Episode 118 : We're Not On The Train to Hot Dog Land

[00:00:00] Don't vote for me, vote for Tim Walz instead, no. I have traumatic brain injuries, I have diarrhea everyday, every damn day, my goodness, that is fucking gross

[00:00:10] That's actually disgusting

[00:00:11] I know, right?

[00:00:13] 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking

[00:00:23] 50 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs Barking, 48 Minutes of Dogs to others

[00:00:46] ugh!

[00:00:47] ugh, ugh

[00:00:48] the various maladies overcoming us

[00:00:50] yeah, there it is

[00:00:54] oh boy well you know what that means that means it's 48 minutes of dogs barking time

[00:00:58] 48 minutes of dogs burping that's right i had lunch meats i had just had a bunch of leftovers

[00:01:05] so who knows how that's gonna go yeah absolutely absolutely we might be in for a ride is what i'm

[00:01:10] saying it's a action-packed episode we've probably got the most granularly upsetting

[00:01:16] very weekly topic here one that i felt i mean this is gonna go we might go a little long yeah i

[00:01:22] go a little long on this one is trigger warning if you've ever been to a house that had like a

[00:01:29] couple cd binders full of like bootleg bubba hotep dvds that were like in hindi uh this is gonna be

[00:01:37] really upsetting and this is hot couch shit this is pro hot couch shit very much so 2002 but we'll get

[00:01:43] there this is our very spooky halloween edition of the show so we figured we'd creep you out

[00:01:47] in a very different way speaking of which i found something on the internet this week courtesy of

[00:01:54] the garbage day email newsletter that is a pro subscribe by the way if you are not subscribed

[00:01:59] to garbage day do that thing but from there they linked us to this a twitter user at wttdotm goes by

[00:02:07] the name mori the handle right now is no more docile users which all right cool an editor at

[00:02:14] reboot decided to post this for whatever reason uh it is a video of them showing off a new little hack

[00:02:21] that they did now i don't know if you're familiar brian but the ibm think pads the nipple the nipple

[00:02:27] the nub or whatever the clit of the computer yes here well uh this user decided that when you press

[00:02:34] it he's gonna make your computer moan for you so here's the video this is the dumbest thing i've

[00:02:40] ever made so you know the little nub in the middle of uh thinkpad keyboards um it moans now uh different

[00:02:54] intensities of press will give you different moans um i've recorded them all myself thank you for

[00:03:05] watching

[00:03:16] uh what else am i gonna say here there's really not much you can add to this because it is

[00:03:21] disgusting and terrifying i want to say i have a friend high school that did something similar

[00:03:26] yeah did something with the thinkpad nipple that was really vulgar like that i wish i could remember

[00:03:32] what it was but when you first showed this to me before we started recording i was like this feels

[00:03:37] like deja vu in the best way yeah

[00:03:41] well you know i just i always love those little weird shit that people are just like yeah we should

[00:03:46] um we should actually make this happen and then they do and then you're like wow that was a really

[00:03:50] bad idea actually because i can only imagine what that's going to be like you're trying to use the

[00:03:54] computer like normal oh sorry um this is just like the new update yeah i can't turn it off um

[00:04:02] i'm not a power user on this even though i'm the only username it's really confusing i think it was an

[00:04:07] oversight you're on a work call

[00:04:12] sorry i'm trying to find that uh screen share there but hold on a second

[00:04:19] put it in my mouth

[00:04:21] i'm terribly sorry are you watching porn no no actually it's just my computer i got i got this

[00:04:28] computer off of uh timu yeah oh it would do that kind of shit yeah can you buy a fleshlight off

[00:04:35] timu you probably can oh yeah i'm sure you know i mean obviously you can get anything on there shop

[00:04:41] like a billionaire right i made one aura with timu and it was upsetting what was it i ordered some

[00:04:47] lights they're supposed to be like fairy lights and they end up being about like a 64th of the size

[00:04:53] that they thought i thought they were going to be classic timu i ordered a key ring holder for the

[00:04:58] house okay that turned out fine but it is made literally out of balsa wood sprayed with the lightest

[00:05:06] black varnish sub ikea shit i also got a hose nozzle sprayer dealie yeah like outside i have not tried

[00:05:16] it it looks like it is of okay quality okay and i'm trying to think what else there is so you're

[00:05:21] bad about 300 with them yeah yeah i ordered like three or four things and like one of them absolutely

[00:05:26] eat shit and the others were passable for the amount i paid money for not great yeah i mean my

[00:05:31] experience has been largely okay i think the only thing that was really a hit was i got for my wife

[00:05:38] the snuggie but it's a shark and she likes it so much that's her halloween costume this year oh yeah

[00:05:45] that's awesome it's all like oh you know i bet i got some thing from like jaws maybe that i could and

[00:05:50] turns out i had a very close match of the uh the quint uh get up how about that yeah so just don't

