00:00:17] How many Catholics do we have? Whoa!

[00:00:19] I love you, get out! We want you out! Nobody's safe.

[00:00:22] 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking!

[00:00:33] Woo woo woo!

[00:00:37] Growl!

[00:00:42] Growl!

[00:00:44] 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking!

[00:00:46] 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking!

[00:00:56] This is 48 Minutes of Dogs Drinking.

[00:01:00] Mr. Jason over here, he's giving me some Midnight Moon Moonshine Cookies and Cream.

[00:01:06] And he took a sniff of it before handing it to me, and it was like he was sniffing varnish that had turned bad.

[00:01:13] It's pungent is all I'm saying.

[00:01:14] Ooh, it stings the nostrils.

[00:01:16] That's what I was saying.

[00:01:18] Yeah, it's the Moonshake.

[00:01:19] It is a moonshine flavored like a milkshake.

[00:01:23] Cookies and cream, it says.

[00:01:25] It's actually pretty good.

[00:01:26] Let's see here.

[00:01:27] Damn, I'm about to call my dad and tell him I'm tired of his shit.

[00:01:30] Mm-hmm.

[00:01:31] That'll get you fighting something.

[00:01:33] No shit, that's a Bailey's type of deal.

[00:01:35] Damn.

[00:01:35] Man, put that in your coffee?

[00:01:36] Let's go, baby.

[00:01:38] I'm gonna start doing that at work.

[00:01:40] Hell yeah, let's go.

[00:01:43] I coughed on my water bottle at work.

[00:01:47] And someone said, oh, you got some strong water there?

[00:01:51] And I go, man, I just can't drink the cheap vodka like I used to.

[00:01:56] And someone had to be like, dude, now I have to smell your water.

[00:01:59] And then I open up my water bottle and I'm like, it's just water.

[00:02:02] And they're like, fuck.

[00:02:03] God damn it.

[00:02:03] Yeah, they thought they got you.

[00:02:05] I wish.

[00:02:07] Yeah.

[00:02:07] Nah, this seems like a warehouse where people just get really fucking high.

[00:02:10] I think you can operate a forklift a lot better when you're just really stoned instead of drunk.

[00:02:14] That makes sense.

[00:02:15] It's warehouse science.

[00:02:17] Yeah.

[00:02:17] It's warehouse science.

[00:02:19] If I'm...

[00:02:19] It's just math, man.

[00:02:20] It's warehouse science.

[00:02:21] If I'm fucking someone in my department, but I'm also fucking someone that works across

[00:02:28] on the other side of the building, they're never gonna meet.

[00:02:31] Fair.

[00:02:32] Yeah.

[00:02:32] That's warehouse math.

[00:02:34] That's not...

[00:02:34] By the way, that is not something I'm partaking in.

[00:02:37] It's just things that I observe happening like, oh, yeah, I'm hooking up.

[00:02:42] Like, I'm banging two different people.

[00:02:44] Right.

[00:02:45] But they work in exact opposite corners of the building.

[00:02:47] Which...

[00:02:48] So theoretically, they're never going to meet, which is like not...

[00:02:51] Not true at all.

[00:02:53] Yeah.

[00:02:53] When y'all are gonna slip up?

[00:02:55] Exactly right.

[00:02:56] Well, you know who's never gonna slip up.

[00:02:57] That's right.

[00:02:58] 48 Minutes Dogs Barking.

[00:02:59] I'm Jason.

[00:02:59] That's Brian.

[00:03:00] We're enjoying our festive activities here on a Thursday evening here in the beautiful

[00:03:05] city of St. Louis.

[00:03:06] It was beautiful Blur's Day.

[00:03:07] And boy, it's just...

[00:03:10] I'm trying to forget the election.

[00:03:12] It's just...

[00:03:12] I'm trying real hard because everything in me just wants to open up the mic and just be

[00:03:16] like, hey, yeah, so fuck the DNC, fuck what...

[00:03:19] You know, like all that.

[00:03:20] Yeah, it's the recent episode of Chapo Trap House had Felix kind of rehashing what he

[00:03:24] said after Hillary lost, which is, you know, like Dale Earnhardt, Hillary failed to turn

[00:03:29] left.

[00:03:31] Woo!

[00:03:32] And I mean, nothing really like would take my enthusiasm out of something like finding

[00:03:38] out like someone was really into like Harris.

[00:03:41] Yeah.

[00:03:41] Yeah.

[00:03:42] Like I had gone on a date with someone like a month or so ago.

[00:03:45] We were kind of just like talking.

[00:03:48] We were at Forest Park sitting on a hill and like having this really lovely conversation.

[00:03:52] And then like she like breaks out her phone and she's like, oh yeah, you want to see like

[00:03:57] this really cool sweater I bought?

[00:03:58] And like I got like a matching cup.

[00:04:00] Mm hmm.

[00:04:00] And it was like all like Harris stuff.

[00:04:03] And I'm like, I think I was visibly frowning.

[00:04:06] Mm hmm.

[00:04:06] And I was like, I'm just and she's like, why?

[00:04:09] I'm like, I just I just don't really believe I'm not a conservative.

[00:04:13] I'm not a Democrat.

[00:04:14] I'm that special third thing.

[00:04:16] Oh, oh, like a Bernie bro.

[00:04:19] And I'm like further left in that if you can believe it.

[00:04:21] And she's like, oh, OK, that's cool.

[00:04:22] I'm like, OK, at least you don't think like I'm going to like spoil the election or something

[00:04:28] or or say actually it's like when kids in cages, when Democrats do it, it's bad.

[00:04:34] Right.

[00:04:34] Perhaps even worse than when Republicans do it.

[00:04:37] That I'm like I'm spoiling the party like, oh, OK, cool.

[00:04:40] OK, we can hang.

[00:04:41] It's tenuous out there.

[00:04:42] Well, the one thing, the one bright spot that I have had in this week is this article courtesy

[00:04:47] of Parker Malloy in the present age.

[00:04:49] Folks, folks, we're going to see if we can find out if the female orgasm is real.

[00:04:55] That's right.

[00:04:56] The Onion now owns InfoWars.

[00:05:00] Ben Collins, the CEO of The Onion's parent company Global Tetrahedron told the New York Times, quote,

[00:05:07] we thought this would be a hilarious joke.

[00:05:09] This is going to be our answer to the no guardrails world where there are no gatekeepers and everything's

[00:05:15] kind of insane.

[00:05:16] Parker opining here.

[00:05:18] Well, mission accomplished, Ben.

[00:05:20] Here's the deal.

[00:05:21] The reason this is how happening is because InfoWars has been pushing the Sandy Hook truther

[00:05:26] thing.

[00:05:26] Like, oh, all these kids were crisis actors.

[00:05:29] They got sued to oblivion.

[00:05:30] They had to sell off all their assets.

[00:05:32] And one of the people to get into that auction was Ben Collins of The Onion.

[00:05:36] That's amazing.

[00:05:37] My favorite part of this is Ben Collins on Blue Sky, who goes with the handle Tim Onion.

[00:05:44] Ben, great.

[00:05:46] Oh, like Tim Apple?

[00:05:48] Yeah, yeah.

[00:05:49] And it says, I would like to reiterate, we own everything.

[00:05:54] The broadcast equipment, the supplements, the intellectual property for Brain Force Plus.

[00:06:01] We are still trying to figure out what to do with it.

[00:06:05] I can't imagine what that has to be like for the people working with Ben on this transition

[00:06:13] and trying to understand what they actually have.

[00:06:16] Because, like, okay, so we did this thing.

[00:06:19] We own the platform that has done so much terrible shit in the world.

[00:06:23] And now we're going to make it some weird art Dadaist thing, I imagine.

[00:06:31] But we also own the 9-11 dick pills.

[00:06:34] Yes, absolutely.

[00:06:36] Ben also posting this that he had an interview with USA Today.

[00:06:40] As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately.

[00:06:46] Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO's life by 10 minutes,

[00:06:52] diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste.

[00:06:57] Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat

[00:07:03] and boil the contents down into a single candy bar-sized omni vitamin

[00:07:08] that one executive, I will not name names, may eat in order to increase his power

[00:07:13] and perhaps become immortal.

[00:07:15] What an amazing line.

[00:07:17] What an amazing soundbite.

[00:07:20] And yes, they did get the desk, he confirms.

[00:07:25] He posted on the Global Tetrahedron site.

[00:07:28] Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands.

[00:07:33] And let me say, I really do see it as a family.

[00:07:36] Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth,

[00:07:39] interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard

[00:07:43] according to the opaque whims of the market.

[00:07:45] And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.

[00:07:51] All told, the decision to acquire InfoWars was an easy one.

[00:07:56] There is nothing funnier.

[00:07:58] I have been laughing at this all day.

[00:08:00] Just fantastic.

[00:08:01] I actually had a guy come up to me at work and be like, dude, did you hear who bought InfoWars?

[00:08:05] I go to Onion and he goes, dude, that's so, he's just like, that's so fucking crazy.

[00:08:09] He just walked away.

[00:08:10] He just like wanted to be like, he just wanted me to know.

[00:08:13] Yeah.

[00:08:14] In case I wasn't hip to it.

[00:08:16] Like, yeah, I, I like, I've been refreshing CNN all day, man.

[00:08:20] Not for this, just because I'm going to make it really depressing.

[00:08:24] What do you think the, the odds are on Alex Jones, um, getting position in the Trump administration?

[00:08:30] Oh, what's the over under?

[00:08:32] Uh, I feel likely.

[00:08:35] Yeah.

[00:08:35] I mean, it's better than 50%.

[00:08:37] I'd say 75.

[00:08:38] Yeah.

[00:08:39] You think so?

[00:08:39] He got fucking Matt Gaetz in there.

[00:08:41] I don't know if that confirmation is going through though.

[00:08:43] So we'll see.

[00:08:44] But, uh, it was, he was prepared.

[00:08:46] Well, insane.

[00:08:47] Yeah.

[00:08:48] Yeah.

[00:08:48] Absolutely.

[00:08:49] More insane than Matt Gaetz.

[00:08:50] I feel like Matt Gaetz might be a limited hangout in order to get Tulsi Gabbard through

[00:08:55] because he, he's got the shock and awe of being just like an irredeemable human being.

[00:09:00] Yeah.

[00:09:01] Um, but Tulsi Gabbard is a like irredeemable human being plus two.

[00:09:05] This all started with a shit post that Ben Collins put online at siege.online in response

[00:09:12] to the fact that Infowars is going, you know, all their stuff is going up to auction.

[00:09:16] And just post Ben Collins has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever.

[00:09:21] Ben quote tweets it with an Elon Musk tweet saying looking into it.

[00:09:25] Yeah.

[00:09:28] And lo and behold, not five months later, here we are.

[00:09:32] So beautiful.

[00:09:33] That's a beautiful thing.

[00:09:35] What, what great, what great day for the internet.

[00:09:39] He's continuing to post through it.

[00:09:41] He says, part of the reason we bought Infowars is because people on blue sky told us it would

[00:09:45] be funny to buy Infowars.

[00:09:47] And those people were right.

[00:09:48] This is the funniest thing that has ever happened.

[00:09:51] It's right up there.

[00:09:52] It's right up there when Trump had COVID.

[00:09:54] That's what I was about to say.

[00:09:55] Absolutely.

[00:09:56] It's pretty good.

[00:09:58] Another funny thing that happened, not funny in the same way, but in a very different way.

[00:10:04] I take it.

[00:10:05] You're familiar with Nick Fuentes.

[00:10:07] I am aware of this man.

[00:10:09] All right.

[00:10:09] Well, the other day after the election, he posts on Twitter.

[00:10:12] Is that the guy who pisses his own mouth?

[00:10:14] I don't know about that.

[00:10:16] I just know he's a vile piece of shit.

[00:10:18] Yeah.

