Episode 120 : The Volcel State

[00:00:00] Try not to get scared. Scariest Stories.

[00:00:03] I'm really excited for the new movie, I exclaimed with excitement.

[00:00:08] Little did I know, it would be a feature, a creature feature, featuring the creature.

[00:00:16] 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking.

[00:00:29] Woo woo woo, growl, growl, 48 Minutes of Dogs.

[00:00:49] Folks, guess who fell out of a coconut tree, and into the White House, that's right,

[00:00:55] it's the first in these sleeves President, Madam Kamala Harris.

[00:01:00] folks folks it's not the white house anymore it's the brat house and guess who she's having

[00:01:06] coming down for her inauguration that's right lmfao princess superstar and who could forget

[00:01:13] amul and the sniffers that's what we would have said if she had done anything completely

[00:01:18] fucking different yeah yeah god i don't know you run the fucking hillary playbook all over again

[00:01:25] lean fucking right you know hey what if we built the wall more than you what if we what if we just

[00:01:32] offered a the republican ticket but in a cultural candy wrapper that is offensive to anyone that

[00:01:39] isn't a pussy hat wearing i want to go back to brunch kind of person yeah completely alienating

[00:01:44] and the the the fat billionaire who uh wears a diaper who's never been inside grocery stores

[00:01:54] her entire life saying like yeah our groceries isn't it they're kind of high isn't that fucked

[00:01:58] that that's why he won yeah because he was like man groceries are kind of higher aren't he has no

[00:02:02] idea what what milk costs no they're calling it groceries folks there's they call have a place

[00:02:09] called supermarket where you can exchange money for goods and services you can get check cash there and

[00:02:15] you can buy pre-sliced pineapple and there's a guy in the deli and you can tell him how how thin you

[00:02:21] want your prosciutto sliced yeah my friends in new jersey they call it gabagoo yeah just what miserable

[00:02:29] fucking thing cool yeah cool cool cool uh cool cool fascism trump do you want to bring it to the white

[00:02:38] house oh clearly he did yeah apparently i just i mean we could spend a lot of time religating how kamala

[00:02:45] could have won yeah kind of done doing anything else really uh not nearing tim waltz there's enough

[00:02:51] finger pointing to go around i'm not interested in that the only thing i'm interested in i feel like

[00:02:56] i feel like anyone that that goes on in the media is like but she she ran a perfect campaign

[00:03:01] full of shit it's full of shit should be fed foot first into a partially working tree mulcher

[00:03:09] oh so you want to see it like stuck at some point okay you know it hasn't been oiled in a while some

[00:03:14] of the bearings are it has to sound like when your vacuum like uh sucks up a coin that's what what it

[00:03:21] has to sound like it has to sound dirty well on that cheery note it's 48 minutes dogs barking my name

[00:03:27] is jason this is brian uh strap the fuck in folks i guess i guess i did pick an appropriate main topic

[00:03:33] this week we'll get to that later first we're gonna go for something a little bit more lighthearted

[00:03:37] yeah that's right a squirrel got killed got killed was destroyed by the county

[00:03:44] and this became a bit of a political flashpoint i don't know if you caught up with any of this

[00:03:49] so vince mancini writing for the content report which is vince mancini's uh substack the headline

[00:03:56] before the squirrel story i was kind of holding it together

[00:04:01] and again this was a couple days ago considering that tomorrow's election day a thing we've been

[00:04:05] talking about non-stop for what feels like 18 months now i thought i'd been holding it together

[00:04:09] pretty well i've been avoiding looking at polls dodging the flood of breathless micro stories about

[00:04:14] whatever which campaign did what in the last four days and generally trying to take deep breaths and

[00:04:19] convince myself to pre-accept whatever outcome should come to pass is the earth round or flat i honestly

[00:04:26] never thought about it whoopee i'm just trying to raise my kids and yet it feels like things have

[00:04:30] gotten truly deranged yes i am talking about the squirrel story james woods posted this and it is

[00:04:39] very long i'm not going to read it all but it says it starts with a riff on the newtonian model of the

[00:04:43] universe and ends with this event where armed officers took a pet squirrel from an individual

[00:04:48] in new york opens a pandora's box of the horrors of leftist tyranny the post which is real by the way

[00:04:57] that is to say not photoshop feels like a perfect encapsulation of right-wing boomer posting in

[00:05:03] which pretty much anything such as say the confiscation of a pet squirrel can be held up as

[00:05:09] the key to understanding leftist tyranny then a person sent me a cartoon by ben garrison

[00:05:18] and if you don't know ben garrison boy i highly recommend you looking him up because he is completely

[00:05:23] fucking insane so the basics of the story is this it's again another newsletter garbage day

[00:05:34] gentleman by the name of ryan broderick writing the headline conservatives are real worked up about a

[00:05:40] dead squirrel last week new york's department of environmental conservation confiscated a tiktok

[00:05:46] famous squirrel and raccoon named peanut and fred respectively and euthanized him the official line

[00:05:53] from the dec is that when the animals were taken during the raid peanut bit a human both animals

[00:05:58] were destroyed due to rabies protocols peanut and fred were owned by a man named mark longo

[00:06:04] a fitness influencer on tiktok which is already a poison fucking pill to swallow to begin with

[00:06:11] after all this happened elon musk posting here and a shitty grok ai of peanut the squirrel

[00:06:18] as obi-wan kenobi this is if you strike me down it'll become more powerful than you could ever

[00:06:23] imagine which is clearly a chipmunk obi-wan kenobi's lightsaber is also famously blue and the obvious

[00:06:29] joke here would have been oh peanut kenobi you stupid asshole but i digress what we do know is that the

[00:06:37] tiktok fitness influencer found a squirrel seven years ago and he launched the peanuts freedom farm

[00:06:45] animal sanctuary which houses apparently closer to 300 other animals to own a wild animal like a squirrel

[00:06:52] in new york requires a permit and he admitted during a round of media hits this weekend he was still

[00:06:57] in the process of getting a license also yes longo and his wife have an only fans page which is an

[00:07:04] which is only an important detail here because of how swiftly the online right has jumped

[00:07:09] on this story conservatives have turned into a digital manhunt for the person who called in the

[00:07:17] complaint someone had noticed that longo not only had the squirrel but also had this only fans page

[00:07:27] where they were doing um let me put it as bluntly as i can they were uh jacking off doing nut vids

[00:07:34] yeah basically nut vids for peanut basically uh tmz mark tells tmz when officials showed up they

[00:07:41] asked questions that had nothing to do with the animals mark says one of the first questions were

[00:07:45] do you have any cameras in your house this seems telling mark and his wife are big on only fans

[00:07:51] that have done porn on the platform so the working theory is that the cops were there for the porn and

[00:07:58] not for the animals but just what a stupid fucking story to get hung up on in the last days before

[00:08:05] the election yeah i mean it's kind of fucked it's all fucked let's begin there but i see why like non

[00:08:11] brain melted people like maybe me and you could be like well yeah that's that's kind of a sad story

[00:08:16] right and the fact that the the owners are are adult sex workers is kind of irrelevant but it is an

[00:08:24] interesting bit of uh flavor to it it definitely uh feels like what the fuck are we doing anymore

[00:08:30] as a country we used to be a proper country where people who fucked for money right could have weird

[00:08:36] pets yeah you know you know what when i was a little boy my grandfather told me if i could if i could fuck

[00:08:44] for gasoline i could have a tiger that's right and i don't feel like that america that my grandfather

[00:08:50] told me about um uh exists anymore and i'm no i'm saddened i'm saddened that we've gotten so far from

[00:08:57] the uh what the framers of the constitution want again this is a jonathan paletti writing on medium

[00:09:07] long ago was an established porn actor known as squirrel daddy his only fans tagline peanuts dad

[00:09:14] very all caps kinky player devil fire emoji sometimes he listed this girl's name is peanut which seems in

[00:09:24] this context a sexual reference jesus christ yeah of course long ago it said to live his wife daniella

[00:09:29] on a rural farm-like property in pine city is she the unseen photographer recording her husband out

[00:09:36] displaying his penis his asshole etc all in a very gay style i mean jesus christ

[00:09:49] well look hey you know uh i'm sorry for peanut but uh it's it's fucking stupid it's one of those

[00:09:55] things where you're like this this is what we're talking about i mean the next story is not much

[00:10:01] better i know look i didn't want to go into too many political stories this week we've been doing

[00:10:06] this all month so i figured it's time for a break and sadly the stories i had to choose from are very