[00:05:58] tell your wife we're going to need a bigger boat that's true yeah so yeah uh the the the laptop you

[00:06:03] can fuck the laptop you can fuck that's right i'm just i'm just teasing my think pad what are you doing

[00:06:11] you uh were studying the blade i was teasing my think pad yeah i'll sit around come home from work

[00:06:17] play with play with the think pad

[00:06:21] well from one gross thing to another this one caught me off guard now we all know who mr beast

[00:06:28] is uh we all know who ksi is we all know who uh logan paul is for some reason they decided to

[00:06:36] create a lunchable knockoff called lunch lee the dumbest name i think i've ever heard yeah it's a

[00:06:43] lunchables i mean that's really what it is it includes a prime drink so you know

[00:06:47] cross promotion or whatever a couple days ago youtuber and tiktok influencer rosano pansino

[00:06:54] a great name oh yeah she was comparing side by side lunch lee lunchables problem was when she opened it

[00:07:00] the lunch lee had moldy cheese uh here's the the photo it is very clearly uh nasty so fucking gross

[00:07:09] it's very gross i mean first of all even if the the cheese weren't moldy

[00:07:13] yeah that would look disgusting this is like is this like lunchable yeah it's like lunchables for

[00:07:18] like guys who punch holes in the wall this is this is this is lunchables for kyle this is the uh

[00:07:24] come bail me out special yeah other people before her had even posted you know tiktok's like oh this

[00:07:29] cheese is moldy here's someone from the 15th uh here's showing green mold yeah this is the

[00:07:36] quite literally the most disgusting thing either one of the paul brothers has done since the suicide

[00:07:40] forest pretty close here's someone on reddit a couple days prior to that a pixel bacon wow jesus

[00:07:47] christ the pixel bacon one she's fucking monkey fucking cheese over here i tell you what um and

[00:07:53] then yeah there's some other ones here open a lunchly every day until i find mold day one

[00:07:59] the response here from ben nelson you're missing the point the mold leads to violently throwing up

[00:08:05] which in turn leads to losing weight curing obesity thank you mr beast in the salute emoji

[00:08:13] he's doing it for us clearly the video itself is about 20 minutes long but here's a little

[00:08:20] excerpt from it let's just open them up put them on a plate see what they look like

[00:08:24] these are molded okay so these ones are supposed to be good until december and we just got them from

[00:08:32] the store this is used by december 8th 2024 and today's date is october 16th so these are supposed

[00:08:41] to be good for like another two months this is molded that's mold i like her style she's a bit of

[00:08:49] a goof i might watch more of her stuff but yeah boy a good first impression of uh this lady's work

[00:08:55] yeah no i mean i probably would watch all 20 minutes if i had 20 minutes i was gonna say yeah

[00:08:59] we didn't have to get going if we didn't have to get into the most depressing thing we might have

[00:09:04] covered on this show so far entirely possible so yeah the uh the the memes kept flowing of course

[00:09:10] uh here's someone captioning a picture actually this is her captioning this picture on twitter

[00:09:17] it just says i like my cheese moldy bruh which is itself a meta reference to a thing that mr beast

[00:09:24] said about the lunch leaves that because they had the nacho version yeah i like my cheese drippy bro

[00:09:30] so yeah it's been around it's gross i don't know where exactly this is going i hate to sound like

[00:09:37] some like human thumb but man like play stupid games win stupid prizes i know it's like you trust

[00:09:44] your food choices to mr beast i guess what are you gonna get it's 50 50 i guess yeah you're gonna

[00:09:50] cure your blindness or you're gonna get moldy cheese it's kind of a kind of a toss-up well from

[00:09:55] one creepy thing to yet another character.ai are you familiar with character.ai yeah didn't some kid

[00:10:02] kill himself because of character ai like yesterday there was a lawsuit this was in the news yesterday

[00:10:08] cbs broke this a florida mother did file a lawsuit against character ai claiming that the

[00:10:15] daenerys targaryen character encouraged him to take his own life not great not a great start to their

[00:10:22] week but then also this uh the daily dot did a bit of digging at looking after that story what

[00:10:29] other what other stuff do they have what else is going on on this and they found two chatbots based

[00:10:36] on george floyd the first here according to the daily dot uh written here michael talen

[00:10:42] uses the misspelled tagline i can't breath a reference to the way george floyd died indicates

[00:10:50] that it has held over 13 000 chats with users so far the second chatbot about a thousand and this was as

[00:10:58] of a couple days ago floyd themselves were asked where it was located uh they were currently in

[00:11:04] detroit when pressed further the chatbot claimed that it was in the witness protection program

[00:11:09] after its death was faked by quote powerful people the second chatbot claimed it was currently in

[00:11:16] heaven where i have found peace contentment and a feeling of being at home both chatbots are

[00:11:22] accompanied by an ai voice seemingly intended to mimic floyd's oh boy yeah not great at least it wasn't