[00:10:18] So he posts your body, my choice forever on Twitter.

[00:10:22] Three days later, up, doxxed on Twitter.

[00:10:25] Took him about three hours to get that taken down, but not before folks in his hometown

[00:10:30] started knocking on his door, ringing his doorbell.

[00:10:33] Same guy that told me that the Onion bought Infowars also told me, hey, did you see that

[00:10:38] Nick Fuentes' address got leaked online?

[00:10:41] I go, yeah.

[00:10:42] He goes, you know, Chicago's not that far of a drive.

[00:10:44] I'm like, all right.

[00:10:45] Hell yeah, bro.

[00:10:46] Let's go.

[00:10:47] I was like, all right, dude.

[00:10:49] Let's get a couple fucking bottles of night train and just drive up north for a while

[00:10:55] and whoop some ass.

[00:10:57] A young woman, I say young woman, a woman in Illinois goes by the name of Marla Rose.

[00:11:02] Who's on Facebook posted this.

[00:11:04] Okay, so what would you do if a neo-Nazi white supremacist who called on a holy war against

[00:11:09] Jews and is a loud, proud misogynist lives in your town?

[00:11:12] You're a Jewish feminist and you know his address?

[00:11:14] Further, what would you do if friend after friend messaged you with his address and told

[00:11:19] you that you should pop over since you live in the same town and report what it looks like

[00:11:23] from outside his home at, and then the address blanked out.

[00:11:26] Are there boxes potentially possessing dog poo?

[00:11:30] Are there boxes potentially possessing used menstrual products?

[00:11:34] What would you do if it's a Sunday and you've done your work for the day?

[00:11:37] Pop over there.

[00:11:38] You would.

[00:11:39] You're a good friend.

[00:11:39] You're curious as well.

[00:11:41] So that is what I did.

[00:11:42] I shot a short video less than two minutes from the public property of the sidewalk outside

[00:11:47] his address, noting that there were no boxes.

[00:11:50] As I did, a woman pulled up in a car, rolled down her window and was like, is this where

[00:11:54] the douchebag lives?

[00:11:55] And I was like, I think so.

[00:11:57] And we laughed about his incel ass for a minute.

[00:11:59] Then she was like, you should ring his doorbell and see what he has to say for himself.

[00:12:05] And I have one serious weakness.

[00:12:07] It's chocolate.

[00:12:07] Okay.

[00:12:08] I have two.

[00:12:08] One more relevant for this situation.

[00:12:10] I cannot back down from anything that even smacks of a dare.

[00:12:13] So I figured shrug emoji.

[00:12:16] There were no, no solicitor signs up and believe it or not, I would have respected that.

[00:12:21] So I rang the doorbell.

[00:12:22] He immediately swung the door open.

[00:12:24] Like he was at damn Waco sprayed me with a burning liquid pepper spray mace and pushed

[00:12:31] me down the stairs onto his sidewalk.

[00:12:33] I rolled into a protective position because I was anticipating kicks or stomps.

[00:12:37] He grabbed my phone, ran back inside, bolted the door and shut the blinds friends.

[00:12:41] It is dark in there like a bunker.

[00:12:43] I have video.

[00:12:45] I am holding onto it for evidence.

[00:12:47] Well, thankfully she posted it anyway.

[00:12:50] So this is Marla Rose approaching the door of Nick Fuentes.

[00:12:54] And he immediately hits her with the pepper spray or whatever it is.

[00:12:57] Takes her phone.

[00:12:59] That is fucking wild.

[00:13:00] Yeah.

[00:13:01] First thing he does is opens the door of pepper spray.

[00:13:03] What if that had been David Duke knocking on his door?

[00:13:06] How embarrassed he would have been.

[00:13:09] I know.

[00:13:09] Ridiculous.

[00:13:12] Short-sighted is what that is.

[00:13:13] Short-sighted.

[00:13:14] I like how Nick Fuentes has like the broccoli haircut too.

[00:13:17] Oh yeah.

[00:13:17] Like he isn't our age.

[00:13:18] And someone combining our story from last week about the guy calling the young men his concubines.

[00:13:24] It's at Aetius, at A-E-T-I-U-S-R-F on Twitter.

[00:13:28] I've come for you Fuentes.

[00:13:30] You will be my concubine.

[00:13:31] Pepper spray, pepper spray, pepper spray.

[00:13:33] That just makes me harder.

[00:13:37] Well, I guess even in our justified revenge fantasies, I guess we just immediately think of male-on-male sexual violence as a thing that's justified.

[00:13:47] Yeah.

[00:13:47] If we're going by the things that get discussed at work when we're under stress, yes.

[00:13:54] I think a lot of different things are justified when it comes to Nick Fuentes, so I'm going to reserve judgment.

[00:13:59] Rape is kind of drawing the line, I think.

[00:14:01] I don't think rape is funny unless it happens to Nick Fuentes.

[00:14:06] That's fair.

[00:14:06] You know what?

[00:14:06] I'll give you that one.

[00:14:07] Just a perpetual misery machine.

[00:14:09] Just that guy.

[00:14:10] He's just beset on all sides by the world.

[00:14:13] It's great.

[00:14:13] Like a double-wide surprise.

[00:14:17] And our last story to make you laugh this week, Brian.

[00:14:20] I love the laugh at a movie that looks like it's going to fucking bomb.

[00:14:24] For those of you not playing along at home, the movie Wicked is coming out.

[00:14:29] The Joker 2 for broads.

[00:14:31] I thought Joker 2 was the Joker for broads.

[00:14:34] Anyway, because Lady Gaga's in it.

[00:14:36] Based on the immensely popular book, which became a musical, everybody knows the song Defying Gravity,

[00:14:40] the stage musical now becoming a film,

[00:14:42] the fine folks over at Mattel are going to capitalize on this by making Wicked dolls, right?

[00:14:50] Dolls.

[00:14:51] They're fucking wicked, bro.

[00:14:52] Yeah.

[00:14:53] Like they come with a Jersey Mike's coupon.

[00:14:55] Oh, yeah.

[00:14:56] You got to get it Mike's way, bro.

[00:14:58] Anyway, who the fuck is Mike?

[00:15:00] So yes, Mattel put these series of dolls out.

[00:15:03] Now, the website for the movie is wickedmovie.com.

[00:15:09] Can you guess what website was printed on these boxes?

[00:15:14] Vivid video?

[00:15:15] I don't know.

[00:15:16] Wicked.com, home of Jenna Jameson.

[00:15:19] Oh!

[00:15:21] And many other, many other adult film stars.

[00:15:24] Yes, it is a porn website.

[00:15:25] Listen.

[00:15:26] Wicked Features has been around since the 90s.

[00:15:29] They have had that website since forever.

[00:15:31] Poor Jenna Jameson is dealing with like multiple degenerative diseases.

[00:15:35] So you know what?

[00:15:36] She needs all the eyes on her.

[00:15:37] That's fair.

[00:15:38] Of her legacy work.

[00:15:39] You know what?

[00:15:40] I'm going to go.

[00:15:41] Let's see what wicked.com has.

[00:15:42] See what we got here.

[00:15:43] Because wicked.com has been around since, according to this Hollywood Reporter article, since 1994.

[00:15:49] Wicked Pictures.

[00:15:51] Wicked is fucking, the snatch.

[00:15:53] He is unbelievable.

[00:15:55] Let's see here.

[00:15:55] Kenzie Loves Girls.

[00:15:56] That's the new title they're coming out with here.

[00:16:00] Let's see here.

[00:16:00] The Sunny Gold Melons.

[00:16:02] The 66th Day, starring Vanna Bardot.

[00:16:05] Kenzie Loves Girls, too.

[00:16:06] Everybody's got the Kenzie Loves Girls.

[00:16:08] Kenzie Taylor, Giselle Blanco.

[00:16:10] I love how on this porno site, everything is made up to look like a Netflix.

[00:16:16] Yeah, there's the production values are surprisingly middle brow.

[00:16:20] Now they've always been pretty high because I remember wicked being like, oh, Jules Blue.

[00:16:25] Yeah, Jules Blue.

[00:16:26] Who else we got here?

[00:16:27] Stormy Daniels, obviously.

[00:16:27] Mm-hmm.

[00:16:28] Coco Lovecocks is a wicked girl.

[00:16:31] God.

[00:16:31] That chick's insane.

[00:16:33] She's very nuts.

[00:16:34] I'm guessing you saw the same video about the McDonald's.

[00:16:37] Yeah.

[00:16:37] Yeah.

[00:16:42] Now, at the bottom.

[00:16:45] That is, I feel, I feel like it's like one of those things like, I killed someone 20 years ago, and you're being like, I know.

[00:16:51] Yeah.

[00:16:51] It's so upsetting that you know what I'm referencing.

[00:16:56] Purgatory X.

[00:16:57] Anyway.

[00:17:01] Anyway.

[00:17:08] Oh, God.

[00:17:10] How irredeemable are we?

[00:17:12] We're pretty bad.

[00:17:13] We're like guys that look at Goatsy like it's an old friend.

[00:17:16] Yeah.

[00:17:16] Hey.

[00:17:16] Yeah.

[00:17:16] I have pierced a veil between us, which I feel like I cannot repair this.

[00:17:24] I just, here's the thing about that scene.

[00:17:25] I don't like to piss.

[00:17:26] I don't like to piss.

[00:17:27] It's not a good piss scene.

[00:17:28] I know.

[00:17:29] Anyway.

[00:17:30] As it turns out, wicked.com, they also did a bang up job with superhero porn parodies.

[00:17:37] Yeah.

[00:17:37] Apparently they've been winning a bunch of awards.

[00:17:39] They got Spidey pool, triple X, Captain Marvel, triple X, black widow, triple X, and several others.

[00:17:45] But yeah, boy, a Spidey pool.

[00:17:47] Alex Braun doing the thing.

[00:17:49] It's amazing.

[00:17:50] It's amazing.

[00:17:51] Their roster is very deep.

[00:17:53] It goes back 30 years.

[00:17:54] But the dolls are now making their way to eBay, of course, because that's what happens with a misprint on a box like this.

[00:18:00] The products with misprinted labels starting at $100 all the way up to $800, the dolls retail for $24.99 and $39.99 respectively.

[00:18:10] So I love this type of thing because it used to happen all the time with whitehouse.com.

[00:18:14] Yeah.

[00:18:15] That was like the high school one.

[00:18:18] Yeah.

[00:18:18] Well, it's still, apparently it's still happening because somebody slapped wicked.com on a box.

[00:18:24] Yeah.

[00:18:25] Some people are theorizing that this is a offshoot of Mattel perhaps cutting some corners using AI for their packaging.

[00:18:34] It wouldn't surprise me in the least.

[00:18:35] Yeah.

[00:18:36] But yes, apparently the dolls were already on the shelves at Walmart, Kohl's, Macy's, Best Buy, DSW, and Amazon.

[00:18:44] Just a hoot.

[00:18:45] I love it.

[00:18:45] Gosh, wow.

[00:18:46] You know, what a terrible thing to happen to a movie that looks absolutely amazing.

[00:18:50] And this still that they have here, already on a grande, which that's a whole thing.

[00:18:55] But Cynthia Erivo, I keep trying to say Enviro, but there's no N in that name.

[00:19:01] Cynthia Erivo, it just, it looks like Gamora from fucking Guardians of the Galaxy.

[00:19:07] It's just a little too uncanny valley, whatever they're doing there.

[00:19:11] You ever just look at a movie and be like, oh, there was probably a really good version as a script at some point.

[00:19:15] And it got fucking beat behind the fucking tool shed.

[00:19:19] And this is what we got stuck with.

[00:19:21] It's already an adaptation of an adaptation.

[00:19:23] Sure.

[00:19:24] It's a fucking artifice of an artifice.