[00:10:13] fucking weird and or dumb and this one definitely fit the bill now we talked to you a long time ago

[00:10:19] when he first came to my attention about baby grok they call it baby grok baby grok and there was a

[00:10:27] fellow known as the rizzler the rizzler the rizzler that's christian joseph and this is uh he's the

[00:10:34] he's the son of the the big guy there this is the costco guy baby grok released a video

[00:10:42] called baby grok beats up the rizzler the rizzler i'm gonna kick your fat butt

[00:10:57] help me

[00:10:59] um that is the dad's name by the way he goes by big justice the costco guy dad uh and so

[00:11:08] it gets stupider rizzler i call you out to a box match rizzler and i'll beat you up so they're

[00:11:24] doing uh they're they're doing promos they're cutting promos they're calling each other out

[00:11:29] uh at least it's one-sided for now but uh yeah he's holding up a picture of the kid and like i'm

[00:11:34] gonna kick your dad's ass you don't want to smoke with me absolute dog shit content this is what we're

[00:11:41] reduced to i guess but like i don't know dude this this sucks yeah i thought the last story was

[00:11:51] depressing but i don't know making a kid look like west county um joe dirt and making fun of

[00:12:01] the to like pick a fight with a fat kid right that is internet famous in ways that he isn't

[00:12:09] baby grok has not been on jimmy fallon no he has not that's right uh big justice and the

[00:12:14] rizzler were on jimmy fallon oh god i heard that segment is painful to watch it is it's it's truly

[00:12:21] something else i bet jimmy fallon is just thinking about like why am i not drunk enough why am i not

[00:12:26] i think i think that is like all jimmy fallon is doing how can i normalize fascism and where's the

[00:12:31] next where's the where's the bar why is there not a gun in my mouth right now yeah that's

[00:12:35] why is there not a gun in my mouth i just want to squeeze the trigger i mean like anything that

[00:12:41] bill hicks said about jay leno it applies to jimmy fallon yeah that's all i'm saying they should do

[00:12:45] the jimmy fallon to what they did in that french movie which one martyrs yeah you got to be more

[00:12:54] specific yes exactly exactly like like the last half of martyrs just stood in jimmy fallon god

[00:13:03] imagine having jimmy fallon tied to a chair oh and you just have like a blowtorch oh boy some uh

[00:13:12] uh a speculum just i mean don't stop robbie his ass like don't stop so so yeah uh baby baby

[00:13:21] gronk versus the rizzler oh that feels just terrible it feels bad you know what else feels bad

[00:13:31] this next post robert j o'neill you're familiar with robert j o'neill brian that's the guy uh that

[00:13:38] said he killed bin laden they're one of the guys that is the guy that said he killed bin laden he's the

[00:13:43] host of a podcast called operator which all right this weighs heavy on me already well you're gonna

[00:13:51] love this so a gentleman named harry sisson two blue checks yelling at each other by the way a guy

[00:13:57] named harry sisson uh posting this we're gen z voters and we all proudly voted for kamala harris

[00:14:03] real men support harris and it's a photo of uh five guys in a van uh going to vote robert o'neill

[00:14:11] quote tweets this and says you're not men you're boys if there was no social media you would be my

[00:14:20] concubines i think he means catamites let's get out of the way for it but also so what's a catamite

[00:14:27] catamite is a young male sex slave oh so that's like galileo hat or whatever yeah or play-doh where

[00:14:34] they put the olive oil between the legs and well let me let me just double check that i'm using it

[00:14:38] right yeah a pubescent boy who was an intimate intimate companion of an older male usually in a

[00:14:45] pederastic relationship oh okay well that's better okay i'm less i'm less offended now

[00:14:52] they're like if he's turning them out in in the way of classic classical literature

[00:14:59] and not like some guy that owns like a vacuum store concubine is very different that's a woman who

[00:15:07] lives with a man uh has sex with him but isn't married to him so it's a mistress essentially yeah

[00:15:13] if there were no social media you'd be my concubines this app is free it really is one

[00:15:20] of those moments like this doesn't cost anything unless you want it to uh anthony fantano at the

[00:15:26] needle drop i take it back i love this app harry says in the original posters so you want five young

[00:15:33] boys to be your sex slaves that's pretty fucking weird also ratio bozo he did in fact ratio congrats

[00:15:40] yeah icy jake wait wasn't icy jake the name of someone that was on uh street fight podcast

[00:15:49] or street fight radio i don't know i think there was an icy oh man i don't know if it's the same

[00:15:55] one but yeah icy jake i just like the idea of like some guy that was hanging out with brian drinking uh

[00:16:00] tobacco flavored vodka and doing crayon also voted for harris i'm sorry i'm sorry i have i'm a simple

[00:16:08] man with simple dreams no so icy jake uh responding bro is doubling down and still has no idea what he

[00:16:14] said robert o'neill in a now deleted tweet saying no jake i'm telling you exactly what betas like you

[00:16:21] will be used for sex and food mostly food i'm gonna eat your ass yeah so not only is he gonna

[00:16:29] fuck the boys but he's gonna eat them too what a strange thing to say to quote bart simpson uh

[00:16:34] what strange thing to say okay man sure sure dude keep keep fucking that chicken yeah and it's just

[00:16:43] like it was clearly like midday the day before the election and he's just popping off on twitter

[00:16:48] just going these kids yeah i'm making my little toys i'm gonna make these boys my sex slaves and

[00:16:56] that's just how it is you want to hear about how i killed bin laden while i'm plowing a you know 18

[00:17:01] year old sure okay what a time to be alive i'm telling you he's continued by the way in this sam

[00:17:07] rogers the navy is never beating the allegations at the waple house christy yamaguchi main is wanting

[00:17:13] to fuck young boys the reason you're divorced or uh several people saying congratulations on coming

[00:17:21] out of the closet george takei i mean actually not a bad a bad riff from him i didn't realize they

[00:17:30] were thinking about that part of the roman empire yeah but see here's my thing about george takei

[00:17:35] how many of howard stern's writers wrote that for him you know yeah balloon knot baba booey it's just

[00:17:42] it's been a wild week to be online with the you know with the obvious reasons but also this shit

[00:17:46] you know just betas will be used for sex and food and just all sorts of fun stuff you know it's not

[00:17:54] fun though getting scammed out of your hard-earned crypto that's right folks crypto scam of the week

[00:18:02] you're listening to 48 minutes of dogs barking the podcast and now it's time for the crypto scam of the

[00:18:09] week this week courtesy of decrypt gentleman by the name of vince dioquino writing here have you heard

[00:18:16] about this one right a fake jury call no i have a jury duty call so yes the colorado authorities

[00:18:21] saying here a keystone colorado resident fell victim to a sophisticated crypto scam this past week

[00:18:30] losing over six thousand dollars in bitcoin after fraudsters posed as law enforcement officials

[00:18:37] threatening arrest for missing jury duty so according to documentation reviewed by decrypt an additional

[00:18:44] four thousand dollar transfer was in the works though deputies were able to intervene before it

[00:18:49] pushed through so this guy would have been out ten thousand dollars the summit county sheriff's office

[00:18:54] disclosed the perpetrators had already obtained sensitive personal information during the call

[00:18:59] the office stating quote a deputy will never call anyone to notify them of a warrant for their arrest and

[00:19:05] then offer it offer to clear it in exchange for gift cards wire transfers or bitcoin now to me that seems like a

[00:19:12] no brain you need to get us a 500 target gift card to get this arrest warrant this continuing you know

[00:19:19] other people here's one in denver five thousand dollars in bitcoin again scammers impersonating folks

[00:19:26] trying to get him to go to jury duty the victim believing she must have overlooked a jury notice

[00:19:32] follow the perpetrator's instructions to clear a fake warrant by sending payment through a bitcoin atm

[00:19:38] and then september a keystone bank staff prevented a resident from transferring eight thousand dollars

[00:19:45] in crypto after receiving a similar call colorado's crypto fraud landscape has expanded significantly

[00:19:52] state investigators documenting 1300 cases totaling 81 million dollars in losses this past year 2023

[00:20:02] it ranks 15th nationally for crypto related crimes that's insane he won million dollars and only the 15th

[00:20:11] i'm curious about what they link here about where it says uh enforcement data let's see what we got here

[00:20:15] oh this is an fbi cryptocurrency fraud report this might be the only time i believe anything in fbi

[00:20:22] crime statistics

[00:20:27] and look my the best stat right here people over 60 lost a billion and a half dollars