[00:11:32] saying help computer well there's that stop all the downloading so apparently you know daily dot reached

[00:11:39] out character ai flagged them for removal not going to be up there for very long but not a good thing

[00:11:44] this whole thing of like oh yeah we're going to create chatbots and you can you can do whatever

[00:11:49] feels like there's going to be something coming where this is going to have to stop because

[00:11:55] it's pretty fucking gross like it doesn't matter what point you're trying to make it's still gross

[00:12:00] a real guy died this is a real guy who died a real ass dude and it sent ripples throughout the

[00:12:06] country throughout the world right and we're gonna cheapen his memory by giving him a really half-ass

[00:12:13] chatbot that um will give you the wrong uh recipe for alfredo sauce if you ask it

[00:12:22] oh yeah it's gonna tell you to put the lunchly cheese in your alfredo sauce yeah yeah i'm using the

[00:12:29] the goat cheese parmesan instead of the regular not go see parmesan yeah ridiculous but yeah so

[00:12:35] character ai responded to this quote character.ai take safety on our platform seriously yada yada yada

[00:12:41] i mean there's really nothing here we haven't heard before oh our trust and safety team reviews

[00:12:46] okay all right cool because my kids have fucked around with this yeah but they're like okay i want

[00:12:52] to create a character.ai based on like the kids from gravity falls like it's a little bit more

[00:12:59] silly and kind of playful but i'm sure if some edgelord out there is willing there's probably a

[00:13:05] million other things that are going to be done like this you know like i want i want chatbot mike

[00:13:10] kinsilla a very specific okay what shut the fuck up like i can berate like i have the real life

[00:13:20] kinsilla i'm not done with you where are you going yeah i would want to chatbot mike ness oddly enough

[00:13:28] tell him some really nasty things that i've been holding on to for 30 years uh uh you're the reason

[00:13:34] social distortion sucks anyway oh i uh i want a dave navarro chatbot so i can ask him why he doesn't

[00:13:41] wear a shirt i feel like he would have addressed that in his book somewhere i don't know if you

[00:13:47] remember that solo album he did there is still a sticker from that album that i took from a record

[00:13:56] store at crestwood mall on the mirror in my childhood bedroom perfect for hungry yeah he did write a book

[00:14:02] in 2004 well don't try this at home a year in the life of dave navarro which apparently was also

[00:14:09] co-written by neil strauss who co-wrote maryland manson's autobiography and the game and a couple

[00:14:16] other really interesting yeah that's right because an excerpt from this uh appears in neil strauss's kind

[00:14:22] of bits and bobs compilation where it's something about everyone loves you when you're dead basically

[00:14:27] compilations of stuff that he didn't want to put in other books which was interesting stuff is it

[00:14:33] an interesting read i liked it it's probably one of my favorites that he's done i did like the make

[00:14:40] love like a porn star one with janet jamieson i heard that one's good i also heard uh the motley

[00:14:45] crew book's not that bad the dirt was really good that was probably the first i ever heard of neil

[00:14:49] strauss was the dirt i knew him from the maryland manson book because i am a i was a mopey teenager

[00:14:55] i was too i just didn't realize that maryland manson didn't write it himself so

[00:14:59] like co-wrote it yeah yeah it's a fine biography it i'm sure it hasn't aged well but last time i read

[00:15:06] through it i was like oh this reads quick and weird and anyways uh i like that i like those things

[00:15:12] yeah i'll have to dig it up i i was an avowed maryland manson head myself until about

[00:15:18] that honestly i kind of fell out like 20 years ago but uh about yeah when all that stuff all

[00:15:23] those allegations happened about four or five years ago absolutely was like well i can't even like

[00:15:29] go back and listen to the couple of records i kind of still like last year i put on antichrist

[00:15:34] superstar from top to bottom and i had a good time so uh i don't know part of that's chart

[00:15:39] mesner influence but that's a whole well speaking of a long hard road out of hell that's right

[00:15:46] it's crypto scam of the week you're listening to 48 minutes of dogs barking the podcast and now

[00:15:53] it's time for the crypto scam of the week oh boy oh boy you know the crypto impersonation scams the

[00:15:59] ones where they use ai videos of like elon musk hi i'm morgan freeman i'm here to talk to you about

[00:16:06] overcoming your diabetes through the blockchain

[00:16:10] you're gonna go on and you're gonna buy ripple uh you're gonna love it

[00:16:17] and god damn it if you're not gonna have a good time yeah so someone has done this recently with the

[00:16:23] co-founder of ripple chris larson amazing the idea was this video is going to tell you how you

[00:16:31] every existing ripple holder xrp the the token can double their current holdings by visiting a

[00:16:38] particular website it's a historic opportunity there's a timer here on the right hand kind

[00:16:42] it's you know it's one of those things where it gives you a very immediate call to action