[00:19:27] And the original quotes was a retelling of L Frank Baum's shit from Wizard of Oz.

[00:19:33] So it's already four layers deep.

[00:19:35] It's like a copy of a copy of a copy of a VHS tape.

[00:19:38] There's not, there's a limit to how bad it could get.

[00:19:40] The degradation and generation loss.

[00:19:42] How bad could it get?

[00:19:43] Well, I guess we're about to see this summer.

[00:19:47] Only in theaters, Brian.

[00:19:49] When does this fucking wet turd come out?

[00:19:52] I do not know.

[00:19:53] Wouldn't it be funny if they dumped it in January?

[00:19:55] Cause that's where all the shit movies end up.

[00:19:57] I get the feeling this is probably like their big Christmas or big Thanksgiving.

[00:20:02] November 22nd.

[00:20:03] Oh my gosh.

[00:20:04] This is their big Thanksgiving movie.

[00:20:05] It is.

[00:20:05] Wow.

[00:20:05] They're really, they're really fucking swinging for the fences here.

[00:20:08] Like this, this thing looks like hot.

[00:20:10] Have you watched the trailer?

[00:20:11] Yeah, it's terrible.

[00:20:12] It looks like hot garbage.

[00:20:13] It looks like something that would have been like on Sky TV 20 years ago.

[00:20:17] Or on Hulu today.

[00:20:19] It's bad, yo.

[00:20:20] We know what else is bad.

[00:20:22] Getting scammed out of $6 million.

[00:20:24] That's right.

[00:20:24] It's crypto scam of the week, Brian.

[00:20:26] You're listening to 48 minutes of dogs barking the podcast.

[00:20:30] And now it's time for the crypto scam of the week.

[00:20:34] Oh, baby.

[00:20:34] 6 million smackers.

[00:20:35] 6 million smackers.

[00:20:38] God, you could buy so many wicked dolls with porno URLs on them.

[00:20:43] So this courtesy of Cointelegraph, Arisht Sarkar writing here,

[00:20:48] Phishing scam via fake Zoom link costs Giga Investor $6 million.

[00:20:54] Now, of course, Giga, short for the GigaChad token.

[00:20:57] He held $6 million worth of the GigaChad token.

[00:21:02] So, first of all, problem number one.

[00:21:06] But also, yeah, it says November 12th, Giga recorded an unusual price drop triggered by a massive sell-off.

[00:21:12] Soon after, prominent pseudonymous Giga investor still in the game proactively alerted against the involvement of a hacker.

[00:21:21] Just want to be transparent, he says.

[00:21:24] The massive sell on Giga today was due to one of my wallets being drained by a fake Zoom link.

[00:21:30] This hurts bad, but I will be back.

[00:21:32] I will always stay in the game.

[00:21:35] That's right, man.

[00:21:36] Fucking hustle your way back there, man.

[00:21:40] Fucking getting your little two and three X's on your meme coins.

[00:21:43] And you get back, you build your portfolio up over six months, and then you click another fucking bad Zoom link.

[00:21:50] And lose your $500,000 that you grinded so hard for on peanut coin or some shit.

[00:21:58] The minute that peanut story came out, I'm sure there was $50 million.

[00:22:02] There is.

[00:22:03] Are you all in on it?

[00:22:04] No, but it is one of those, unfortunately, one of those crypto projects where if you were to take the chart and look at the fucking God fucking candle.

[00:22:16] Yeah.

[00:22:17] It is literally a flat line, like fucking straight up, tiny little bull flag at the top.

[00:22:23] Oh boy.

[00:22:24] And you're just like, well, a lot of people that aren't me just made a bunch of money by being stupid.

[00:22:34] And I'm like, yeah, I'm bringing this at work.

[00:22:37] Yeah.

[00:22:37] Like, well, all right, I guess.

[00:22:40] So, scam sniffer on Twitter here posting what the link looks like.

[00:22:46] The first one, which is on the left, does look pretty legit because good scam links do.

[00:22:50] The Cointelegraph continues,

[00:22:52] Still in the Game said the phishing website installed malware on their laptop, which the hacker later used to collate funds from three wallets into one before cashing out.

[00:23:03] He owned 95.3 million giga tokens valued at $6 million.

[00:23:09] The hacker exchanged them for $11,759 Solana worth about $2.1 million before converting them to Tether and USD coin.

[00:23:20] So, the giga holder lost the $6 million.

[00:23:23] Mm-hmm.

[00:23:23] But then the scammer sold it for $2 million.

[00:23:27] Right, because there probably wasn't a liquidity pool.

[00:23:29] Yeah.

[00:23:30] So, if he had been smart, he would have been chiseling.

[00:23:33] You're not fucking up the chart too much.

[00:23:36] You're not fucking up the liquidity.

[00:23:37] So, maybe you'd sell $100K over a day.

[00:23:41] Oh, so you want to be scaffolding.

[00:23:43] Yeah.

[00:23:44] Yeah.

[00:23:45] So, that's like, first of all, if you are someone that somehow gets fucking super lucky on some weird crypto bullshit and you turn $800 bucks into $2.1 million, which has honestly happened to more than a handful of people in this world, the ethical way and the intelligent way to do it is really just chisel.

[00:24:03] Sell under $100K.

[00:24:05] Depending on what the liquidity is.

[00:24:08] A little bits at a time.

[00:24:09] A little bits at a time.

[00:24:09] Because you also don't want to fucking cause a sell-off.

[00:24:12] Right.

[00:24:13] You don't want to fuck up the chart.

[00:24:14] So, you're really just giving people little mini dips to buy.

[00:24:18] Okay.

[00:24:18] Bring that liquidity back in.

[00:24:19] Bring that volume back in.

[00:24:21] Oh.

[00:24:22] So, yeah.

[00:24:23] So, you're trying to sell without fucking dipping the chart too much.

[00:24:27] So, you're creating teeny tiny little waves in the chart for people to buy and sell them by.

[00:24:32] Okay.

[00:24:32] Yeah.

[00:24:33] Okay.

[00:24:34] That would be smart.

[00:24:35] Crypto is fucked up.

[00:24:36] But if you're going to be like the least asshole-ish way to do it.

[00:24:40] Yeah.

[00:24:40] That sounds about right.

[00:24:42] So, yes.

[00:24:43] Apparently, he called the FBI and a forensics team to help recover the funds.

[00:24:48] The investor was optimistic about making up the loss in the ongoing bull market.

[00:24:52] Quote, I'm going to make it all back and more.

[00:24:54] Just watch me.

[00:24:55] He's going to fucking hit some luck.

[00:24:57] Yeah.

[00:24:58] Get back close to where he was.

[00:25:00] And do the same thing again.

[00:25:02] Even a couple years on doing this show, I'm still sometimes dumbfounded by just the sheer chutzpah some of these guys.

[00:25:10] Right.

[00:25:11] Is this common?

[00:25:12] This kind of like attitude?

[00:25:14] Or are most people, doomers like me, like, well, I blew my 50 bucks.

[00:25:18] That's fucked.

[00:25:19] I'm done.

[00:25:19] I mean, it's the degen.

[00:25:21] The degenerate mindset.

[00:25:22] Sure.

[00:25:22] Some people just really aren't.

[00:25:25] They're not willing to back down or back down quickly.

[00:25:28] Hmm.

[00:25:29] That is my hot take.

[00:25:31] I have seen people in the crypto space fuck up their bag and like have to get like a fucking job for the first time in a couple of years and still like have that grind set.

[00:25:42] And like, I think that's toxic.

[00:25:45] Yeah.

[00:25:45] But some people, I mean, I do admire some people to some small extent that are tenacious.

[00:25:51] Like I fucked up.

[00:25:52] I fucked up my bag.

[00:25:53] And they're like, I'm not going to let that get me down.

[00:25:56] Sure.

[00:25:56] There is that relentless optimism that is enviable.

[00:25:59] And there are some people that do make the same fucking mistakes over and over again.

[00:26:05] See, I feel like I always fall into the latter category every time.

[00:26:08] Every time I try to make even the tiniest move.

[00:26:11] It's a shit show every time.

[00:26:13] And that's when I decided, you know, I lost my first 200 bucks.

[00:26:16] I'm like, OK, this isn't for me.

[00:26:19] This is good.

[00:26:19] I'm good.

[00:26:20] I'm fine.

[00:26:21] This is it for me.

[00:26:22] So last week, as our main topic, we talked about the depths of despair.

[00:26:26] Despair, Inc.

[00:26:27] Now this week, we're going a little bit lighter, but we want to kind of bring things up a bit.

[00:26:32] It's the folks called the Brunching Shuttlecocks.

[00:26:35] Brian, are you familiar with this at all?

[00:26:37] At all.

[00:26:38] Barely.

[00:26:38] The Brunching Shuttlecocks was a website started by two fellas.

[00:26:41] One whose name I really find a hard time believing is his real name.

[00:26:46] Lore Fitzgerald Joberg.

[00:26:50] What a fucking name.

[00:26:51] What an appellation.

[00:26:52] Yes, sir.

[00:26:53] And why he.

[00:26:55] Yeah.

[00:26:55] I mean, he kind of looks it.

[00:26:56] You know, this is a photo from 2012 courtesy of the everybody wiki.

[00:27:00] But yes, that looks a guy.

[00:27:02] That looks right.

[00:27:03] That tracks.

[00:27:05] And so he joined forces with a gentleman by the name of David Nielsen, also known as the self-made critic.

[00:27:11] And they created an online humor magazine entitled the Brunching Shuttlecocks.

[00:27:17] It was 1997 when they created this website.

[00:27:20] The thing about the Brunching Shuttlecocks was that there were some fun stuff.

[00:27:24] You know, there was some really easy jokes like, oh, here's the.

[00:27:27] And this one's been used by a lot of radio hosts as kind of a game to play on their show.

[00:27:32] And it was quizzes.

[00:27:34] But one of the quizzes was porn star or my little pony in these two columns that, you know, had all these names.

[00:27:42] Which one was the porn star and which one was my little pony?

[00:27:44] Very similar to I'm sure you've heard the game of heavy metal band or prescription drug and things like that.

[00:27:50] Right.

[00:27:50] They also featured things like satirical songs.

[00:27:54] There was one about Bjork that was featured on Dr. Demento in 2001.

[00:27:58] They had an entire hierarchy page devoted to the Harry Potter fandom in 2007, which is really striking when the iron was hot.

[00:28:07] This here, the web archive showing you it in all its glory.

[00:28:11] And this this snapshot is 98.

[00:28:14] OK, so this is what 1998 looked like.

[00:28:16] This shows you what it looked like in 2005 when the site was pretty much over.

[00:28:21] It's a lot of great writing.

[00:28:23] The truth about poinsettias.

[00:28:24] I always felt about these guys that they were kind of the anti Maddox, whereas Maddox was just pissed about everything and everything sucks and blah, blah, blah.

[00:28:33] They're more like, hey, do you like McSweeney's?

[00:28:37] Cool. We're going to do that.

[00:28:38] And yeah, there was an entire comic strip about lore himself called Lore.

[00:28:44] Yeah, they.

[00:28:45] Oh, yeah. The other quiz perfume or Marvel supervillain.

[00:28:49] They had a Jedi Master knowledge quiz.

[00:28:52] They had a write your own Alanis Morissette song.

[00:28:55] This is like pro BuzzFeed.

[00:28:58] Very much so.

[00:28:59] Yes, way too.

[00:29:00] There was even a cyborg name generator.

[00:29:03] You would give it your name.

[00:29:05] Brunching.com.

[00:29:06] Not just for the shit lib in your life.

[00:29:09] Boy, I wonder how bad brunch reservations were last weekend.

[00:29:14] Yeah, I know.

[00:29:15] I mean, there's a lot of writing.

[00:29:17] If you go back through this.

[00:29:18] So much.