[00:20:36] that's over a year okay over 60 threats of violence only got you 27 thou not bad yeah ransomware but 27

[00:20:50] grand 27 mil excuse me government impersonation that's the one 112 mil over the course of 2023 let's see here yeah here we go it's the uh country stats number one baby united states of america 5 billion this is an average in losses uh iran still getting hit with 200 complaints a year for about uh nine mil so hot damn staggering numbers

[00:21:16] there's very big numbers yeah yeah top five crimes attack support extortion government impersonation investment

[00:21:22] and the confidence romance scam i find it hard to believe that confidence romance scams are so low on the list

[00:21:28] pig butchering you know that kind of thing yeah i feel like uh yeah this is like a captive audience

[00:21:33] you got them on the hook and you're just gonna keep bleeding yeah yeah amazing yeah i think all of us would

[00:21:38] would would do some pretty bizarre things to get out of jury duty or being

[00:21:44] it's such a it's such a good one because like man fuck jury duty right i'm glad i missed it but

[00:21:49] fuck now i got i got this i gotta send this guy you know to ethereum yeah because this is like six grand

[00:21:56] it's like well that's nothing just the fact that they're impersonating you know the sheriff's office

[00:22:00] to come get you for jury duty of all the scams you're right i probably would fall for that one

[00:22:07] i'm sure i've missed jury duty at some point in fact i remember i did and that was not it was very

[00:22:12] unpleasant and i would not want to go through that again so the only time i've ever been summoned for

[00:22:16] jury duty was may of 2020 okay so very bad time to be summoned yeah so uh so i was like i have jury

[00:22:25] like i told my employer like i have jury duty and they're like that doesn't seem right i'm like it

[00:22:29] doesn't but like i might not be coming in this day and like i have to call a phone number to get like my

[00:22:35] my appointment or whatever for for selection yeah and i called it and it's like yeah due to the

[00:22:42] ongoing covet 19 pandemic like we are not currently doing yeah jury duty i'm like okay then why did i

[00:22:48] get this it's probably automated that's the thing they were probably in the works for months before

[00:22:54] you know we said you know what we're not doing journey duty for a while because yeah the most recent

[00:22:59] one i did was about two years ago and i was you know fully masked and uh paranoid the whole time

[00:23:06] you know it's not great yeah i'm not sure if that's really great for justice just in general

[00:23:11] all right so we've been uh avoiding feeling feelings this whole time trying to laugh it off but

[00:23:17] sometimes you can only do one thing and that is sink into despair and that's why this week's main topic

[00:23:24] despair incorporated despair incorporated brian do you remember these these demotivators you remember

[00:23:30] i remember yeah demotivational posters i sure do uh monkey fucking cheese man i love the only thing i

[00:23:39] loved more than than demotivational posters is when max posted a new article oh boy yeah oh baby

[00:23:47] well i did find the story behind despair incorporated very interesting because it really did come about

[00:23:54] during the end of what you would call like web 1.0 or maybe like the early 2000s tech bubble this story

[00:24:03] here from the austin chronicle the headline when frowny face equals dollars despair.com demotivation and

[00:24:12] capitalizing on the variables of web content by toddy burton life is hard you're sad it's a lonely

[00:24:18] world out there but don't worry it's all right just close your eyes and picture an eagle soaring

[00:24:23] through the sky beautiful majestic across the image you read the words dare to soar followed by your

[00:24:30] attitude almost always determines your altitude in life don't you feel better yeah right neither does any

[00:24:38] other sentient being within our known universe the motivational industry is a staggeringly massive

[00:24:44] multi-billion dollar a year business austin-based company despair incorporated exists as a reaction to

[00:24:51] this absurdity observes co-founder and ceo justin sewell quote you can find countless examples of

[00:24:57] authors claiming to produce quote life-changing experiences and lasting motivation and as often as

[00:25:03] not i think it ends up leaving people feeling more miserable than they were to begin with the market

[00:25:09] is flooded with this stuff it's offending people sewell says it's so condescending and patronizing

[00:25:15] enter despair inc enter a vibrant color photograph of a windblown tree on a blue seashore that bears the

[00:25:23] word adversity below this in smaller print that which does not kill me postpones the inevitable

[00:25:32] or a close-up image of a shining pearl with the word beauty followed by if you're attractive enough

[00:25:37] on the outside people will forgive you for being irritating to the core and so they took the idea

[00:25:44] created by a company named successories this was the original origin of these because successories

[00:25:51] was its own company successories made a huge deal with the same ones these these you know um yeah there

[00:25:59] it's a successories you know it's um the power of attitude never give up yeah oh go there go over

[00:26:06] go under go around or go through but never give up and it's a flower blooming through the snow right

[00:26:14] but fuck yeah this stuff this stuff sucks it's just it's terrible it's all for middle managers who want

[00:26:21] to pretend they're being deep and all that and so these guys in austin decided you know what fuck it

[00:26:26] we're gonna do the opposite of that we're gonna tell you that shit's fucked the world's bad you're

[00:26:32] bad for thinking it could get any better and here we go so now they still are active by the way despair

[00:26:39] despair inc are no longer active on twitter their last post was december of last year

[00:26:44] but they've really not done a lot they did a t-shirt about a lifetime of social distancing prepared me for

[00:26:50] this a special pandemic t-shirt from april of 2020 they have a youtube channel with exactly three videos

[00:26:58] on it because these used to be on the website now the website is still around the website is still

[00:27:04] hanging out there despair inc and they've got calendars for sale 20 up through 2025 they got mugs

[00:27:12] they have despair wear which does have an election theme here choose the form of the destructor

[00:27:18] big 24 by 30 posters packs of cards all of which having the demotivators on them i this one real

[00:27:26] here destiny it's a guy standing on a mountaintop during this great celestial event says born too late

[00:27:31] to explore the world born too early to explore the stars born right on time to explore unemployment

[00:27:38] thanks to ai things like that it's not bad so they do have the 2025 calendar 12 soul crushing designs

[00:27:46] you can build your own on their website you can grab any of the demotivators they've created throughout

[00:27:50] the years make your own little calendar there they do sell the posters and all that uh yeah a great

[00:27:55] one quality this guy running down in the middle of a highway what appears to be you know the arizona or

[00:28:01] new mexico the race for quality has no finish line so technically it's more like a death march i do love

[00:28:07] the attitude i gotta give them i gotta give them points for for being well written and it got some

[00:28:13] interesting photos here's a little rube goldberg machine with a bunch of moving parts and solutions

[00:28:18] this is what happens when problem solvers get paid by the hour meetings a bunch of people putting their

[00:28:23] hands on top of each other none of us are as dumb as all of us see the origins of despairing part of the

[00:28:30] more interesting part to me again going back to the austin chronicle article 1998 the two founders

[00:28:36] justin and jeff sewell twin brothers found themselves enduring crazy hours and low pay

[00:28:42] at an internet startup in dallas if you know anything about the dallas scene in the 90s it was like all

[00:28:49] these tech companies moved there because it was cheap and not a lot of them survived nope one of the

[00:28:55] people that kind of lived in that environment was mike judge who yeah i think famously id software

[00:29:02] moved to the penthouse office of like one of the tallest buildings and i believe it was dallas i

[00:29:09] believe so yeah and the thing was that had like a a metal roof oh god and it was apparently uh it would

[00:29:17] just heat up in the summertime and it would just be miserable in there and they also kept it really

[00:29:23] dark so it's just like a dark sweat lodge damn that makes sense that they made doom there then

[00:29:29] we're already in hell why not yeah so they were working at an internet startup in dallas their

[00:29:36] co-worker larry kirsted became their friend they continued to become more disillusioned as the company

[00:29:41] proved not only unreliable but also deceptive in the course of this frustration justin began receiving

[00:29:48] catalogs for motivational products as he recalls quote jeff and larry and i started to flip through

[00:29:54] the catalog the sentiments of the posters were so syrupy you just couldn't help but think if there

[00:29:59] were a catalog with posters of toxic work cultures it would be perfect the inspiration was immediate

[00:30:06] that same year they left their jobs and together with kirsten created despair inc they launched an internet

[00:30:12] store at the time justin thought quote we're going to run out of money and have nothing to show for it

[00:30:17] but a huge stack of failure posters but by the fall of 98 they were getting as many as hundreds of

[00:30:24] orders a day and the success of despair inc has been in a steady incline ever since now again this is 2006

[00:30:31] so i don't know if that's necessarily maintained its trajectory but but they did make kirsten the guy who

[00:30:37] actually looks like somebody who works in an office the face of the company he was a former professor he