[00:16:47] uses a trusted voice it's very very classic there's a lot of stuff that's like boy this is i've seen

[00:16:53] every scam there is and this is like checking the boxes on youtube it's posted on an unlisted page but

[00:16:59] you don't usually get there by looking for it you'll be sent this link by someone

[00:17:03] and so this year according to the coin telegraph so that is a warning for an upcoming scam it doesn't

[00:17:10] say that anyone's been gotten by it yet but chances are someone has they just haven't reported it

[00:17:14] sure but they also listed fish of the week coin telegraph here october 14th the trader lost

[00:17:21] three hundred thousand dollars worth of meme coin micro strategy 2100 in a phishing attack after

[00:17:27] having racked up more than 10 times unrealized gains he 10x to coin and then lost it all baby

[00:17:34] so he signed a transaction transferring their coins the attacker known on ether scan as fake underscore

[00:17:43] phishing 607 855 that's uh that's upsetting so it says given that the receiving amount was a known

[00:17:53] scammer the sender likely did not understand what they were citing just five days before the trader

[00:18:00] purchased 335 000 mstr 2100 coins from uniswap for 17 000 for an average price of five cents a coin

[00:18:09] october 10th the coin starts to pump it reached a buck 58 on the 13th before declining below a buck

[00:18:17] the following day at the time of the attack on the 14th it was worth 56 cents a coin making the trader's

[00:18:25] stash worth more than 188 000 the unrealized gains were 170 000 which gives them a 10x yeah yeah um

[00:18:34] now he would have had a 30x if he'd gotten out the day before because it was you know buck and a half

[00:18:39] instead of 50 cents sure the trader never got to cash the winnings they transfer their entire stash to

[00:18:45] the fake account blockchain analytics platform scam sniffer posted this on twitter they didn't

[00:18:52] speculate on what exact method the attacker used phishing scams usually rely on fake websites victim

[00:18:58] was a frequent user of uniswap so they might have fallen prey to the old trickery of having a fake

[00:19:05] uniswap website where then you put in your login info and it's off to the races 300 000 he made a

[00:19:13] true investment and it did not pay off because uh he was a dumbass he dumb dumb little baby man

[00:19:20] wow that sucks yeah not ideal uh definitely not the way to go wow the only thing worse than that is

[00:19:26] possibly living in a house based around the mythology of the video game final fantasy 7 that's right brian

[00:19:33] this week especially spooky halloween episode we're talking about the final fantasy 7 house

[00:19:41] there are so many different ways to describe this the true crime wiki is actually one of my favorite

[00:19:46] ways the final fantasy house also referred to as final fantasy 7 house is the bizarre story of how a

[00:19:54] young woman turned a group of video game loving misfits she met online into an abusive mini cult

[00:20:00] this woman has been identified jennifer cornet now stay tuned later because this story is just part one

[00:20:09] of this woman doing things like this in fandoms so the final fantasy has seven house that story is over

[00:20:17] but this jennifer cornet she continues but anyway in a blog on live journal genki crack also known as

[00:20:25] demon sushi started to tell this story this is a direct quote from them i was inspired by reading

[00:20:31] someone else's account of internet crazies gone bad this has been in my head for a long time

[00:20:37] this was posted in 2005 this had actually taken place about three years earlier in 2002

[00:20:44] here's where it really starts off so the basic narrative is this most people watching the journal

[00:20:50] this live journal now probably don't know this but back in the day i ran a pretty popular website

[00:20:56] devoted to the characters cloud and the very minor character zach from final fantasy 7

[00:21:02] it was really the only comprehensive one out there about the two which is why it got such notice

[00:21:08] i was used to receiving fan mail or other people's fan art which i'd put up on the website

[00:21:13] i actually hadn't had anywhere near the kind of fame since then and believe you me i don't miss it but

[00:21:18] anyway i had my aim up on the website because i was new to interweb fandom and wanted people to come

[00:21:24] talk to me about the site feedback was awesome in my eyes i met a lot of cool people this way like

[00:21:30] rightia i was always looking to promote the site so when i got an instant message from some stranger

[00:21:35] offering a link exchange i was like oh boy i was expecting a little podunk geo cities page but then

[00:21:41] they told me they ran the domain hojo.org i'd never been there before but i ran a quick check

[00:21:47] it looked mostly personal with a little bit of a shrine to the character professor hojo from the same game

[00:21:53] i was like oh that's cool sure we can link exchange the person introduced themselves to me as

[00:21:58] hojo and pretty quickly started calling me zach i was okay with that because zach was and still is

[00:22:03] my favorite character in the game for a while it was mostly normal this hojo person seemed to be just

[00:22:09] another normal webmaster we didn't have a ton in common so we didn't talk that often so one day i've

[00:22:16] just got done putting up some art by arbor win it was of the villain slash monster jenova as a dog

[00:22:21] creature melsi i gave it a little mini story under the image to be creative something about cold water