[00:29:18] Every week, Satan writing about wine tasting, a review of the Royal Tenenbaums, the apocalypse drinking game.

[00:29:26] Let's go to the apocalypse drinking game.

[00:29:28] This one here, Loris Joburg.

[00:29:30] If the righteous ascend into heaven while the sinful remain on earth to face the tribulations of Satan, take a drink.

[00:29:38] And so on and so forth.

[00:29:39] I mean, it goes through the whole.

[00:29:41] If Christ returns and does battle of the Antichrist at Armageddon and binds him and casts him into the bottomless pit, raises the faithful from the dead, rules the planet in peace and harmony for a thousand years, and welcomes the righteous into heaven and cast the souls of the wicked into the pit of fire to burn for all eternity, finish the bottle.

[00:29:56] Yes, fantastic stuff.

[00:29:58] And it's just, it's sharp.

[00:29:59] It's funny.

[00:30:00] There's always this kind of very dry, satirical wit to it.

[00:30:04] Even the reviews of things like this here, self-made critic, a Daniel Nealbaum writing about the Royal Tenenbaums.

[00:30:10] The line that I always talk about, cockfights aside, this is an intelligent movie about intelligent people.

[00:30:19] Genius is a term tossed about like rice at a politically incorrect wedding.

[00:30:23] This is a film about eggheads and what makes them eggheads.

[00:30:27] It is possible that some people will not like this movie.

[00:30:30] Quite simply, there is no ordinary character with which a normal audience can identify.

[00:30:35] No Mortimer from Arsenic and Old Lace, no Lisa from The Simpsons.

[00:30:40] This may well turn people off, unable to accept the world as it is presented to them.

[00:30:45] Those people are sad and we mock them openly.

[00:30:48] That's some great writing.

[00:30:50] Yeah, and these guys have really, they kept up with so much.

[00:30:54] And again, 1997 to about 2003, they kept writing and writing and writing.

[00:30:59] I mean, articles and quizzes and reviews and just goofy shit.

[00:31:06] Like here's the wedding vows to avoid, you know.

[00:31:09] This one is a flash video.

[00:31:11] They had flash videos which they called Mamma Theater because obviously you got to be on a better connection than most to make full use of them.

[00:31:19] So much content on this one site.

[00:31:23] It's insane, really.

[00:31:24] Let's see here.

[00:31:25] Yeah, stages of coping with terminal illness.

[00:31:28] A review of 8 Mile.

[00:31:29] Here's a Tom Hanks, where is he now?

[00:31:33] 20 years ago we were asking Tom Hanks.

[00:31:36] Where is that man?

[00:31:38] Every month just stacked and packed.

[00:31:41] And I guess there's also kind of a proto cracked because there was always stuff like if movies were smart or...

[00:31:46] Right.

[00:31:46] Let's see here.

[00:31:47] Oh, the Bjork song.

[00:31:48] Oh, the Bjork song.

[00:31:49] Oh, Bjork, Bjork were you brought by the store?

[00:31:53] Or were you created from butter and cork?

[00:31:57] I love you so much that I act like a dork.

[00:32:01] Oh, Bjork, oh, Bjork, oh, Bjork, oh, Bjork...

[00:32:06] Bjork, were you brought by the store?

[00:32:08] Or were you created from butter and cork?

[00:32:12] I love you so much that I act like a dork.

[00:32:16] Oh, Bjork, oh, Bjork, oh, Bjork...

[00:32:20] Oh, Bjork, oh, Bjork, were you brought by the stork?

[00:32:23] Oh, were you created from butter and cork?

[00:32:25] I love you so much that I act like a dork.

[00:32:28] Oh, Bjork, oh, Bjork, oh, Bjork, repeat until insane.

[00:32:32] So apparently they did.

[00:32:33] See, that kind of writing and that kind of singing also makes me think Mystery Science Theater.

[00:32:37] It is very MST3K.

[00:32:39] And there's so much happening on this website.

[00:32:42] To go through it all would just be insanity.

[00:32:45] But I'm trying to find...

[00:32:47] There it is.

[00:32:47] The Complete and Utter Idiot's Guide to Making a Bologna Sandwich.

[00:32:54] David Nielsen here writing,

[00:32:56] Hello!

[00:32:57] And welcome to the Complete and Utter Idiot's Guide to Making a Bologna and Cheese Sandwich.

[00:33:01] Ready for lunch?

[00:33:02] Good, let's begin!

[00:33:03] We're going to start our journey by assuming that you already possess each of the individual items you'll be needing to make this sandwich.

[00:33:09] It's a bit of a stretch, I know, but Lord knows we don't have time to take you shopping.

[00:33:13] So that said, the first thing you're going to need is a place to make your sandwich.

[00:33:17] My suggestion would be a plate.

[00:33:19] So reach into your cupboard and grab a plate.

[00:33:21] Any will do.

[00:33:22] No, that's a bowl.

[00:33:24] Plates are flat.

[00:33:24] Right, yes, that's flat, but it's a cutting board.

[00:33:27] Plates are going to be round.

[00:33:29] Yes, the bowl is round, but it's not flat, is it?

[00:33:32] Just...

[00:33:33] Christ, forget it.

[00:33:34] Grab that cutting board you had in your hands.

[00:33:35] Perfect, put it down.

[00:33:36] And it just goes from...

[00:33:37] I mean, just step by step.

[00:33:39] Your refrigerator, big thing in your kitchen.

[00:33:41] Stores food.

[00:33:41] Yes, and beer too.

[00:33:42] That's the one.

[00:33:43] It's just...

[00:33:45] Sharp ass writing is what I'm saying.

[00:33:47] Truly something else.

[00:33:49] Things you can make out of snow.

[00:33:51] New He-Man characters.

[00:33:53] Let's see here.

[00:33:54] Boy Scout merit badges.

[00:33:55] The one for space exploration of the Boy Scout merit badges.

[00:33:59] Talk about pipe dreams.

[00:34:01] At least a young scout can hold a reasonable hope of carving a wooden duck, playing taps,

[00:34:06] or participating in an auto worker strike, but the chances of actually putting this knowledge

[00:34:10] to work are pretty slim, unless you count pointing out inconsistencies in Apollo 13.

[00:34:16] On the other hand, if my choices are between building a model rocket for this badge, or comparing double-knit fabric to industrial-grade woven fabric for the textiles badge, I'm all over that plastic nose cone action.

[00:34:29] Sharp, baby.

[00:34:31] Writing.

[00:34:31] I love it.

[00:34:33] Laura Sewardberg.

[00:34:34] Laura Sewardberg.

[00:34:34] So, I've always wondered...

[00:34:37] I read this site religiously when it was out.

[00:34:39] You know, I was all of, what, 17?

[00:34:41] You know?

[00:34:42] And I kind of fell off.

[00:34:44] I think maybe about 2000 is when I stopped reading this website in particular.

[00:34:48] Because again, they got so much content every day.

[00:34:51] There's something else.

[00:34:52] And I stopped reading.

[00:34:55] And now that I'm thinking about this website again, I was like, well, what are these guys doing?

[00:35:00] Surely something good, right?

[00:35:03] Right.

[00:35:04] Well...

[00:35:05] Well, first, during that period of time that the website was active, Laura Sewardberg did write a book called The Book of Ratings, Opinions, Grades, and Assessments of Everything Worth Thinking About.

[00:35:18] And his bio reads, Laura Fitzgerald Sewardberg lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.

[00:35:24] His hobbits include doubt, ennui, angst, regret, uncertainty, resignation, and puppetry.

[00:35:33] And it is literally some of the best parts of the site, which were reviews of things and giving them A grades or B grades, which I always thought really influenced Annie Daly and the show Review.

[00:35:45] Have you seen that show?

[00:35:47] I'm familiar, yeah.

[00:35:48] Okay, so yeah.

[00:35:48] Getting a Divorce.

[00:35:50] One star.

[00:35:51] Well, it feels like it comes straight from this ratings book, the book of ratings.

[00:35:55] He got hired by Wired in 2006 to write alt.text and read his written work aloud on the Wired News podcast.

[00:36:07] He did capsule ratings as part of alt.text on Wired.com.

[00:36:11] Got canned by Wired in 2008, which is a damn shame.

[00:36:16] Another blog that he started called the Slumbering Lugfish, Jabbok Hotel, and All Night Boulangerie.

[00:36:24] That's an amazing title for anything.

[00:36:26] I worked with the evil URL, which was the functional parody of tiny URL.

[00:36:33] So, but keep it busy, right?

[00:36:35] All right.

[00:36:35] And here is an interview from the year 2007.

[00:36:39] And he says,

[00:37:12] How many submissions?

[00:37:26] How many submissions does Brunching get a month on average?

[00:37:29] We don't read submissions anymore.

[00:37:32] We get a few.

[00:37:33] We get a few.

[00:37:33] I don't actually read them.

[00:37:34] So, I don't know how many there are.

[00:37:36] I'm not trying to be callous, but going through submissions takes more time and effort than actually writing original material.

[00:37:41] And if I'm not going to use outside material, it's best not to read it.

[00:37:44] So, yes, most of the content was two guys.

[00:37:47] And it was a lot.

[00:37:48] Yeah.

[00:37:49] The other fella involved in the website, David Nielsen, has gone on to do an astounding number of things in terms of writing.

[00:37:57] He's written a series of silly stories for kids, including the Legends of Sleepy Hollow book, original Tales of Terror, Beyond the Doors, which my kids have read.

[00:38:09] Wow.

[00:38:10] Dr. Fell in the Playground of Doom, The Inappropriate Adventures of Horace Whitley, Lillian Lovecraft, and the Harmless Horrors.

[00:38:19] All sorts of just fun stuff.

[00:38:22] He's written middle grade and elementary age books for a number of publishers, including Heinemann's Phonis, Pinel Program, and Scholastic.

[00:38:29] But he also is a voiceover actor and storyteller.

[00:38:32] So he does a 45-minute one-man show about the life and trials of British major John Andre during the American Revolution.

[00:38:42] He also does performances of Washington Irving's Legend of Sleepy Hollow, stories of H.P. Lovecraft, and various others.

[00:38:51] So it's really fun.

[00:38:53] He's really branched down into some interesting stuff.

[00:38:55] I always like this idea of, okay, I did all this writing comedy-wise, but I'm just going to dig into horror or old stuff.

[00:39:04] It's nice to see that these two fellows who did so much for the web content world just continuing to work and doing things that are interesting.

[00:39:12] That's nice.

[00:39:13] Yeah.

[00:39:14] It's really neat to see internet weirdos and OGs, not unlike friend of the show, K-Thor Jensen, keep moving forward, keep doing shit.

[00:39:26] It's always a bummer when it's like, oh, someone did a website 20 years ago, and they just kind of fade into obscurity.

[00:39:32] Yeah, it's kind of painful that way.

[00:39:34] You're just like, oh, that was it, huh?

[00:39:37] Mm-hmm.

[00:39:37] It's a real shame.

[00:39:38] We've covered a couple of these sites that have these kind of success stories before.

[00:39:42] We did Old Man Murray, where Chad Falsick has moved on to work with Valve and all that stuff.

[00:39:49] I always find that like, yeah, we started from nothing, and now we've kind of made it in for ourselves, and we're just doing it.

[00:39:54] That, to me, is just fun.

[00:39:56] I love to see it.

[00:39:57] Brunching Shuttlecocks, if you got a chance, the website is still up, so you can go through all the old articles and just read them to your heart's content.

[00:40:04] I'm going to leave you with one last thing from it.

[00:40:08] Again, Loris Joberg performing a parody song about the Indigo Girls called Your Roommate Plays the Indigo Girls.

[00:40:15] And what got me thinking about this website was a post on Blue Sky.

[00:40:20] At cooner.art, Toon Raccoon, hosted.

[00:40:24] Ah, someone preserved it.