[00:30:42] has a phd in organizational communication uh let's see here as they waited for sales jeff and justin found

[00:30:48] ways to amuse themselves we had nothing to do justin says and so we thought let's write fake stories so

[00:30:55] photoshopped images of kirsten meeting with captains of industry commonly appeared on their website and so

[00:31:02] they created this kind of alternate reality where kirsten was this big ceo and then they

[00:31:10] this is my favorite part they actually registered the frowny emoticon that's the colon dash

[00:31:16] end bracket or beginning bracket with the u.s patent office to their surprise they got it they were

[00:31:24] rewarded a registered trademark two years later they posted the following press release and i have the

[00:31:30] original press release here dallas texas january 2nd 2001 in a move that has millions across the

[00:31:37] internet community frowning despair inc today announced that the u.s patent and trademark office

[00:31:42] has awarded them a registered trademark for the frowny emoticon which serves as their logo

[00:31:47] at a press conference despair's coo dr e.l kirstein announced his intentions to sue quote anyone

[00:31:55] and everyone who uses the so-called frowny emoticon or our trademarked logo in their written email

[00:32:02] correspondence forever despair filed suit yesterday at a u.s district court in dallas alleging trademark

[00:32:09] infringement against over 7 million internet users the company has requested separate injunctions

[00:32:15] granted against each and so they put out this big fake press conference they didn't actually sue

[00:32:20] anybody about that but yeah here's compliance with the injunction will require the defendants to

[00:32:27] provide to the court and despair inc a report in writing under oath setting forth in detail the

[00:32:33] manner and form in which the defendant has complied with the injunction to destroy any email in which

[00:32:38] they have used the offending mark despair has also petitioned the court to require defendants to submit

[00:32:43] a handwritten letter which the repeats the phrase frowny emoji is a registered trademark of despair inc

[00:32:49] 1 000 times oh just shit posting on a massive scale and the fact that the part about them getting the

[00:32:57] frowny emoticon registered is true that to me is sorry of course they made a bit of a riff on prince

[00:33:04] here kirsten concluded the already baffling press conference with yet another surprise announcement

[00:33:09] he is in seriously consideration to change his name from edward lawrence kirsten to simply

[00:33:13] the frowny face emoji the idea of having a name which so succinctly symbolizes unhappiness has enormous

[00:33:21] appeal to me kirsten said he had made no firm decisions yet but warned reporters not to plan to

[00:33:26] call him the ceo formerly known as kirsten if he decided upon the change that was a little bit of a

[00:33:33] prince joke there in 2001 2001 it was already dated at that point well culture the the riffs moves

[00:33:41] is so much slower that's absolutely true we were still doing uh chewbacca eating my balls in 2001

[00:33:47] i think weren't we sure why not and so from there they continued i mean they still do a pretty brisk

[00:33:54] sale they must the website's still up they're still offering calendars for sale but they also started

[00:33:59] doing a podcast which is lost to time this was the very very early days of podcast before youtube

[00:34:06] they had a video podcast which was the three videos we referenced that are on their youtube page

[00:34:13] it is called the art of demotivation here's a little bit from addressing employee complaints most

[00:34:21] of the employees recognize the implications immediately and it's one thing to be unhappy

[00:34:27] with your headset it's another thing to lose your job and so as a result complaints about headsets

[00:34:33] have virtually stopped something as simple as setting a free brochure in a public area was a very

[00:34:38] effective strategy to save me thousands of dollars because it reminded employees that it really could be

[00:34:44] worse and if they didn't stop complaining it probably would be worse

[00:34:50] my favorite part of this is that a lot of that idea is no longer satire you will see it on linkedin

[00:34:57] if you ever go oh yeah people are posting like that all the time the linkedin mindset is fucking insane

[00:35:03] you ever go into the subreddit linkedin lunatics i have not oh boy it is a hoot people screencapping

[00:35:11] all sorts of insanity from there what i found interesting was these guys hooked up with a group

[00:35:18] called amplifier i don't know if you're familiar with amplifier i am not so this piece

[00:35:27] from that other paper it's another austin alt weekly and it's about despair inc hooking up with

[00:35:35] amplifier it says uh despair inc makes demotivators inspirational posters for the irony age and then it

[00:35:42] describes demotivators which we all know but despair is more about products there are of course the

[00:35:47] wickedly satirical video podcasts there are the order confirmations that warn the customer that quote

[00:35:52] any pretense of consideration for your needs would be counterproductive to our raison d'etre

[00:35:58] before attempting to sell them kirsten's book the art of demotivation there is the fact that you can

[00:36:05] order a hand-bound letter-pressed chairman edition of said book with a personalized voice message

[00:36:12] from kirsten himself for 1,195 dollars amazing there is also the fact that it comes in a book

[00:36:21] coffer which is a fully functioning cigar humidor

[00:36:26] so the and that their uh fax number is 877 failure uh so it says here so when i walked into

[00:36:34] despair's office adam avrmasku writing i expected to find dr kirsten sipping apple brandy atop a mound

[00:36:41] of writhing white-collar stooges what i found in reality was well not despair at all the warehouse's

[00:36:47] waiting room informed me in mammoth glowing red orange letters that i was at the home of a company

[00:36:53] called amplifier amplifier made deals with home star runner red versus blue and despairing themselves

[00:37:03] walter stokes it says here fresh-faced and wearing a maroon striped polo and cargo shorts smiled at me

[00:37:09] and offered to give me a tour of the warehouse we passed through rows of boxes filled with t-shirts

[00:37:13] prints and even bottles of stubbs barbecue sauce you've been to austin you know stubbs barbecue

[00:37:18] sauce this is still a thing just past a little station where people were sorting through a new

[00:37:22] shipment of t-shirts there was the printing press room walter explained that they had bought the press

[00:37:26] so they could customize orders like calendars as we mentioned before uh 12 prints the customers

[00:37:31] choosing we're only leasing this press walter said but you could possibly trade this in for a big house

[00:37:36] in hyde park the press was an investment walter and others had to attend a five-day course in boston

[00:37:43] to learn how to operate it and a second press was coming in to handle orders for the christmas rush

[00:37:48] but as i was learning heavy customization is crucial to amplifier's entire operation

[00:37:54] what is amplifier anyway you may know them better by other clients and we mentioned homestar runner we

[00:38:00] mentioned a couple others but here's penny arcade rooster teeth jib jab ask a ninja tiki bar tv

[00:38:05] amplifier is designed to facilitate business for the creative sector fulfillment distribution customer

[00:38:11] service anything else that might be outsourced customized personalized orders bonus items phone

[00:38:17] support all of that handled by this company also in austin so yeah a fascinating idea you know these

[00:38:24] guys came from startup culture in the 90s and they were like yeah this this sucks actually i love this

[00:38:31] idea that you can take something so stupid because we all hate the linkedin lunatics we all hate the

[00:38:37] successories shit and they turn it into an entire fucking thing like it just it's fascinating to me

[00:38:43] and it's still going that's the other part you know 98 to today yeah 26 years i'm doing my math right

[00:38:52] yeah yeah just that's longer than most internet companies aside from maybe google have been around

[00:38:59] because a lot of them have fallen by the wayside i'm sure you could think of about a dozen that is

[00:39:05] just you know x site or yahoo or things that were actually like big around that time pets.com obviously

[00:39:11] a victim of the dot-com bubble but things like that yeah but these guys just shit posting their way

[00:39:16] through life because what beautiful thing man there used to be so much potential in life like you could do

[00:39:23] something like well if we made demovational posters and that's oh i guess it's a million dollar

[00:39:27] business idea clearly and now there's nothing there's nothing left there really is nothing like

[00:39:34] them right now because now everybody's making their own memes and all that but like this was a proto meme

[00:39:39] i guess this is what you would think of as like this is a way yeah a meme the three of the guys as

[00:39:44] this article continues here they left their former employer with 15 000 apiece that was it it also says a

[00:39:52] fraction of the quarter a million they'd each been promised to develop their new products one of our

[00:39:57] biggest mistakes justin sewell continues was thinking if we built a library of funny stuff and

[00:40:02] went to trade shows where all this motivational stuff was sold people would just gobble it up but

[00:40:06] people's reactions ran colder than expected from ambivalent to hostile justin explains even with the

[00:40:13] people who liked what we had there was this feeling of i think this is funny but i could never sell

[00:40:18] it in my store and others were like have you heard of successories yet oh you will this left them

[00:40:24] demoralized but it also left them in debt having spent 50 grand for the mock-ups and generating only