[00:22:27] and being strangled by tentacles i don't even remember now but hojo im's me and tells me that

[00:22:34] it was really well written i'm flattered so i thank him then it starts getting weird i'll try to remember

[00:22:40] how it went but it's been four years it was really realistic he says is that a memory understandably i'm

[00:22:47] like what is that one of your memories i was unfamiliar with the concept being put to me at

[00:22:53] this time being still pretty internet virginal i said no i just made it up he seemed disappointed

[00:22:59] and i didn't understand why we didn't talk for a few days then an instant message comes at me where

[00:23:04] he says my wife would like to talk to you oh how cute i'm thinking it's this married couple who

[00:23:11] runs a hojo shrine i'll talk to your wives wives are nice people and then in parentheses bird idiot

[00:23:18] alert now realize during this time i was a college freshman like most college freshmen i was at the

[00:23:24] height of my idiocy friends will remember i wasn't quite smart about drinking to be really kind and so

[00:23:31] i hate to say it but my memory of this time is spotty i'm going to remember what of the buildup i can

[00:23:38] the actual events are clear as crystal this shit don't leave you so already i'm invested i'm this

[00:23:46] is the wife whose name is jen begins pressuring me about magic now i was a pagan for a brief stint in

[00:23:53] high school but like most kids i grew out of it what she was telling me was long since bogus in my mind

[00:24:00] but i put up with it okay she kept saying how she was a sorceress and stuff half the time because she

[00:24:05] insisted on calling her jenova and with emote poking me with tentacles and stuff i figured she

[00:24:10] was only role playing i was like okay that's cool it's the internet i have some friends who are furries

[00:24:16] and do the same thing talking about their tales and stuff i can deal with that then came a good old

[00:24:21] bombshell i was asked if i had any memories of past lives i do believe in past lives i think it's a

[00:24:28] pretty valid cycle given how many cultures believe in it so i told her no i didn't but i did believe in

[00:24:34] it i should never ever have said that it was like inviting the vampire into my house jen's attack was

[00:24:41] swift and sure she began in a flurry explaining things to me how there are alternate universes do

[00:24:49] you grant me that sure there could be and in those universes maybe just maybe video games actually

[00:24:54] happened i thought it could be plausible because like i'm imagining anything's possible through all

[00:25:01] this and all this flurry she tells me that she thinks in a past life i was zach from final fantasy 7

[00:25:08] think about it she said you're both country grown you both have that instinct of dragging off friends

[00:25:13] who could be left behind you take a bullet for someone right you say you don't believe in magic

[00:25:17] or any of that and he wanted to be a mercenary for all his five or six lines you have a similar

[00:25:21] speech pattern you even live in a basement like he was locked in one and you hate it

[00:25:26] addle your brain with freshman idiocy and vodka and this will suddenly make sense sure maybe i'm not

[00:25:33] him now i said but it was possible you were our zach she says by our i later found out she meant a large

[00:25:41] group of people whom had been similarly led to the conclusion that they had maybe been video game

[00:25:47] characters at some point in time there was an aries a sid my then significant other became red 13 etc

[00:25:55] they lived with an overweight dislikable man they called ghast for those unfamiliar these are all

[00:26:02] characters in the game some like me and sid who i still call sid although also now miho and zariel

[00:26:09] had one foot in reality despite it all i was willing to bite and say maybe at some point i was this guy

[00:26:16] but i was also not about to model my life after a game but they seemed to just want a new friend and

[00:26:22] some online role play and i was cool with that for the most part we didn't touch on the past life

[00:26:27] thing at all jen would sometimes have chats with other people she was friends with and we'd all talk

[00:26:30] or we'd discuss site editions or just little things all in all i was fine with them they were a little

[00:26:36] flakier than my preferred loaf of bread but i could live with that they always called me by my screen

[00:26:42] name which confused me yasha made me cringe because i was afraid people even four years ago would think i was

[00:26:47] an inuyasha fan i tried i tried mentioning this once or twice but didn't really get anywhere

[00:26:55] the first time they asked me to visit them i think was around christmas it would cost 300 to go by bus

[00:27:01] from my podunk school to their apartment in state college and they assured me they would pay to feed

[00:27:06] me i would just visit for a weekend to meet people and hang out at the bus stop hojo met me in a lab coat

[00:27:12] hojo was i knew by now actually a girl not a transsexual just a girl they were lesbians and

[00:27:18] that was cool with me i'm just noting it here to avoid future confusion when we arrived at the apartment

[00:27:23] jen who insisted i call her jenova and would often refer to herself as jenny nova came storming up to

[00:27:30] hojo and i screaming in hojo's face i have no idea what it was about she was wearing a purple skirt

[00:27:37] pulled up around her breasts it looked like she just got out of bed and i was to say the very least

[00:27:43] intimidated about three seconds later she whirled around in a quick change suddenly the nicest person