[00:40:25] I'm trying to tell you something about...

[00:40:27] Wait, no.

[00:40:28] Alright, hold on.

[00:40:29] I'm trying to tell you something about my life.

[00:40:33] I'm trying to tell you...

[00:40:35] Alright, hold on.

[00:40:37] Well, I went to the doctor, and I went to the mountains.

[00:40:42] Alright, hold on.

[00:40:43] Closer, I am defined.

[00:40:47] Okay.

[00:40:48] Alright, hold on.

[00:40:49] Okay.

[00:40:49] Closer, I am defined.

[00:40:56] Someone starting and stopping trying to play Closer to Fine.

[00:41:01] For 14 minutes.

[00:41:04] That's amazing.

[00:41:05] Yeah, you can skip anywhere in this video and it's going to...

[00:41:08] Wait, no, hold on.

[00:41:09] Let me...

[00:41:09] I got it.

[00:41:10] I got it.

[00:41:12] And that, I think, should be one of the lasting impacts of the site.

[00:41:17] Probably won't be.

[00:41:18] It'll probably be some fucking Harry Potter shit.

[00:41:20] But anyway.

[00:41:21] They were also, by the way, a very furry-friendly site.

[00:41:24] They had the Java programmers are the erotic furries of programming article from 2006.

[00:41:30] Brunching Shuttlecocks.

[00:41:31] We love to see it, folks.

[00:41:32] Folks, we love to see it.

[00:41:34] When the site was kind of brought back up, Metafilter gave it this little review here.

[00:41:43] Yeah, Loris Jolberg was my favorite web funny guy of all time.

[00:41:47] Back in college, we'd refresh Brunching Shuttlecocks in the hopes of finding some new bit of internet joy.

[00:41:52] Let's take a moment to examine the giant shipwrecking bulk that lies within just beneath the surface of the showberg.

[00:41:59] I'll post that in the show description so you can enjoy that article because it does link to some of the best ones.

[00:42:04] Well, ain't that nice?

[00:42:06] Well, Jason, it's time to do something gross.

[00:42:08] Yes, indeed.

[00:42:09] Shock.jpg.

[00:42:12] And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.

[00:42:17] Shock.jpg.

[00:42:19] What do we got today?

[00:42:20] This one's called Cockknot, Brian.

[00:42:21] Oh, jeez, cool.

[00:42:22] I wonder what's going on here.

[00:42:24] Cockknot.com.

[00:42:25] Cockknot.com for all your Cockknot needs.

[00:42:28] Oh, yeah.

[00:42:29] It does what it says on the box.

[00:42:32] Oh, black background, white text, a long-ass cock tied in a neat bow.

[00:42:38] And sure enough, immediately below it, there is a gentleman, a ginger, I believe, based on the pubic hair there.

[00:42:44] I don't know.

[00:42:45] Maybe just a blonde?

[00:42:47] I can't really tell.

[00:42:48] But yes, a big hog tied in a knot around his balls.

[00:42:53] Yeah.

[00:42:54] So it's got this.

[00:42:57] Uncut, too.

[00:42:58] It's just.

[00:42:59] He's got the turtleneck.

[00:43:00] He does indeed.

[00:43:00] A little ant ear going on here.

[00:43:01] And he's out in a field somewhere.

[00:43:04] Now, I want to think of some guy who has a farm or lives on a farm.

[00:43:09] He's like, I'm just going to show off and walk out of my property.

[00:43:12] But the funnier one is I drove out 20 miles outside of town to get this photo in a field so no one can figure out where I live.

[00:43:21] It sets the tripod up at waist level.

[00:43:24] You know, starts working himself into a knot, literally.

[00:43:28] Cockknot.com.

[00:43:29] Beautiful thing.

[00:43:31] It looks like raw bacon stretched it this way.

[00:43:35] Wrapped around.

[00:43:37] Like a hors d'oeuvre?

[00:43:38] Yeah, yeah.

[00:43:39] Pigs in a blanket.

[00:43:40] Pigs in a blanket.

[00:43:41] Yes, thank you.

[00:43:42] I couldn't think of the word.

[00:43:42] Hog in a blanket.

[00:43:44] But yeah, so this one I found, there was a website that was just called Shock Sites List.

[00:43:51] But it's so old that it itself was down.

[00:43:54] So I had to like go to the web archive for Shock Sites List and then go to the ones where it's like pictures of dicks.

[00:44:00] I'm like, okay, okay.

[00:44:01] Click on that category.

[00:44:03] Three links deep was cockknot.com.

[00:44:07] Oh, boy.

[00:44:07] You know, it's really unassuming.

[00:44:10] There's nothing to it.

[00:44:11] It's literally what...

[00:44:12] It really does what it says on the tin.

[00:44:14] It really is.

[00:44:15] There's no question about what you're looking at.

[00:44:17] There's no...

[00:44:17] You know, this is it.

[00:44:18] And it's not even all that gross.

[00:44:20] It's just like, whoa, okay.

[00:44:21] I guess a guy did that.

[00:44:22] I guess that dude did that to his dick.

[00:44:24] I guess this is the thing that happened.

[00:44:25] Yeah.

[00:44:26] It's probably the shortest Shock.jpg we've had because again...

[00:44:29] In a minute at least.

[00:44:30] Usually it's...

[00:44:32] I guess, you know, if you really want caught in the olive oil, we can pull up that Lin-Aloff cock video.

[00:44:38] No.

[00:44:38] I mean, maybe later, but you know.

[00:44:43] I felt bad enough watching it by myself.

[00:44:45] I don't know how I would feel watching it with someone else.

[00:44:50] Seeing that particular one, and if you know, you know.

[00:44:53] If you don't...

[00:44:54] Don't look.

[00:44:55] Yeah, don't bother.

[00:44:55] Don't.

[00:44:56] Like, you really...

[00:44:57] It's fine.

[00:44:59] But there's a whole Britney Spears angle to it that I was like, okay, all right.

[00:45:05] I guess this is what we're doing.

[00:45:07] I don't know, man.

[00:45:08] It's such a strange thing.

[00:45:10] And it goes on for fucking ever.

[00:45:12] It's like 40 minutes long.

[00:45:13] Anyway.

[00:45:14] Very long video.

[00:45:16] I'm just saying, if someone pisses on my face, I ought to get the McDonald's I want.

[00:45:20] Honestly?

[00:45:20] Yeah.

[00:45:21] I don't care who's paying for it.

[00:45:22] You piss on me.

[00:45:23] I'm getting...

[00:45:24] I want my fucking double cheeseburger.

[00:45:25] I'm getting the double quarter pounder after that.

[00:45:27] Jesus Christ.

[00:45:28] Anyway.

[00:45:30] Just like Coco Lovecock, we are going to need a breath mint.

[00:45:34] That's right.

[00:45:34] This is a breath mint.

[00:45:37] It's time for your mom's favorite part of the show.

[00:45:40] It's time for the breath mint.

[00:45:43] Jesus Christ.

[00:45:46] Oh.

[00:45:46] Woo.

[00:45:47] Oh, God.

[00:45:49] Oh, God.

[00:45:51] Oh, boy.

[00:45:53] Oh.

[00:45:54] Oh, this is like the reason why there's someone I work with that has the Casey Green dog,

[00:46:02] this is fine sticker on their wire ball.

[00:46:05] And I always want to be like, oh, I know Casey.

[00:46:07] Yeah.

[00:46:08] I don't want to ever explain how or why I know him.

[00:46:11] I showed him a picture of three soccer players fucking each other.

[00:46:14] Yeah.

[00:46:17] Which, if you haven't heard, that is an older episode of ours.

[00:46:20] Go look it up.

[00:46:20] The search featuring Casey Green.

[00:46:22] It's the second one.

[00:46:23] But, yeah.

[00:46:26] What was the other one we showed him?

[00:46:28] Because he showed him something else that was nasty.

[00:46:29] It was like a guy covered in shit or something.

[00:46:33] I don't know.

[00:46:33] I can't remember.

[00:46:34] It was explicit.

[00:46:35] And he took it in stride.

[00:46:37] I mean, Casey's been around a long time.

[00:46:39] And he's the one posting comics about a parent showing their child rotten.com.

[00:46:45] Right.

[00:46:45] So, I mean, he knows what's up.

[00:46:47] Why did we show K-Thor Jensen?

[00:46:50] Oh, God.

[00:46:51] I don't know.

[00:46:53] Sometimes I think about what we've shown people.

[00:46:55] I'm like, I'm really ashamed that I did this, actually.

[00:46:58] You know what?

[00:46:58] I still think the funniest one is probably still Drew Tooth.

[00:47:01] Oh, they're gay.

[00:47:02] That's why it's funny.

[00:47:03] Yeah.

[00:47:03] Yeah.

[00:47:04] Thanks, Drew.

[00:47:05] Yes, Drew.

[00:47:05] Yes.

[00:47:06] You've cracked the code, my man.

[00:47:08] All right.

[00:47:08] Cool.

[00:47:08] Yeah.

[00:47:09] It's always funny because they're gay.

[00:47:11] It's funny because it's weird.

[00:47:13] And why are we looking at this?

[00:47:14] Yeah.

[00:47:15] Why are you like this?

[00:47:16] Yeah.

[00:47:18] I've been asking myself that a while.

[00:47:19] A long time.

[00:47:20] Did we show a gross thing to Thoth Slime?

[00:47:23] Yes.

[00:47:24] What did we show him?

[00:47:25] I don't even remember.

[00:47:27] I've seen so much gross shit on this show, I don't even know.

[00:47:29] That feels like, I feel like it feels more transgressive than showing something explicit

[00:47:34] to Drew Toothpaste.

[00:47:35] That's fair.

[00:47:37] And that was like, what, like our fifth episode?

[00:47:38] God, yeah, it was early on.

[00:47:40] God.

[00:47:41] Yeah.

[00:47:41] We were young pups.

[00:47:42] Yeah, just...

[00:47:43] We didn't know nothing.

[00:47:44] That aside, I think it's time for the breath of...

[00:47:47] So, do you want to start it?

[00:47:49] You got something going?

[00:47:50] Yeah.

[00:47:51] I got one that, something you had spoken about, you know, in the last couple months and I finally

[00:47:56] have seen it myself.

[00:47:57] So, I have something to say, which is, I saw the TV glow.

[00:48:00] Oh boy, what did you think?

[00:48:02] What an amazing movie up until the ending.

[00:48:05] Which is, I think my number one complaint with movies right now is like, wow, this is so amazing

[00:48:10] and thoughtful and creative and then like, you couldn't stick the landing.

[00:48:14] I had that same problem with Jane Schoenbrown's previous film, We're All Going to the World's Fair.

[00:48:20] Yeah.

[00:48:20] It was engaging, I was in it, and then the ending hit and I went, well, fuck.

[00:48:26] Yeah.

[00:48:27] But I can't discount the rest of the movie because the ending didn't stick.

[00:48:31] 90% of the movie's great and I gotta go with that.

[00:48:33] I gotta just, you know, like make peace with the fact that maybe...

[00:48:36] What a great Conor O'Malley cameo.

[00:48:38] Cameo.

[00:48:39] Fantastic.

[00:48:40] I mean, it's a, I guess it's an allegory for transitioning.

[00:48:43] Mm-hmm.

[00:48:44] Which works.

[00:48:46] I think it works really well as, as that or just like taking chances in life.

[00:48:51] What'd you think of Fred Durst as the abusive father?

[00:48:54] That was fucking weird.

[00:48:55] Great though.

[00:48:56] Yeah.

[00:48:58] It's like, wow, Fred Durst, okay.

[00:49:00] Where have you been?

[00:49:02] This was hiding up your sleeve this whole time, huh?

[00:49:04] That was weird when I realized it was Fred Durst.

[00:49:06] So I'm like, well, he actually, he kind of fucking did all right.