[00:40:30] six grand in sales thus they went online and it was when they went online that things turned around i

[00:40:39] don't want to say it was the first thing that went viral justin said the onion went viral before we did

[00:40:44] but people were downloading our posters and forwarding them and suddenly people were starting to find out

[00:40:48] about us if that hadn't happened we would have been bankrupt in 1999 the fact that they continue on

[00:40:56] again just fantastic uh it says uh here's another quote from justin we started calling ourselves

[00:41:02] disparities which was a play on successories and we thought at the time that was a good idea

[00:41:08] but then we realized people couldn't spell the word disparity

[00:41:13] and we realized we had to buy despair.com and that's when it hit us the company should be called

[00:41:18] despair inc successories i do remember distinctly at least in my high school guidance counselor's office

[00:41:25] was a big was a big place for those successories my mom works at a travel agency at the time

[00:41:31] she was working for a travel agency in what was then famous bar which would now be macy's right and

[00:41:37] there were successories all over that too you know like motivation a shoot for the stars and they're

[00:41:43] like no this actually kind of sucks and i love the fact that like hating on one particular aesthetic and

[00:41:50] brand has made them i think outlast successories yeah so that's pretty fucking amazing let me see is

[00:41:59] successories still around that's that's the one thing i didn't check up on very different now that it

[00:42:05] was before now it's planters and little troll dolls and it takes teamwork and a rock that says you rock

[00:42:16] the fuck

[00:42:19] this is actually worse look at this this is like soul crushing i actually have one of these there's this uh

[00:42:27] did you get that from uh the dick sucking factory i did it was february 2019 i was like the

[00:42:33] the employee of the month you got the golden mushroom tip it's very disgusting yeah it's an

[00:42:38] egg-shaped kind of guy and it looks like uh it looks like something that you'd stick in your ass

[00:42:43] that's all i can say like one of those uh oval positors one of the yeah one of those jade eggs

[00:42:49] it's huge i still have it how far can you get it in you you know what i haven't actually tried yet so

[00:42:55] we'll we'll have to do that for a future episode one jason one award

[00:43:00] we're making our own shock dot jpegs here that's right that's right we've

[00:43:04] when hell is full the dead shall roam the earth

[00:43:10] oh man oh i don't actually oh shit um but go have a shock dot jpeg

[00:43:16] yeah oh no hey beater you got a shock dot jpeg we'll get there well i'll i'll figure it out but

[00:43:23] but go on what are you doing why are we looking this is where this is where you go where you find

[00:43:27] this is where you go you go for chance you gotta go yeah it's just this is uh lots of porn

[00:43:33] yeah i know it's it's fortune demotivational posters yeah because like have you ever you've

[00:43:39] been in an office where they've had successories and all that shit i had to clean out office one

[00:43:43] time a former employer that was like full of shit like that and like magic eye posters i had to

[00:43:48] explain to a zoomer co-worker what magic eye was did they sit there in front of it try to figure it

[00:43:53] out yeah and then like i pushed it at them oh yeah i was mean it was also the day where we were kind

[00:43:59] of both me and this co-worker kind of fed up with the job and so we just like started talking

[00:44:04] in voices and i was just like bobby i don't care if joseph is going to steve aoki you're not going

[00:44:13] that man wastes good cakes just just riffing riffing for like an hour cleaning this this room

[00:44:21] in this building that no one had used in like a decade fantastic even now i know i haven't been

[00:44:27] actually in the office for like four years but i do remember that i did have before the big ceo

[00:44:33] left he had i don't think it was even necessarily a successories one but it was something very

[00:44:39] similar it was a guy like skiing down a mountain and i don't think it had anything underneath it

[00:44:44] but the word perseverance like okay dude come on come on amazing fucking kidding me with this

[00:44:51] it's one of those things where it was ripe for the picking that somebody had to do it and why not a

[00:44:56] couple guys who'd you know been there all right you ready to look at something gross yeah sure

[00:45:01] and now the moment you've all been waiting for shock.jpg wait wait are you just gonna click a

[00:45:09] random one i'm gonna click a random one because i uh okay this one is called seime time so it's a

[00:45:17] man watching what appears to be a japanese game show while cutting his wrist with a knife or a razor

[00:45:24] blade over and over and over and almost perfect rhythm tick tick yeah it's like and six minutes long

[00:45:34] when he's picking up they're blurring the gore it just i can't tell if he has his wrists up or if

[00:45:42] his palm is down i think he's i think he's got his hand curled like he's gripping something

[00:45:49] interesting so he's like cutting it up again and again it the gore is blurred but it's just you

[00:45:56] could hear it you can just hear this like sure is blurred as much as um it's pixelated because

[00:46:02] this is of the resolution that it was recorded at uh yeah hard to tell it's like a japanese version

[00:46:08] of like jeopardy maybe it's a quiz show some kind and yeah it does feel like final jeopardy where

[00:46:13] they're writing on the tablet they're doing a dramatic moment in the in the video and he stopped

[00:46:20] cutting his arm he's talking to someone in the background he's he's getting back he's getting

[00:46:24] back he's trimming the hedges that is the flesh of his you know we're not we're not we're watching

[00:46:29] this whole damn thing you picked it mister and then it breaks for commercial a guinness commercial

[00:46:37] advertisement for a conditioner brand or a hair hair product and a trailer for a rocky movie

[00:46:45] 2009 that would have been rocky balboa the one with the velo formiga one of the greatest

[00:46:52] race dialogue exchanges in the history of film which is when the his trainer walks into the restaurant

[00:46:59] and the waiter asks him if he has a reservation he goes what do i look like an indian

[00:47:05] that wasn't burgess meredith was it it was oh that wasn't in that wasn't in rocky balboa this one

[00:47:12] the one that they're they're doing the trailer for the last like right the one that came out i remember

[00:47:17] this movie i thought burgess meredith died before that movie specifically because it was the same day

[00:47:22] that i got a blow job in the parking lot of a cemetery in saint charles while it was snowing

[00:47:29] hell yeah so this is a very strong this is a very strong memory for me

[00:47:36] it's very strange for the shock.jpg segment to be a this long let's begin there but also

[00:47:43] to be this banal it's quite a bit of blood in that man's arm yeah point because he's probably we're

[00:47:49] talking probably hundreds of cuts yeah and again the the game show continues while this is going on

[00:47:55] and the game show is just kind of there it's just it's six minutes long and this was just this is

[00:48:02] what you would find at random on youtube this is a yeah this is like the stuff that fart would find

[00:48:06] that like john had to find like like videos of like like videos of people in latin america like

[00:48:13] shitting that like was legit stuff that would be on youtube would just be like a toilet cam

[00:48:19] yeah and you would see feces exit a man's asshole and you'd be like oh that's on youtube

[00:48:24] yeah and before moderation was really like tight i remember someone kind of really depressingly found

[00:48:31] that that there were lots of videos of like underage girls like twerking and stuff like that's not

[00:48:37] like basically being like i didn't want it to be there but yet here we are yeah and now like i feel

[00:48:43] terrible that i know this is a thing that's on the internet mm-hmm oh now you can't really find that

[00:48:47] stuff on on youtube anymore thankfully it's all just videos of mr beast giving people free teslas

[00:48:53] right well i mean you can look there was an entire let's just say a youtube meta if you wanted to find

[00:49:01] skimpily or very nearly nude people on youtube you could search for shine or sheen or however you say

[00:49:10] the name of that company cheyenne sure sheen the clothing company try on hall but then you had to

[00:49:17] include the word sheer and so it's these very attractive women putting on their halls from these

[00:49:25] these companies that are practically see-through so i mean you can look if you're man if you just like

[00:49:33] if you just can't jack off the pornography anymore right youtube's got you for your very specific

[00:49:39] needs they've got you and apparently every other week somebody figures out how to like get around

[00:49:44] censorship on tiktok as well but you're never going to see this on tiktok i don't think uh because

[00:49:49] someone carving their own arm up is probably not going to be a thing i don't know maybe who knows

[00:49:55] um wow yeah it's a very odd one i've been thinking about that one for a while i never really wanted to

[00:50:01] bring it up on this segment because i'm like well it's it's a weird one it's just weird less than it

[00:50:06] is shocking and the gore yes but like it's not particularly high definition gore so nothing's

[00:50:12] really happening he's just sitting there carving himself up for the entire runtime and then takes a

[00:50:17] break and he talks to somebody and then tick tick it's just very strange it's more

[00:50:24] strange than it is shocking let's put it that way this was a strange dot jp strange dot jp that's