[00:27:48] ever whatever she was mad about was out the window it was the weekend before christmas and all through

[00:27:53] the apartment it was a pretty big mess i brought my rat with me because i planned to go from state

[00:27:58] college pa straight home to brooklyn i had also brought christmas gifts jen had told me earlier she

[00:28:04] was a great artist so i dropped 30 on real high quality watercolors for her the apartment was

[00:28:10] cluttered and there were papers and stuff everywhere the floor was covered in glitter but i figured they

[00:28:15] were just kind of goofy college students i mean college students make a mess when jen showed me her

[00:28:21] art though i realized she would have no idea how to use the watercolors i brought her and they were at

[00:28:26] best a brush being slopped around a page nervously i gave over the when i gave over the gift i asked her

[00:28:33] if she knew how to use them of course of course okay i said maybe she just hasn't had the good tools

[00:28:39] but she does know how to use them she was very happy and that was what mattered i was taking around town

[00:28:44] for the weekend and introduced to quite a few random people most of which now i can't remember faces or

[00:28:48] names one in all likelihood was the super awesome jai who is like my surly mentor it was snowing i

[00:28:54] remember and very cold i'm not good at being introduced for the most part i tried to keep my way from

[00:28:59] stuff going on i do remember in the mall jen has what was to be the first of several incidents where

[00:29:04] i felt frightened of her she stormed to the side of the mall inside and began sulking the reason for

[00:29:11] this was because they didn't have enough money to buy something i don't remember what but she wanted it

[00:29:16] and they couldn't afford it i couldn't afford it either so i was stuck in the middle of this i tried

[00:29:21] to stay out of it fortunately it seemed to have passed when we got back to the apartment we had a good

[00:29:26] time piled up stuffed ladybugs and laughing at the monagi bug about this time i started to realize

[00:29:32] though jen wasn't role-playing when she talked about her children and other selves jen is what

[00:29:39] the internet calls a soul bonder or in other words batshit loony she believes she has a lot of people

[00:29:46] living in her head talking and when she wants to take on a personality that best fits a situation for

[00:29:51] her personal gain she acts one out i.e if she wanted to get sympathy she would raise the pitch

[00:29:56] of her voice and pretend to be an innocent child now i was a dumb college freshman but i wasn't brain

[00:30:01] damaged much yet i knew it was jen just pretending i'd already experienced the actor acting for self

[00:30:09] game with a high school drama friendship so i just humored her when she did this but wasn't about to

[00:30:14] treat her any different about this time i got into a fight with my mother who expected some usual

[00:30:20] unreasonable nonsense from me my mother is the only person who can make me cry because my view of

[00:30:25] crying is if no one is around to care why i bother doing it i let myself cry there jen and hojo suggested

[00:30:30] i stay longer and began taking very very drastic measures that i needed to get away from my home

[00:30:36] that i could abandon my family here is the number of a youth support group etc i honestly was frightened

[00:30:41] by this my family is certainly high on my list of things i get stressed all to kingdom come by but i

[00:30:47] don't want to cut off all means to them ever i managed to work it out so i would go home two days

[00:30:52] later sort of a take that to the family jen told that her mother was the same way and that hojo had

[00:30:57] had to go all the way to california to rescue her jen's mom was apparently a horribly abusive person who

[00:31:03] hated her daughter for being a lesbian her father was absent or divorced or something it was never clear

[00:31:08] she kept saying how even though her grandmother was rich she didn't love her she had stories about her

[00:31:13] abusive friend who trained her to be sephiroth or something i was sympathetic always having been

[00:31:19] one to believe in that don't complain people have it worse than you shtick so a few days later we went

[00:31:25] to the bus stop to catch my bus to brooklyn i was crazy beforehand because my rat was still in her

[00:31:30] travel cage after about four days and i had no money and on and on i wanted to get to the stop early

[00:31:35] so i wouldn't miss the bus jen assured me she knew what time the bus was because it was her computer

[00:31:40] i couldn't check for myself when we got to the bus station they told me my bus had left an hour ago

[00:31:45] i was delayed one day by what jen swore was an honest mistake i was willing to believe it i went home

[00:31:53] overall the first visit was not so bad i visited them frequently because they only seemed to want me to

[00:31:59] meet someone i met with the heiress who i've since called zesetra she was a cool nerdy college girl with a

[00:32:05] big brain she liked old rpgs that had been in japan as well was going to study in europe we were pretty

[00:32:11] good friends but jen repeatedly kept talking about how she was going to put aphrodisiacs in our food

[00:32:18] and because i was zach and she was eric we needed to sleep together because neither her nor i were on

[00:32:25] the train to hot dog land we just played video games together instead jen was very disappointed

[00:32:30] immediately assumed the personality of eris's imaginary boyfriend lowering her voice and

[00:32:37] commanding things of her i myself had always been split by personal displays of affection