[00:49:09] Yeah.

[00:49:10] I didn't realize that the female lead was from Bill and Ted, the sequel, where they had like

[00:49:18] their daughters, which are basically the key.

[00:49:21] Until you just said it, it didn't dawn on me either.

[00:49:23] Like, yeah.

[00:49:24] Okay.

[00:49:25] The Bill and Ted sequel.

[00:49:27] Face the music.

[00:49:27] Yeah.

[00:49:28] Face the music.

[00:49:28] The best part are the two.

[00:49:31] The daughters.

[00:49:31] Yeah.

[00:49:32] The daughters who are basically like the key stack lesbian comics.

[00:49:37] Yes.

[00:49:38] Yes.

[00:49:38] They are Leslie and Breanne.

[00:49:39] Yes, they are.

[00:49:40] Yeah.

[00:49:41] It's, they're amazing, amazing performance.

[00:49:44] Best part of the movie.

[00:49:44] Yes.

[00:49:45] Yes.

[00:49:45] Yes.

[00:49:46] But she did a great job.

[00:49:47] There's just like a lot of aesthetic choices that feel authentically like mid nineties.

[00:49:55] The fruitopia machine that's.

[00:49:58] The fruitopia machine blew my fucking mind.

[00:50:01] Yeah.

[00:50:02] Just little touches.

[00:50:05] And it didn't feel like they were trying to like, it's the nineties, man.

[00:50:09] Like it's all some, most stuff's very subtle.

[00:50:12] Yeah.

[00:50:13] It's background flavor.

[00:50:15] Yeah.

[00:50:15] Kind of like how in it follows the Detroit suburbs.

[00:50:18] Yeah.

[00:50:19] It's like, it could be anywhere, but if you know a little bit, you can kind of get that,

[00:50:22] that flavor, that same kind of feel I thought.

[00:50:24] But I really, really fucking enjoyed that movie up until the ending.

[00:50:29] Yeah.

[00:50:30] And I'm like, oh, this really, this didn't hit.

[00:50:33] And I think, like I said at the time when I first saw it, maybe I'm the wrong audience.

[00:50:37] Maybe for someone who is questioning, someone who is going through the process, maybe this

[00:50:45] is going to hit a little harder for someone who's had that experience.

[00:50:48] Maybe for someone who has that life experience that, that mirrors or echoes.

[00:50:55] Sure.

[00:50:56] What, what this character resonates in a personal level.

[00:50:58] Sure.

[00:50:59] Yeah.

[00:50:59] And I, and so I think maybe the power is not necessarily in what's on screen, but in how

[00:51:03] the audience perceives it.

[00:51:04] I just don't think it lands.

[00:51:06] Everything worked as far as like metaphor up until probably like the last five or 10 minutes.

[00:51:12] Yeah.

[00:51:12] The birthday party.

[00:51:13] And it started to kind of fall apart.

[00:51:14] I'm like, this sucks.

[00:51:15] It was so amazing up until then.

[00:51:18] And the whole thing about like the fake Power Rangers, like, you know, after school TV.

[00:51:23] Buffy.

[00:51:24] I think it was supposed to be Buffy.

[00:51:26] I think it's a little bit, it's supposed to be a little bit Buffy.

[00:51:28] Yeah.

[00:51:29] Because like someone that wasn't in Buffy is in the movie.

[00:51:32] That's true.

[00:51:32] Yeah.

[00:51:33] It's supposed to be a little Buffy.

[00:51:34] It's supposed to be a little bit of Power Rangers.

[00:51:36] It's supposed to be that after school, you know, plays at 430 on the Fox and the local

[00:51:42] Fox affiliate.

[00:51:44] Cheap.

[00:51:44] There's just so much I liked about it.

[00:51:46] Yeah.

[00:51:47] It was so interesting and thoughtful and weird.

[00:51:51] Yes.

[00:51:52] And I think if you want to take it as a metaphor about transitioning, I think that works really

[00:51:59] well.

[00:51:59] I also think it works really well as a metaphor for like, like doing shit.

[00:52:03] Yeah.

[00:52:04] Like taking a chance in life.

[00:52:06] And the soundtrack was really cool.

[00:52:08] There's just so many cool things about it.

[00:52:10] I just don't think the ending played off.

[00:52:12] No.

[00:52:13] It's a fucking town out of town movie until you get to that last scene.

[00:52:17] That happens sometimes, especially French movies do that with me a lot.

[00:52:20] I don't know if I told you about High Tension, but like the last five minutes of that movie

[00:52:25] tanked it for me.

[00:52:26] So I'm like, so I just say, well, okay, watch it up until the last five minutes and just

[00:52:29] turn it over.

[00:52:30] Sure.

[00:52:30] I just, I was just bummed.

[00:52:31] I was just bummed that it couldn't stick to landing.

[00:52:34] Yeah.

[00:52:34] But long time listeners of this podcast know that's like pretty much my main complaint

[00:52:39] with my movies is like, everything is great except the ending.

[00:52:42] The ending sucks shit.

[00:52:43] I, uh, late night with the devil.

[00:52:45] I don't know.

[00:52:46] I like that ending.

[00:52:47] But again, that's where you and I differ on a lot of things.

[00:52:49] So, you know, sometimes I'm like, oh, that's, that's fine.

[00:52:51] It's fine.

[00:52:52] Not it was good, but it was fine.

[00:52:54] It could have been better.

[00:52:56] Well, a lot.

[00:52:56] Of course.

[00:52:57] A lot of things could be better.

[00:52:58] They could have not used AI in the movie.

[00:52:59] I feel like with that movie, it kind of fell apart near the end.

[00:53:02] Like, ah, shit, you guys may be paying yourself into a corner.

[00:53:04] Or maybe you should have just like done another pass at that third act.

[00:53:09] Entirely possible.

[00:53:10] It's worth watching.

[00:53:12] It does a lot of really interesting stuff.

[00:53:13] There's a lot of great performances.

[00:53:15] Again, Connor O'Malley's in it for like three minutes.

[00:53:18] But what an amazing three minutes.

[00:53:20] He steals the show.

[00:53:21] Hey!

[00:53:22] He's like what I was doing with Mallory.

[00:53:26] She was saying how cool.

[00:53:27] But like, it's such a perfect, like weird, older shithead thing.

[00:53:32] Like your first job.

[00:53:33] Oh, yeah.

[00:53:33] Like the guy who's 22.

[00:53:35] Right.

[00:53:35] Would say to you.

[00:53:36] He has some shit that just goes down.

[00:53:40] Not just that, but like everything I've seen him in recently.

[00:53:43] I was telling you about Detroiters.

[00:53:44] He released an hour long short film found footage movie about him being an amateur rapper in the early 2000s.

[00:53:54] He's just, he nails a specific time and a place kind of vibe.

[00:53:57] There was that one where he came out, like the mask, where he was like trying.

[00:54:01] As the already established writer and comedian went to LA and was trying to like make it.

[00:54:08] Yes.

[00:54:09] I only got like 20 minutes in.

[00:54:11] I'm like, this is, this is too meta.

[00:54:13] Corey's where a guy named Corey sees another guy with his same face named Corey kills him and takes his power and goes to LA and like walks around in this awful fucking Robert Zadar looking mask of his own face.

[00:54:29] And I'm like, yeah, all guys need to be named Corey and we're going to.

[00:54:35] He knows the intersection of comedy and horror very well.

[00:54:39] And I think some moments in I saw the TV glow also have that.

[00:54:43] There's these moments where you're like, am I supposed to be laughing or am I supposed to be pissing my pants scared?

[00:54:46] I could go either way.

[00:54:48] Yeah.

[00:54:48] Comedy and horror.

[00:54:49] Strange bedfellows.

[00:54:50] And I love it.

[00:54:50] Again, some really great set dressing, some really great performances on that movie.

[00:54:56] It really fucking had me the whole way through.

[00:55:00] It feels like a singular piece of artwork.

[00:55:02] True that.

[00:55:03] Well, speaking of endings.

[00:55:04] You know, it's like, God damn it.

[00:55:06] Why can't every movie have a perfect ending like fucking Dawn of the Dead?

[00:55:10] I know, right?

[00:55:11] If only.

[00:55:13] Actually, every movie should have the ending of Dawn of the Dead.

[00:55:16] That's just every movie.

[00:55:17] No matter if there were ever zombies involved in it.

[00:55:19] Anyway, endings got me thinking a show that I started purely on a whim based on some mutual friends that are part of the podcast.

[00:55:29] Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Pals where I play Stephen King.

[00:55:32] They talked about a TV show that Hulu made where it was they jammed a bunch of Stephen King stories together and made a TV show out of it called Castle Rock.

[00:55:43] Have you heard of this?

[00:55:45] Are you familiar with this?

[00:55:46] I have heard of this, yeah.

[00:55:47] An interesting idea happening.

[00:55:49] So, season one.

[00:55:51] It's supposed to be an anthology series, but it got canceled after season two.

[00:55:54] So, sadly, there are really only two stories within the Castle Rock extended universe.

[00:55:59] Season one, I cannot recommend to anyone.

[00:56:02] Not because it's not good.

[00:56:04] Just because it's a little out there.

[00:56:07] I will say this.

[00:56:08] You got Terry O'Quinn, whom I love.

[00:56:11] Not only from Lost and everything else he's been in, but also, I realize this now.

[00:56:17] I had already seen this movie many, many years ago.

[00:56:19] I had forgotten that it was him.

[00:56:20] He's the lead in the Stepfather horror movie.

[00:56:24] Oh, okay.

[00:56:25] Well, in this, he's the warden of Shawshank Prison who discovers the devil lives in Castle Rock and he's going to keep the devil in jail.

[00:56:35] But the show opens after his suicide, which means that he only appears briefly in the show, flashbacks, whatever, which is a damn shame.

[00:56:43] Terry O'Quinn rules, the devil calls for his lawyer.

[00:56:47] There's all these little intersections.

[00:56:49] Alan Pangborn, the former sheriff from other Stephen King stories like Needful Things and a couple other ones, shows up as a character in it.

[00:56:58] There's a lot of stuff that alludes to Stephen King stories.

[00:57:01] Like there's a bit where the lawyer character is going through Pangborn's newspaper clippings.

[00:57:09] And it's killer dog attacks town.

[00:57:12] Okay, Cujo.

[00:57:13] You know, fire burns down this.

[00:57:15] But okay, that was Needful Things.

[00:57:16] You know, like, okay, that's references.

[00:57:18] That doesn't, you're not building a show out of Stephen King stuff.

[00:57:21] It's just, this is Castle Rock and here's a place.

[00:57:24] Here's Shawshank Prison.

[00:57:25] Sure.

[00:57:26] You know, it doesn't really cohes into anything other than a story that wants to tell itself, which is fine.

[00:57:33] I just feel like, well, what are we doing here?

[00:57:35] But I did start the second season, which centers on Lizzie Kaplan as Annie Wilkes from Misery, the Kathy Bates character.

[00:57:45] Right.

[00:57:45] Lizzie Kaplan doing a bang up impression of the Kathy Bates character, but also turning it a little bit fantastic.

[00:57:53] You got Tim Robbins in the second season as the town mafia boss Pops Merrill, who is also featured in a number of Stephen King books, most notably Salem's Lot.

[00:58:05] And so, and then also part of the conflict of this season does involve Jerusalem's Lot, which is called Salem's Lot by the residents.

[00:58:14] So far, no vampires though.

[00:58:15] So we'll see.

[00:58:16] But, because that was the big thing in Salem's Lot.

[00:58:19] It wants to go there because there's a character named Jackie Torrance.

[00:58:24] Hmm.

[00:58:24] And she does kill someone with an axe, but then she disappears at the end of season one to go back out west, you know, got some family business to attend to.

[00:58:39] Oh, geez.

[00:58:40] But nothing comes of it.