[00:50:29] right anyway so that that was that was that segment that was the thing that that happened

[00:50:34] well um i guess it's time for the breath mint brian it's time for your mom's favorite part of the show

[00:50:41] it's time for the breath mint yeah sure after that yeah what you got chief i have a show that uh

[00:50:50] unfortunately you were not able to see a wonderful band from manhattan kansas called

[00:50:56] ultimate fake book made their way here to the off broadway there this past weekend had a hell of a

[00:51:03] time great show the guys are always amazing now of course full disclosure i did open for them in

[00:51:10] one of the bands that i was in 14 years ago my children were less than a year old and it was around

[00:51:16] christmas and i got to get on stage and dance with santa during the big ballad which is a million hearts

[00:51:23] so this time around they they've all kind of scattered and bill's out there uh shooting music

[00:51:29] videos and eric's running a movie review website called scene stealers and nick is just kind of

[00:51:34] has a day job you know they're like well our album this will be laughing week has its 25th anniversary

[00:51:40] this year we're gonna go do a bunch of shows our mutual friend bert uh said hey come here and they

[00:51:47] said sure and so there we were november 2nd and boy what a good time they played it from top to bottom

[00:51:53] they played an amazing show my favorite thing about an ultimate fake book show is always they have this

[00:51:59] little contraption that they bring with them everywhere it is a plexiglass cube and it has a

[00:52:05] smoke machine inside and lights coming up from the bottom so that whenever bill mcshane the guitar

[00:52:10] player comes up and rips a solo he stands on the box and so smoke comes out lights coming up from the

[00:52:16] bottom it's a total rock star moment and it's like anytime he wants to he can just get up there

[00:52:21] and have his fucking amazing ego riser well i mean it's a great visual it's fantastic i remember that

[00:52:28] from the show in 2000 that's right because you shot that i forgot yes i did i most certainly did

[00:52:33] photograph that show what a fucking show that was uh that was when the last i think that was probably like

[00:52:39] the last super great show of that era of the firebird because the firebird at that time

[00:52:46] was this scrappy underdog that was really punching above his weight limit right and then because that

[00:52:52] would have been like what uh december december of 2010 yeah so in december 2010 that was i think like

[00:53:00] the last big show of the year besides probably whatever it was like uh new year's eve i mean camera

[00:53:05] was new year's eve that year but that following month in january is when they started doing the

[00:53:09] renovations and they built the the little uh area for the um sound booth they put in the tile floor

[00:53:19] yeah they put in a new stage how long were they closed for that i think they did over like a week or

[00:53:24] two because they oh damn okay because they they weren't big enough to have a pack january and they

[00:53:30] decided to take like two weeks put some money back into the venue but i feel though that when they did

[00:53:35] that they really changed the character of the room i can see that yeah and as someone who photographed

[00:53:42] hundreds of shows there the weird light blue floor the the stage that wasn't very tall right the two

[00:53:52] park hands that were wired to always be on

[00:53:56] in the side of the stage i think that was the best version of the venue even with the park hands

[00:54:02] even with those fucking park hands i still think that was the best version of the venue they had

[00:54:07] that fucking massive crest uh mixing board that gary uh fucking rebuilt so many channels on that thing

[00:54:15] because people would put phantom power through it and not tell gary it was a fan powered mic or

[00:54:21] di or whatever and fucking fry a channel it was scrappy i think that egos weren't outsized at that

[00:54:27] point that felt like a labor of love for a lot of people that were involved and i think when they like

[00:54:34] redid the floor they built a new stage which was too high i still agreed that stage that was too high

[00:54:40] and like i'll even say the same thing about off broadway when they rebuilt their stage a couple years

[00:54:44] ago i still think that i think they made it too high although i think off broadway when they did their

[00:54:48] recent remodeling i think they they made enough quality quality of life choices without without

[00:54:54] i think changing the character moving the bar was definitely an improvement i will give you that

[00:54:58] yeah um because i haven't been in there in a while and i was there the other night and went oh okay

[00:55:03] this makes a lot more sense actually have the bar right here have it covered because they had this

[00:55:09] whole area that was covered that was kind of going unused there was supposed there was originally

[00:55:14] like a second bar but nobody was ever there yeah so they just moved the main bar over there

[00:55:18] that's great expanding kind of the outdoor area where people could sit they had a bonfire going

[00:55:23] that night which was great they did make a lot of great improvements and uh speaking of the stage

[00:55:30] a couple times during the show bill mcshayne the lead singer was like hey does anybody know

[00:55:35] so is it and i didn't hear what he said because i had my earplugs in because i'm a good boy

[00:55:42] and apparently he was asking who knows the words to soaked in cinnamon i know every word on that album

[00:55:47] but i didn't hear what song he was talking about so a woman named faith got up and she sang backup

[00:55:52] for nick while he was playing the more complicated bits and soaked in cinnamon i was like that's

[00:55:57] fucking cool and then a couple songs later they're like yeah this is little apple girl

[00:56:03] everybody get up on stage a little apple is of course a reference to their hometown of manhattan

[00:56:08] kansas little apple girl was a great time everybody get up on stage like okay how long has it been

[00:56:14] since i've been on the stage at off broadway i owe it to myself and then when i got up about halfway

[00:56:21] through the song i realized i'm fucking old dude i haven't been on stage in years and midway through

[00:56:28] one song and it's not even a long song i was winded

[00:56:34] and i realized my fly was down i'm like yeah this is this is uh this is not my finest moment ever

[00:56:41] i'm sure there were a couple times when i was in bands where my fly was down like the whole show but

[00:56:48] halfway through one song i'm like yeah this is why i don't perform anymore because i'm old and tired

[00:56:52] jesus christ uh but yeah it was just it was still a lot of fun you know a lot of people got up on stage

[00:56:57] everybody got real nuts and yeah it was a small but appreciative crowd which was a damn shame and i

[00:57:03] think the reason the crowd was as small as it was because a lot of people were across town

[00:57:07] going to where you were which was shooting foxing photographing a band whose uh press agent once

[00:57:15] implied that i wasn't like relevant enough to get a photo pass to photograph them uh which felt

[00:57:21] funny now did they change their press agent or was the same guy just came around on you well i just

[00:57:26] went through the venue well there you go so where was this uh this was uh delmar hall oh fantastic and

[00:57:31] sold out show right sold out absolutely sold out how was the show i i have been meaning to see

[00:57:36] them i still haven't seen them live pretty fucking good two openers hot joy who are local band uh

[00:57:42] i've heard good things about them i like the what they have on spotify they were great live and then

[00:57:48] the uh tour support was uh from indian lakes i used to know something about this band but i don't anymore

[00:57:54] they were good they sound great i think it was the last day of the tour so they were ending the tour

[00:57:59] in st louis that's great you're ending it at home yeah uh you don't have to fucking drive six hours

[00:58:06] after this it was a good show it was a good vibe good crowd i photographed some of their earliest shows

[00:58:13] i photographed them for undercover weekend i photographed them for 11 magazine for 10 years ago for

[00:58:20] their record the albatross yes which has become some sort of like a modern midwest emo classic

[00:58:26] that was kind of a thing like i was driving to the venue was like oh i haven't the last time i

[00:58:30] photographed this band was the album release for the albatross at the firebird uh in like may of

[00:58:37] 2014 and i was like damn i'm old i was really just surprised how hard they went not holding back

[00:58:48] whatsoever and like the the given perspective for people who aren't from st louis to listen to this

[00:58:54] is that st louis is like a lot of times where uh bands take a break on stage you kind of really feel

[00:59:00] like oh they went really hard in chicago or louisville or fucking even kansas city the night

[00:59:06] before right and and st louis is the rest show yeah they don't have to care as much yeah because

[00:59:11] it's fucking st louis like oh the fucking best fans in baseball and like you know cops can kill black

[00:59:16] people and get away with it you know i mean like there's a you know they got yeah we got a red called

[00:59:20] st louis breadcoat but it's called panera everywhere else the fucking gumption st louis is a guy that

[00:59:25] talks a woman out of a first date yeah absolutely puts the pussy back in the box says no thank you

[00:59:34] not on a pedestal but no straight back in the package so uh i actually this is no i'm good i'm gonna go

[00:59:40] back to uh go back to squeezing lime juice into my eye and staring at the sun sorry no pussy for me

[00:59:48] yeah i'm good yeah

[00:59:51] the ultimate vol cell state oh for sure missouri the vol cell state so the watch a band just like go