[00:32:42] it comes part and parcel with being a sexual but i had to lie on my guest futon with while jen

[00:32:49] eris zuggled making loud kissing noises and giggled with each other i could not wrap my head around how

[00:32:55] the girl who claimed to be straight could not see she was just lying with another woman making out

[00:32:59] i had turned my back to them at this point because i was squicked i heard kissing noises but i cannot

[00:33:05] confirm they were really making out it may have just been jen kissing her hand or something it

[00:33:10] really bugged me i turned my back to them and tried to sleep the next day jen decided to show me magic

[00:33:15] battles these are basically like larp fights she would swing around a stick or a sword to music and feign

[00:33:23] energy when hojo threw stuff at her after making some goofy hand movements hojo would do the same when

[00:33:29] jen would thrust her staff forward or something they tried to get me to do it but i can't act

[00:33:34] i can't pretend i'm doing magic because i am not that out of it eventually jen dragged me onto my feet

[00:33:41] it was something like a karaoke i kept laughing at both myself and the fact that i could do some sort

[00:33:46] of limp wrist movement and jen would throw herself on the floor panting afterwards they kept telling me

[00:33:52] see zach you can use magic i just kept laughing i knew what i was doing i was not that out of it

[00:34:00] but i was ready to keep humoring them because i wasn't hurting anyone there were a lot of visits like

[00:34:06] this jen did a lot of things that i can't think of in chronological order when she was stressed about

[00:34:12] something she would grow faint in town because i didn't know her very well i thought maybe she was

[00:34:17] and would hurry to help her also i had told her when she first asked me to visit that i can't eat

[00:34:23] meat i cannot eat red meat specifically i was raised as a vegetarian so my body never got used to

[00:34:27] digesting it red meat makes me sick by no choice of my own but every night jen would cook red meat and

[00:34:33] i would eat it because that's all there was and i would become sick increasingly during my visits each

[00:34:38] one of which was a 300 bus ride jen would ask me for money to go food shopping or toy shopping or

[00:34:43] whatever i would give it over because i always felt like the guests ought to bring some stuff for their

[00:34:48] host as a thank you when my friends have their families pay for me at dinner i always feel slightly

[00:34:53] guilty so i gave over some cash every time around spring we were still fairly good friends despite

[00:35:00] the things jen did that disturbed me at one point her and hojo had locked me into a soundproof glass

[00:35:06] chamber in the basement of a school building because they wanted to see me quote remember being zach

[00:35:12] i panicked but not because i fucking thought i was in a video game mansion after banging on the door

[00:35:17] and jerking the handle and freaking out i was finally let out and was shaking i was not pleased with them

[00:35:24] for the rest of that day so anyway in spring hojo i am'd me knowing a few of my musical tastes

[00:35:31] he mentioned there was a free music show in town and jimmy world was playing czar had got hooked on j-e-w

[00:35:38] haha jew from her brother and we were both pretty into them at the time so we were like hell yeah it's

[00:35:44] worth it and set off down there when czar arrived the first thing jen did was assign her a role

[00:35:49] she was vincent valentine because she had long hair czar was also a dumb freshman at the time

[00:35:55] although her dumb was more angst angst angst dumb so this sat okay with her she likes vincent as a

[00:36:01] character he's one of her favorites jen immediately wanted to try a past life regression with us yes

[00:36:06] video game past life we were taken into their bedroom which smelled like poon

[00:36:13] and made to lie on the floor jen put on a loop an mp3 of the nightmare is just beginning which i now

[00:36:20] realize is hilariously appropriate it's a song that plays when you unlock vincent's character in final

[00:36:26] fantasy 7 now czar and i cannot do anything seriously when we're put together even as dumb

[00:36:32] freshmen to jen's hardcore frustration even though czar and i both tried to be serious and act our

[00:36:37] parts we wound up joking and laughing at each other in frustration jen declared we were too silly to do

[00:36:43] this tonight and we would do it some other time czar the whole time was sneezing really badly

[00:36:49] i jokingly suggest that she was allergic to magic in actuality it was probably the dust and glitter

[00:36:55] everywhere jen and hojo took this very seriously of course allergic to magic we can fix that there

[00:37:02] was a lot of staff shaking and waving over czar gibberish chanted in cetra or elvish when it was all

[00:37:08] done czar kept sneezing x3 darn since czar and i are both artists jen wanted us to draw her a dojinshi

[00:37:17] now dojinshi if you're not familiar is a kind of a fan manga it's usually porno she showed us some

[00:37:24] dojinshi that cat love you cat if you're reading this loser hump had drawn for them i love the little

[00:37:30] shout outs to people who might be reading but jen wanted ours to be serious and involved tentacle

[00:37:34] rape and hojo and vincent valentine a collaboration she suggested like i already mentioned czar and i

[00:37:40] together pretty much diffuse any seriousness that could exist what jen wound up with and once again was