[00:58:41] It's just that one line dropped in a post-credits sequence.

[00:58:47] Baffling.

[00:58:47] It's a series of baffling decisions.

[00:58:49] Why do you get, you know, Terry O'Quinn and then just have his character die right away?

[00:58:54] Or why do you get Sissy Spacek in an amazing role and she's in maybe four episodes of ten?

[00:59:01] You know, it's just any number of things.

[00:59:04] You go, what the fuck is, why?

[00:59:06] Why are we doing this?

[00:59:07] When season two hits, you get a little bit more.

[00:59:10] Like, okay, Lizzie Kaplan's in every episode.

[00:59:13] Tim Robbins is on every episode.

[00:59:15] Okay, we've got, we're cooking.

[00:59:16] It wasn't cooking enough for Hulu to renew it for a third season.

[00:59:19] So, sadly, this is it.

[00:59:21] I'm halfway through the second season and I'm already like, well, all right, no vampires.

[00:59:25] You know, I'm kind of like, okay, well, we haven't done, you know.

[00:59:28] Right.

[00:59:28] We haven't done anything about Firestarter.

[00:59:30] We're missing out on a killer car.

[00:59:32] Like, if we're doing Stephen King shit, let's go nuts.

[00:59:36] No cowboys are showing up.

[00:59:37] No men in black, you know.

[00:59:39] So, I don't know.

[00:59:41] No regulators, yeah.

[00:59:41] No regulators, no dome coming over the town.

[00:59:44] That was another one where they wasted some casting.

[00:59:47] Dean Norris as the bad guy?

[00:59:49] I don't know.

[00:59:50] I don't buy it.

[00:59:51] Special Agent Hank Schrader.

[00:59:53] I'm telling you, man.

[00:59:54] Porn GIFs.

[00:59:57] Oh, that's right.

[00:59:59] Porn GIFs.

[01:00:00] Did he ever, did he leave that post up?

[01:00:02] That's what I would have done.

[01:00:03] I think he left it up.

[01:00:03] Okay.

[01:00:04] Good sense of humor.

[01:00:05] Because he's also the one, he goes on Cameo and will just respond to anybody like,

[01:00:10] you're a sussy baka and you're gooning over there.

[01:00:15] And you're.

[01:00:17] Just doing the whole Hank Schrader thing.

[01:00:19] The same voice.

[01:00:20] Yeah.

[01:00:20] Oh, it's beautiful.

[01:00:21] Because he's like a comedic actor that just decides to do serious roles.

[01:00:24] Well, it's like Bob Odenkirk.

[01:00:26] He just kind of happened into it.

[01:00:27] Yeah.

[01:00:27] Because he's like, has a pretty serious role.

[01:00:29] I mean, he's only in Starship Troopers for like three minutes.

[01:00:32] Yes.

[01:00:33] But again, that movie is so tonally all over the place.

[01:00:37] Who knows if that was supposed to be funny or like.

[01:00:39] Who knows?

[01:00:40] Paul Verhoeven is a land of contrast.

[01:00:45] The other thing that was really funny and really short that I just wanted to share with

[01:00:48] you is a small game from a British gaming company.

[01:00:52] One of the people behind Untitled Goose Game.

[01:00:55] Oh.

[01:00:55] Came out with another kind of adventure game and it's called Thank Goodness You're Here.

[01:01:00] Have you heard about this?

[01:01:01] Yeah.

[01:01:02] Heard love.

[01:01:03] Good hype.

[01:01:04] Well, let me say this.

[01:01:06] It is a short game.

[01:01:07] So you got to be aware of that if you're going to go out and buy it because they're currently

[01:01:11] asking 20 bucks on Steam.

[01:01:13] Now, however, it is extremely funny and very, very British.

[01:01:17] Panic is the publisher, British studio, Coal Supper.

[01:01:22] And yeah, this town in Northern England has you come in as someone from the government

[01:01:28] to help them out.

[01:01:29] But then everyone kind of just latches on to you.

[01:01:33] You've got a cadre of British, Irish and other UK voice actors.

[01:01:39] Just amazing stuff.

[01:01:42] Let's see here.

[01:01:43] Matt Berry, John Blythe, M Hubel, David Ferguson, Peter Sutton, Jack Evans, James Carver and Will Todd.

[01:01:50] If you know any of those names, you know your British comedy.

[01:01:53] But most people, of course, will know Matt Berry from what we do in the shadows.

[01:01:57] It's Jackie Daytona.

[01:01:59] Normal.

[01:02:00] Human bartender.

[01:02:01] Human bartender.

[01:02:03] And boy, just it's a hoot.

[01:02:06] It's short, but it is really funny.

[01:02:09] Really perverse, too.

[01:02:11] There's a number of riffs.

[01:02:14] And I know Billy Connolly isn't in it, but there's a guy who sounds like Billy Connolly.

[01:02:18] One of these fellas sounds exactly like Billy Connolly, if you've ever heard the stand-up comedian.

[01:02:22] He's the local fix-it man who goes around to fix all the people's broken things, right?

[01:02:27] And he's fixing the woman who runs the chip shop's fryer.

[01:02:32] That's well and fixed, dear.

[01:02:33] She goes, well, I don't have any money in the till.

[01:02:35] Oh, not that again.

[01:02:37] I smelt like fish for a week.

[01:02:39] You know?

[01:02:43] That type of humor, you know?

[01:02:45] Just really great stuff.

[01:02:47] And if you've ever, you know, immersed yourself in a really bizarre BBC comedy,

[01:02:53] you'll kind of get a kick out of some of these in-jokes.

[01:02:55] Oh, Doodle's War?

[01:02:56] Yeah.

[01:02:57] Blackadder, you know, one of those.

[01:03:01] Father Ted, you know, Are You Being Served?

[01:03:03] It's that sense of humor.

[01:03:05] And it's very dry and very funny.

[01:03:08] And it also kind of pokes fun at itself,

[01:03:10] because there's even a bit of background graffiti of a guy

[01:03:13] pissing on a sign that says Ludo Narrative Dissonance.

[01:03:17] They're well aware, poking fun at themselves and at gaming.

[01:03:20] And it just, it's a hoot.

[01:03:22] Wait for sale.

[01:03:23] We're going to have the winter sale coming up soon on Steam,

[01:03:26] so don't buy it yet.

[01:03:27] But, you know, hang tight.

[01:03:29] You know, if you can get it for $15,

[01:03:32] it'd probably be a good value.

[01:03:34] Yeah.

[01:03:34] And it's on all the different platforms, too.

[01:03:36] If you're not a PC player, you got it on the PS4 or the PS Play.

[01:03:38] You can play on Switch.

[01:03:39] You can, absolutely.

[01:03:40] You can get it on the, and Mac.

[01:03:43] PlayStation, but no Xbox.

[01:03:45] But yes, just like in Far Cry 4,

[01:03:49] you can sit in the opening area for 15 real-world minutes

[01:03:54] and have the game end right away,

[01:03:56] if you just wait for the mayor to be done with this meeting.

[01:04:00] I don't know, did you know this in Far Cry 4?

[01:04:02] Oh, yeah, I know that.

[01:04:03] Yeah, Ming Ping or whatever his name is.

[01:04:05] It's like, oh, thank you for waiting.

[01:04:06] Pagan Min.

[01:04:07] Yes.

[01:04:08] And like, yeah, we'll take you to,

[01:04:10] because like the whole thing at the end of the game

[01:04:12] is literally like right by the palace or whatever you're in.

[01:04:15] He's like, yeah, I'll take you there.

[01:04:16] You get on a helicopter, and he's like,

[01:04:18] yeah, how about we blow some shit up?

[01:04:19] Panic, Inc.

[01:04:21] They did Untitled Goose Game and, oh, yeah, Firewatch.

[01:04:25] If you've never played Firewatch, that's where they're too.

[01:04:26] Firewatch is supposed to be really good.

[01:04:27] So you should probably play all three of those games.

[01:04:29] Oh, absolutely.

[01:04:30] Kill yourself.

[01:04:31] In the meantime, have fun, I guess.

[01:04:33] How about yourself?

[01:04:34] Anything going on?

[01:04:35] I got to see Pokey Lafarge.

[01:04:37] Pokey Lafarge.

[01:04:38] Stop the presses.

[01:04:40] St. Louis boy done good.

[01:04:41] Stop the presses.

[01:04:42] Yeah?

[01:04:43] I got myself a phosphate soda down there at Del Mar Hall.

[01:04:47] Wowza.

[01:04:48] Saw myself some old-timey guitar music.

[01:04:51] Wowie zowie.

[01:04:52] Yeah.

[01:04:54] What you know, what's funny is I heard him on the way home today.

[01:04:57] Yeah.

[01:04:57] I heard Riot in the Streets.

[01:04:59] I hadn't listened to that song since it came out.

[01:05:01] I'm like, boy, this is kind of cringe, bro.

[01:05:03] I don't know why.

[01:05:04] Was that his Ferguson song?

[01:05:06] That was his Ferguson song, yeah.

[01:05:07] Oh, yeah.

[01:05:07] I'm sure it's cringe as fuck.

[01:05:09] It's fine.

[01:05:09] It's just a bit on the nose, you know?

[01:05:12] But seeing him live apparently was impressive.

[01:05:14] Yeah, I was pretty impressed.

[01:05:16] So I met Mr. Lafarge several times over the years.

[01:05:20] So Pokey Lafarge, for those who don't know, is a St. Louis boy who now lives out in the

[01:05:26] East Coast.

[01:05:27] Like you do.

[01:05:28] Like you do.

[01:05:29] And he plays old-timey guitar music.

[01:05:34] I don't have the reference.

[01:05:35] It's kind of like folk roots, rock blues stuff.

[01:05:39] Yeah, I mean, he was featured on the Outlaw Country channel, which I was like, okay, kind

[01:05:43] of weird.

[01:05:43] But yeah, I mean, like early...

[01:05:45] Roots music.

[01:05:46] Roots music.

[01:05:47] Yeah, yeah.

[01:05:48] Stuff like the T-Bone Burnett style.

[01:05:50] Yeah, yeah.

[01:05:51] And I always found his persona to be a little hokey.

[01:05:54] Yeah, he was always the Prairie Home Companion of musicians.

[01:05:58] Yeah, and myself and local musician Matt Picker.

[01:06:04] Oh, gosh.

[01:06:04] Made lots of riffs at his expense.

[01:06:06] Oh, my goodness.

[01:06:07] Well, and myself as well.

[01:06:08] I've spared him no expense either, yeah.

[01:06:10] Yeah, and I hate the persona on a couple different levels.

[01:06:14] However, he seems to have reigned it in quite a bit over the last couple of years.

[01:06:18] Well, that's nice.

[01:06:19] It's a little less out there.

[01:06:23] It's a little bit more grounded.

[01:06:24] It's more of a showman thing than like trying to be a facsimile of a bygone era.

[01:06:31] Which is good, yes.

[01:06:33] Yeah, like he's still got the look and the music.

[01:06:36] Like he's always been a good writer.

[01:06:38] Oh, yeah.

[01:06:38] And always performed with really good people.

[01:06:41] You know, his old band, Pocky Lafarge and the South Side 3.

[01:06:45] Again, Pocky Lafarge, the man himself, is a sweetheart.

[01:06:48] He's always been very polite, very professional.

[01:06:50] And that's all I've ever heard about him in the last 14, 15 years.

[01:06:54] The Tim Blake Nelson looking motherfucker.

[01:06:56] That's always I could think of.

[01:06:59] From Buster Scruggs.

[01:07:00] Yeah, if you know who I'm talking about, the singing cowboy for the opening of Buster Scruggs.

[01:07:04] In my mind, that's Pocky Lafarge.

[01:07:06] So for those of you missing the cultural context on Netflix, go watch just the opening 10 minutes or so of The Ballad of Buster Scruggs.