[00:59:59] that fucking hard for a whole entire set and i like i left probably in like the last third of their set

[01:00:05] because i was gonna try and go to the ultimate fake book yeah i arrived i think literally two

[01:00:09] minutes after the show ended probably yeah i i like i talked to the the young one we're working the door

[01:00:16] and i was like the show's over isn't it and she's like yeah i'm like i just missed it and she's like

[01:00:20] yeah i'm like i was over at foxing and her her her face lived she's like how was that i'm like

[01:00:25] there's a reason why i'm late yeah like they were really fuck i like i was expecting foxing just be

[01:00:29] fine like okay yeah i'd shoot why i wanted to shoot because we have full pit access for that

[01:00:35] show i'll just shoot wherever i want to shoot and like whatever i'll go over the off broadway

[01:00:39] you know i was like texting you and you're like oh i think it's like pretty it's almost over man

[01:00:43] i'm like i don't know i'm gonna swing by and say what's up and even though i missed the show

[01:00:48] and had to kind of act like i had been there the whole time to the band because they were so nice

[01:00:54] to put me on the list and everything and um because they remembered your photos like they posted

[01:00:59] about it the day before like hey yeah well they like reached out to me like hey can we get these i'm

[01:01:03] like sure yeah whatever i gave them a download link and oh yeah that's good i was like you know

[01:01:07] whatever i you know it was it was a different vibe coming into off broadway like that because

[01:01:13] i missed a great show which i'm bummed about but i got to see how excited and stoked everyone

[01:01:20] was to have attended and be present for something like that which is his own thing that's really neat

[01:01:25] yeah like bert has been booking shows for gosh nearly 20 years now i was gonna say two decades yeah

[01:01:31] as someone that sees him a handful times a month the see him kind of he once told me many many years ago

[01:01:39] that like you know business is great you know we sell more tickets than we ever have but the vibe

[01:01:46] fucking sucks and i think that is probably the hardest part about doing anything creative in st louis is

[01:01:51] there's a lot of really cool shit going on but like the vibe the ecosystem around it is barely got a

[01:01:59] fucking heartbeat it drags on me and it's not even like my life it's his life right so for him to book

[01:02:05] one of his favorite bands and the see that he had like such a great fucking time just fucking marking out

[01:02:12] yeah i hadn't seen him like that in a long time i don't think i'd seen him like that since the last

[01:02:19] time ultimate fake book yeah down i mean like 14 years my favorite little detail just just for a hot

[01:02:25] second is that they decided near the end of their set to throw in a chapel rowan cover amazing they

[01:02:34] had reworked pink pony club to work with their style it's like all right man cool that's pretty

[01:02:40] cool you know what's up manhattan kansas ain't that far from kansas city so you know yeah well she's

[01:02:45] really more from like springfield i know i know come on come on work with me here we all claim her in

[01:02:51] the midwest i mean i think the thing about chapel rowan that really gets overlooked is that there

[01:02:55] were dozens of girls like that in missouri at any given time yeah is that they all were weird

[01:03:01] theater girlies but they didn't get to be pop stars they just like got burnt out and worked at the

[01:03:06] johnny rockets pretty much yeah you ain't wrong it's a damn shame yeah they're down there at the

[01:03:13] basement of the galleria just like slinging burgers yeah so like yeah foxing was cool i they play

[01:03:18] 737 that's one of my favorites i can't remember what they i don't really know their discography

[01:03:23] that well i know they played some i know they played some stuff off their new record they played

[01:03:26] some stuff that sound really familiar but just fucking amazing energy man this is like like

[01:03:31] just really fucking crushing it good for them how can i and then uh a couple nights ago got to see

[01:03:38] uh tokyo police club on their final tour oh man yeah rest in peace rest in peace i just forgot how

[01:03:43] fucking solid of a band they were was that del maharo as well that was actually the pageant

[01:03:48] pageant okay and it was a really interesting vibe because the halo bar which is the second bar

[01:03:53] of uh the venue um was closed and that's usually open right and also the balcony was closed which

[01:04:00] isn't like a huge surprise usually the halo is still open and i want to say like it probably maybe drew

[01:04:05] like 500 people which in the pageant even if it's just the first floor feels yeah real empty maybe more

[01:04:12] than 500 but the thing though was it really had a very intimate feeling the people that were there

[01:04:20] were really fucking stoked the the band you could tell that they were having a really great time

[01:04:26] sending off you know their musical project and you know telling stories about what meant to start

[01:04:32] this band and like the journeys they've been on like you know you know we did letterman we did this

[01:04:37] like kind of a nice little victory lap of a final tour and they also had like the merch booth on like

[01:04:43] the the level up from the dance floor on the uh stage left and they had their own fucking pinball

[01:04:50] machine hell yeah it's and the and the marquee was like you know uh tokyo police club final tour

[01:04:56] i didn't get to play it but i did take a look at it and i was like this is pretty neat surprising amount

[01:05:02] of photographers at this show that like no one went to it was super fucking fun that was a great little

[01:05:08] set and then last night i was over back at delmar hall photographing um microwave who are like a

[01:05:16] midwest emo pop punk band and they were good the other bands on on the bill been quad prince daddy and

[01:05:24] the hyenas oh prince daddy and the hyenas oh yeah that that they kind of embarrassed themselves a

[01:05:30] little oh no what happened the uh singer was trying to like get the crowd hyped up oh no and like saying

[01:05:37] things like you know we're filming we're filming our music video tonight it just felt really weird and

[01:05:41] kind of cringe and i don't know what was the point you know i say this so many times but st louis is

[01:05:47] where egos go to die like you think you're hot shit in chicago and no one gives a fuck about you in

[01:05:51] st louis and it was a bummer because i really like prince uh daddy and the hyenas i thought they

[01:05:57] were really good but that part was like really kind of a bummer and i'd like talk to some people i knew

[01:06:02] were also at that show uh earlier today and they were also like yeah prince dang hiya was really

[01:06:07] great when they weren't like making me like frown you know like it's a bummer because they are a

[01:06:13] really great band and they did put on a good set it's just like the banter between songs was like a

[01:06:17] like yeah man like you're not the headliner i've talked to bands that put on great sets and sold out

[01:06:22] shows in st louis and like left loading out asking us like so were people having fun right yeah like

[01:06:30] you sold out a 400 cap room yeah people are having fun we hope so yeah and who else is on that bill

[01:06:36] bin quad uh prince dan hyenas just friends oh another great group yeah they were super fun uh they seemed

[01:06:43] like they did not want to be there but uh again they're playing st louis um the microwave microwave

[01:06:50] were great yeah i uh only got to stay for like five or six songs because i had to go to bed right but

[01:06:56] what i got to see was pretty good i asked some people that were there for the whole night and they said

[01:07:00] that they fucking killed it people were crowd surfing having a fucking blast or fucking circle pits and

[01:07:06] shit you know whatever like i like Midwest emo stuff because like there's there tends to be some

[01:07:11] pretty interesting guitar work and some passion i think that's my favorite thing about it is like

[01:07:15] people who are into the genre are into the genre oh yeah it's like going to a hardcore show it's the

[01:07:20] same kind of deal oh yeah like it is like their whole fucking deal yeah it was fun it was a good

[01:07:25] show i'd photograph microwave again i'd go see them again it was pretty cool but yeah that's all i got

[01:07:31] man like life's just been kind of fucking nuts i was actually like thinking earlier today like

[01:07:34] i don't even like for the last week or so like just been kind of on the move to the extent that

[01:07:39] it's like i bought some apples uh over the weekend and i just ate like the first one of the four that

[01:07:45] i bought and was like thinking like yeah i really even had like like the free time or the energy to

[01:07:50] like eat a apple that's fucked was it a good apple at least no it was no it's not very juicy is it i i

[01:07:58] like kind of apple was it we took envy which is i don't know envies are usually pretty good it's not

[01:08:03] the hit or miss for me i i forget why i know i hadn't i was kind of in my apple era this year

[01:08:09] i forget what i normally bought but like there was one of those things where like someone's like

[01:08:13] taking up too much space in the aisle with the apples and you're just like okay what's what's here

[01:08:18] that's not too expensive i'm like okay oh the envies are on sale i fuck with envies but these you can feel

[01:08:24] i could taste they're like a little out of season or they had been like frozen for too long or in a

[01:08:29] cool temp temperature for too long and just didn't really have a lot of juice not a lot of flavor

[01:08:33] like they're fine like it's okay yeah we went apple picking this season and we got the um golden

[01:08:41] delicious those are pretty good that was damn good but we bought three pounds of them and never used

[01:08:47] them so we're back on the uh the real fancy galas oh like a good gala god again i'm out of the game

[01:08:53] here talking apples honey crisps i can fuck with a honey crisps honey crisps are so fucking expensive

[01:08:59] though god damn like you'd think that shit was like had gold flake on it or something it's just

[01:09:04] ridiculous they're so fucking tasty they're good though yeah i i'm not gonna argue about that i

[01:09:09] just it's it's too much like five dollars a pound are you kidding me with this three dollars a pound

[01:09:15] deerberg's that i used to live by but i can get three pounds of whatever the cosmic crisp is i forget

[01:09:21] what the actual breed is i can go to the the aldi and get like three pounds of that yeah because

[01:09:27] you like the little ones that look like it like like uh it looks like a cue ball a dwarf would use

[01:09:31] when they play pool yes they're not as big yes you don't get as much apple yes but you get more of

[01:09:37] them so it it kind of evens out anyway the other thing that i have this week is a book by one of my

[01:09:44] favorite authors yes he is still one of my favorite authors chuck palinook palinook i still cannot say

[01:09:50] his name correctly chuck palinook you know the guy chuckie p the guy who wrote fight clubs oh cp

[01:09:56] oh no nope very different very different uh but this one's called shock induction and it's one of his

[01:10:03] newer ones he's kind of just playing that's what i've always felt about his the basics of the story

[01:10:10] is that you're reading a book the book that you're reading is a version of a book that's been soaked in

[01:10:18] drugs in order to save the dying publishing industry book publishers are now imprinting their books with

[01:10:25] drugs that you can get through your skin yeah subdermal and this is the extended reader edition the ere

[01:10:34] and so you're reading in the ere version of this other book about a girl who discovers that there's a

[01:10:43] secret society called greener pastures where these teenagers are faking suicide in order to then have

[01:10:52] their future sold off on the black market for billions of dollars it's very odd it's surreal just

[01:11:00] like the best chucks work it has to do with hypnosis and mind control but it's very difficult to explain

[01:11:08] just in describing it but i i can say that it is probably one of his best ones recently the the other

[01:11:15] one that i would think to compare it to was rant did you read rant i've never read any of his work

[01:11:21] if you can believe it i i know it's hard to believe me not ever reading i think i have like a book or two

[01:11:27] of his okay i've gotten like at flea markets and stuff i think one of his big strengths is that he loves

[01:11:33] to play with form yeah so he loves to just like in rant the whole story is told as though it is an oral

[01:11:42] history about this guy named rant casey who discovers a method of time travel by having horrific car crashes

[01:11:54] okay so it's it's kind of like drive yeah and drive back to the future and crash maybe but uh

[01:12:01] crash yes i'm sorry yeah the magic trick of rant which i won't spoil for you since you haven't read it

[01:12:07] kind of works the same way here in that by playing with form he gets to fuck with you the reader

[01:12:17] not just the characters in his story which i think is always fascinating uh because as you're reading the

[01:12:23] book there's continually referencing okay now give yourself a great big hug okay now um don't forget

[01:12:29] to wash your hands because you're touching a book supposedly impregnated with you know prend his own

[01:12:35] or whatever you know to me the funniest part of the book is that they keep talking they keep going

[01:12:41] back to these congressional hearings where they're talking about the ere project and he's like yeah well

[01:12:47] once the regular books laced with drugs got out there then there was the black market publishing

[01:12:53] business where people were putting like heroin in the books oh wow that's how you can get people to

[01:12:59] read again is by putting addictive drugs in the books it's shocking and weird and brilliant and it's

[01:13:05] it's one of those things where you're like yeah this is how you use shock and weird shit to get to an

[01:13:14] interesting place in your story i really hope he continues doing out there shit he's been probably one of

[01:13:22] the more consistent people keep calling china mieville the new weird i'm like yeah but chuck's also do it you know like he's kind of

[01:13:31] quietly doing this thing i think every time there's been an attempt at a movie adaptation of a chuck paulanoag book

[01:13:37] that's not been fight club it's kind of gone by the wayside which is a shame because if you've ever seen choke yeah that was a

[01:13:44] sam rockwell but every time you try to get a chuck paulanoag adaptation off the ground it's it's diminishing returns the

[01:13:51] only one that ever really understood him completely was david fincher which makes total sense because

[01:13:55] they're both the same kind of like technically minded nerd who wants to fuck with the audience in a certain

[01:14:02] way invention of sounds not forever but for now like just in the past 10 years or so he's done some

[01:14:10] just dynamite work and i don't really feel like anybody's given him his flowers which is a shame because

[01:14:14] i guess people think of like oh he's the shocking guy he's just the guy who's out there to shock you it's

[01:14:19] like yeah kind of but also like he's playing he's doing he's doing interesting things he's having fun

[01:14:27] yeah he's fucking doing something which is more than i can say for most writers out there so i think

[01:14:33] that is number 27 we've already beat our goal but we're gonna get to 30 something because i just started

[01:14:40] another china mieville book so well it's the city in the city so i'm very excited fancy fancy little boy

[01:14:46] over here reading his words without moving his lips well don't i wouldn't say that but uh good times

[01:14:53] had by all well i guess that means it's time for the end of the show we tell people where to find us

[01:14:58] online oh my god brian god we're on the air net folks live in 3d you can find me on twitter at

[01:15:07] ishotgidibor that's i-s-h-o-t-g-u-y-d-e-b-o-r-d uh you can also find me on instagram at amusicphotographer

[01:15:17] um if you want to go check out a website it doesn't work you can go over to amusicphotographer.com

[01:15:23] if you want to check a website that most certainly does work and has photos that you can gawk at

[01:15:27] uh go over to uh asshole musicphotographer.com thank you thank you very much

[01:15:32] uh if you want to check out the last and only good media website in st louis you go over to the

[01:15:36] arts stl i have still not delivered several things i owe them because life is fucking weird and

[01:15:44] exhausting i'm getting there man i'm doing shit i'm making shit big i'm making it happen slowly but

[01:15:50] surely jason where can they tell you the um the fall from coconut tree you can tell me to be

[01:15:56] unburdened by what has been at a number of places most usually if there's a video crime there it's

[01:16:04] going to be me these days i'm mostly over a blue sky that's at videocrime.4 amystogsmarket.com

[01:16:09] just search video crime it's going to be me chances are i'm also part of a podcast that's not this one

[01:16:15] called submitted for the approval of the midnight pals where i play a fictionalized version of stephen

[01:16:22] king that is going to be anywhere podcasts are sold but also midnight-pals.simplecast.com

[01:16:29] you can reach the show itself in a myriad of different ways my personal favorite is the

[01:16:34] telephone that's 314-246-9766 314 ahoy poo shoot us a text leave us a voicemail whatever you feel like

[01:16:42] you can also shoot us an email jason at the number four the number eight minutes of dogs barking.com

[01:16:48] or brian with a y at the number four the number eight minutes of dogs barking.com you can also

[01:16:53] join the patreon patreon.com slash four eight minutes dogs just like our new norwegian friend

[01:17:00] quasi quack who joined us at the ten dollar level just this week he wants to see that puke video he

[01:17:06] does he does he does he got folks you got until the end of the year we do indeed so yes you really

[01:17:10] gotta start promoting this how many people we have at the ten dollar level i believe we have four

[01:17:15] so we're getting there we can get there so you get yourself not only the regular episodes which we

[01:17:22] release several hours before the main feed depending on how late i'm up the night before

[01:17:27] that's going to be wednesday mornings for the rest of you and you get yourself thanks i hate it

[01:17:32] we get the mind zone you get whatever it else is that we feel like putting out there and of course

[01:17:39] as brian alluded to if you get in before the end of the year you have until

[01:17:44] september 31st you're going to get yourself a an exclusive 90 minute commentary track on the

[01:17:49] japanese puke finish video gero monster home delivery and boy i'm looking forward to that

[01:17:55] yeah and i also want i want all of our listeners know the next week on the patreon hassan piker is

[01:18:01] coming on no no no and he's telling us how to make chlorine gas

[01:18:10] that is not actionable right okay so and by in minecraft in minecraft if you want to get in on

[01:18:17] that that's patreon.com slash four eight minutes of dogs dogs dogs well that about does for the show

[01:18:26] as we always say at this time namaste good luck eat the knife and hey 25th amendment now yay yay i hope

[01:18:34] everyone got everyone they wanted for election day

[01:18:36] you