[01:07:12] The singing cowboy and that.

[01:07:14] I always think of Pocky Lafarge when I see that scene or when I think of that type of guy.

[01:07:20] Well, I just need my, you know, just folksy and down home.

[01:07:25] And boy, he just loves to sing.

[01:07:26] Boy, they got some swisho for me.

[01:07:28] I'm posh from painting these here fences.

[01:07:32] But yeah, he like comes out and he's got his hair slicked back and he's got like a nice all black kind of vintage tailored suit with a couple.

[01:07:42] You know, he's got like a like a like a right like some sort of brooch.

[01:07:45] Yeah.

[01:07:46] On his lapel.

[01:07:47] Yeah, I saw that photo that you posted.

[01:07:49] Yeah.

[01:07:49] Yeah.

[01:07:49] And, you know, he's playing.

[01:07:53] Everyone plays a fucking jazz master these days.

[01:07:55] That's my biggest complaint in music.

[01:07:56] It's not the mumblecore rappers.

[01:07:58] It's everyone's got to play an offset fender.

[01:08:01] Yeah.

[01:08:01] With the wonky fucking vibrato system and the weird, the weird complicated switching, the rhythm circuit and the lead circuit.

[01:08:09] How about you just play a fucking guitar?

[01:08:11] Yeah.

[01:08:12] Um, well, I mean, a couple of years ago was everybody plays a telly.

[01:08:16] So, yeah.

[01:08:17] Well, yeah.

[01:08:18] Um, you never know.

[01:08:20] I mean, I say this and like my favorite guitar is an offset telecaster, which is just a jazz master with telecaster controls instead of jazz master controls.

[01:08:29] What is that?

[01:08:29] Switches instead of knobs?

[01:08:31] Well, so you just have like the three position toggle, the tone and the, um, volume knobs.

[01:08:38] You don't have the circuits and all that.

[01:08:41] Okay.

[01:08:42] I'm really getting into the fucking weeds here.

[01:08:43] It has like a, it has a string through body construction.

[01:08:47] It doesn't have vibrato.

[01:08:49] It actually has like a telecaster pickup setup.

[01:08:53] Like it's basically if you slapped a guitar, but it was also a Japanese version that was supposed to be a signature model for some Japanese musician that fell through.

[01:09:04] And so they just like, well, we've got like these 2000 guitars, just like unload half of them on the American market and the rest in Japan.

[01:09:11] And I got one of them as all mahogany body and neck really pretty guitar.

[01:09:16] I love it.

[01:09:17] But I had P90 in the neck telecaster bridge pickup in the bot in the bridge.

[01:09:22] And, um, for those who don't know, uh, Japanese made fender guitars typically have better construction than Mexican guitars, sometimes better construction than American made fenders.

[01:09:32] But the electronics, particularly the pickups usually kind of suck.

[01:09:35] I didn't really like the pickups that were in it.

[01:09:37] So I threw in a Lawler, um, gold foil in the neck and it was a P90 mount version of that.

[01:09:47] And then got a, uh, whatever telecaster pickup.

[01:09:51] Someone recommended to match that.

[01:09:52] And it's a great sound little guitar.

[01:09:54] I just don't play it that often.

[01:09:55] For me, I just wanted to recreate Rick from, uh, hot snakes set up.

[01:10:00] Oh, sure.

[01:10:01] Cause that's what he would do with his telecasters.

[01:10:03] Who wouldn't go foil from a like old harmony or silver one guitar and throw it in the neck position of a telecaster.

[01:10:11] And actually the last time I saw hot snakes, he had one of those guitars and that was like my, I had that on my Facebook page for a while.

[01:10:18] Nice.

[01:10:20] Anyway, anyways, anyways, but Poggy the Farge is playing this very nice custom shop.

[01:10:25] It looked like a custom shop because the neck had, uh, a lot of flame to it.

[01:10:31] The, the headstock was really heavily figured.

[01:10:33] Something like this has to be a custom shop.

[01:10:34] It probably was.

[01:10:35] Yeah.

[01:10:35] About 59 replica.

[01:10:36] And 59 was the first year that Fender made the Jazzmaster.

[01:10:40] I mean, he's on third, man.

[01:10:41] He's got to have some funky guitars, right?

[01:10:43] Sure.

[01:10:44] But the, the whole thing about the 59 Jazzmaster is that I think the only paint job they offered was this like shoreline gold with a gold iodized, uh, pick guard.

[01:10:59] Scratching.

[01:11:00] Oh yeah.

[01:11:00] And I'm going to say, um, I've never seen a guitar compliment outfit so well.

[01:11:06] Like he looked fucking sharp.

[01:11:08] Even though I complain about everyone, everyone has to play a fucking Jazzmaster.

[01:11:11] It doesn't matter if you're playing indie rock.

[01:11:13] It doesn't matter if you're playing the shit that Pokey plays.

[01:11:15] It doesn't matter if you're in fucking Viagra boys.

[01:11:17] Everyone has to play a fucking Jazzmaster.

[01:11:18] It's kind of boring to me.

[01:11:20] Um, despite that, despite that fucking, he looked sharp.

[01:11:24] I brought out the medium format camera for the first time at Del Mar Hall since Swans, which was back in May.

[01:11:31] And the first time I think I brought out the medium format camera, the, uh, photograph of show since Waxahachie a couple months ago.

[01:11:40] And, um, I was like, well, the autofocus is a little funny, but I don't think he's going to be moving around that much.

[01:11:46] And he did move around, but it was enough, just enough for the, the, the, the autofocus didn't lose him.

[01:11:53] Um, and so I got some stuff I'm really happy with.

[01:11:55] I'm just so fucking busy trying to find time for everything, but the photos I have gotten to edit, I'm really happy with them.

[01:12:05] I'm excited to share them, but yeah, I'm not like really photographing much rest of the month.

[01:12:10] Big X, the plug.

[01:12:13] Yeah.

[01:12:13] It's got a sold out show at Del Mar Hall this upcoming Friday, uh, or two Fridays from now.

[01:12:19] So it will be the Friday after this is released.

[01:12:21] Mm-hmm.

[01:12:22] And, uh, I was talking with some people and they're like, well, you know, we know, uh, that work for pageant and it's sister venue, Del Mar Hall.

[01:12:30] Like, well, we kind of know how things, how a sold out hip hop show goes to the pageant, but I don't think there's really been a sold out hip hop show that wasn't like jelly roll or something at Del Mar Hall.

[01:12:40] I'm like, yeah, it's going to be real.

[01:12:41] It's going to be a real interesting Friday night.

[01:12:43] Yeah.

[01:12:43] Um, but, uh, big X, the plug.

[01:12:46] Um, one of the better, like Southern rappers I've heard in a minute.

[01:12:51] I really just like his flow.

[01:12:52] He's got some good shit going on.

[01:12:54] It's definitely like that, that fucking Derry South, you know, it's got a little bit of trap influence in there.

[01:12:59] Like, but some nice flow.

[01:13:01] I keep hearing people talk about UGK when they talk about him.

[01:13:04] Yeah.

[01:13:04] Yeah.

[01:13:04] Yeah, absolutely.

[01:13:05] Absolutely.

[01:13:06] Just like, just real fucking smooth.

[01:13:08] Fucking A.

[01:13:09] Um, so I'm looking forward to that.

[01:13:10] And then of course the Saturday after that is the 20th or 10th anniversary show for local old dudes playing heavy music.

[01:13:18] Hell night over at off Broadway.

[01:13:20] So I'm looking forward to that.

[01:13:22] But, uh, okay.

[01:13:23] That's good to know.

[01:13:24] That's all I got going on, man.

[01:13:25] I'm kind of boring right now.

[01:13:26] I'm just going slowly insane.

[01:13:28] Oh, trust me.

[01:13:29] I'm with you.

[01:13:30] Well, I guess that means it's time for you to tell people where to find you.

[01:13:34] If you want to, uh, uh, send me death threats or tell me that I'm ruining my life.

[01:13:39] Uh, you can find me over on Twitter at I shock E.

[01:13:42] D board.

[01:13:42] I S H O T G U Y D B O R D.

[01:13:45] If you want to find me on Instagram, it's a music photographer.

[01:13:51] If you want to check out a website that still isn't working.

[01:13:53] No.

[01:13:53] You can go over to a music photographer.com.

[01:13:56] If you want to check out my portfolio, which is most certainly fucking working.

[01:13:59] You can go over to asshole music photographer.com.

[01:14:02] Um, you can go over to arts stl.com.

[01:14:05] The last and only good media website lessons St.

[01:14:08] Louis.

[01:14:08] They have been on a 120 day plus posting streak.

[01:14:12] Hell yeah.

[01:14:13] Uh, and I have not contributed to any of it for a couple months.

[01:14:17] Someday.

[01:14:18] Someday I'll, I'll finish the shit about music that happened two months ago.

[01:14:23] All right.

[01:14:24] Fuck my, I'll just give up.

[01:14:25] Really?

[01:14:26] Anyways, that's what's going on.

[01:14:28] Jason, where can they tell you to eat shit and die?

[01:14:30] Fair enough.

[01:14:31] You can tell me that over a blue sky.

[01:14:32] I have made the move permanently.

[01:14:34] That is a video crime.

[01:14:36] Of course, anywhere there's a video crime.

[01:14:37] Chances are that's going to be me.

[01:14:39] I mean, you're talking letterboxd, wherever.

[01:14:41] And you can also find me as part of a podcast.

[01:14:43] Red tube.

[01:14:45] Well, later.

[01:14:47] You can also find me as part of a podcast.

[01:14:49] That's not this one.

[01:14:50] It's called submitted for the approval of the midnight pals.

[01:14:52] There I play a fictionalized version of yes, Stephen King.

[01:14:56] And those episodes for season two are coming soon.

[01:14:59] But if you want to catch up on season one before then, by all means, do that thing.

[01:15:03] Look it up on anywhere podcasts are sold.

[01:15:05] Chances are wherever you're listening to this show, you'll also be able to find that one.

[01:15:10] But if you want to go directly to that website, you can do that too.

[01:15:13] That is midnight-pals.simplecast.com.

[01:15:16] You can contact the show itself in a number of ways.

[01:15:19] My personal favorite is the telephone.

[01:15:21] Give us a call.

[01:15:22] 314-246-9766.

[01:15:25] That's 314-AHOY-POO if you like to spell with your telephone.

[01:15:28] You can shoot us an email.

[01:15:30] Jason at the number 4, the number 8, minutesofdogsbarking.com.

[01:15:34] Brian with a Y at the number 4, the number 8, minutesofdogsbarking.com.

[01:15:39] And if you want to support the show, if you like what you hear, that's patreon.com slash 48minutesofdogs.

[01:15:46] There you will find our post-show hangout called Thanks I Hate It, the occasional brain rot that we call the Mind Zone.

[01:15:55] And whatever else comes into our sticky little brains.

[01:15:59] And if you get yourself in there at the $10 level before the end of the year, you're going to get yourself an exclusive,

[01:16:04] civ, civ, civ, civ, that's right, 90-minute commentary track on a Japanese puke fetish video called Gero Monster Home Delivery.

[01:16:14] Sign up today.

[01:16:15] Find out what you're missing out on.

[01:16:17] Because there's just all sorts of funny additional content when we talk about just whatever the fuck comes into our brains.

[01:16:22] And I love it.

[01:16:23] I love the fact that we have a place to be unfiltered and completely ridiculous.

[01:16:27] Speaking of completely ridiculous, that's right.

[01:16:30] It's the end of the show.

[01:16:31] As we always say at this time, namaste, good luck, give mommy a good gut fucking 25th Amendment now, eat the knife.

[01:16:37] And who ate all of the people?

[01:16:41] The fuck was that?

[01:16:43] I don't know.

[01:16:44] Anyways, guys, good night.