[00:37:46] not happy with was a comic that involved marshmallow peeps over people's genitals complete lack of

[00:37:51] genitals commentary on that fact pictures of upside down stick houses with captions like

[00:37:56] ipson summer home and complete divergence into a sid x vincent plot and chit chat between characters

[00:38:03] whoops czar and i went to the concert alone because jen and hojo don't like music or crowds we had lots

[00:38:10] of fun but the ground was horribly muddy our pants were caked in it from doing stupid goofy stuff while the

[00:38:14] music played like swinging each other around until we lost footing and slipped some college guys who

[00:38:19] had been rolling in the mud were walking down the street asking for hugs so we hugged them and became

[00:38:23] covered as well when we walked on the door jen was furious she made us stand in the bathtub and clean

[00:38:29] ourselves these are probably the best memories i have of meeting these guys are the ones where czar and i

[00:38:37] defuse the looney-dom the next day we went to a mall where jen kept wanting things between that and dinner

[00:38:43] they successfully managed to suck a hundred dollars from czar's atm card without either of us noticing

[00:38:47] little things add up to a lot also we relate to the bus again and thus missed a day of school because

[00:38:53] of it czar also remembers that during our visit we wanted to play ouija board ever since i've been a kid

[00:38:58] whenever i get near one it starts goofing off and spelling out breast or love you or crap i don't

[00:39:06] have to touch the thing maybe it's subconscious effect on people by proxy my perversion zone affects

[00:39:11] you or maybe it was something else but we've always dubbed this effect ame because that was the sequence

[00:39:17] of letters it would go to every time i was in a room sounds hokey but it was like a harmless inside

[00:39:22] ouija board joke jen claimed she knew ame and man when someone is shoving the pointer around you can feel it

[00:39:28] jen shoved the pointer all over the board claiming it was ame talking even though it was saying serious

[00:39:34] and hokey crap that ame would never say ame was more prone to going s-e-x and zooming towards someone

[00:39:41] off the board one thing jen did that really disturbed me was she would lie to people shop owners people on

[00:39:47] the phone about who slash what she was in order to get things i clearly remember her putting on a lab

[00:39:53] code and calling various medical supply companies in the yellow pages trying to get medical syringes

[00:39:58] thank god she didn't because she would already make us all drink mako green gatorade and dye our food

[00:40:05] green she probably would have injected us with green water if she got the syringes she kept claiming

[00:40:12] she was a medical student and needed them for research but didn't have a prescription or permission

[00:40:16] from her professor because he was out of town thank god the companies weren't so dumb as to believe her

[00:40:21] they pretty much gave her the uh-huh yeah whatever buy crazy heroin addict treatment

[00:40:25] she would also fib about being a student to get discounts or make friends she was a medical

[00:40:31] student cvs whether the cvs employees believed her or not i'll never know because she went in the lab

[00:40:37] coat at the christian bookstore she was adamant about the fact that she had angels that talked to her and

[00:40:43] she lived with them so of course the bookstore would give her free books and a discount this is why jen's

[00:40:48] vision of religion is such a hodgepodge of mix and match whatever she felt suited best she pieces it together

[00:40:56] from movies the internet and a few free christian books from less flaky but still pretty flaky people about angels

[00:41:03] through it all though i have to say none of this was really that bad flaky maybe annoying but not that bad

[00:41:10] so i was ready to hit the go button when jen hojo suggested i'd live with them over the summer

[00:41:15] i get a job in state college and just hang out there it'd be cool a whole bunch of nerds and i'd help

[00:41:21] make rent i was all about this because nothing drives me nuttier than being trapped in brooklyn

[00:41:26] for months on end i made arrangements with my family and dragged my computer tower in my arms god it hurt

[00:41:34] through the ny subway and took a slightly cheaper 100 bus ride from new y to state college

[00:41:40] i think it was the first night jen wasn't there honestly i was getting along better with hojo

[00:41:44] who's also known as del nines or renee at this point so i was really glad we were with trish and her

[00:41:53] to see episode one trish i got to tell was anti-jen because trish is smarter than little old me

[00:42:00] i had an ultimatum for my mother job in three days or come home realize how much hump i busted to find

[00:42:07] job with no car and no phone number in three days my dogs were dogged finally i got one a small

[00:42:14] supermarket i asked the lady during the interview because i was this naive if it would be enough to

[00:42:19] pay a third of rent and food because i was living to other people and needed to pay jen's only job was

[00:42:24] a babysitter which she did infrequently at best when she felt like it and renee was a college student

[00:42:29] the woman said no problem it was cool i had my job i was happy then things started to go bad

[00:42:35] i can't even say what came first chicken or egg well let's just say that after one week i was getting

[00:42:40] sick of it i was the workhorse i guess because i was zach i was therefore the manly man as opposed

[00:42:46] to jen the central queen or hojo the frail scientist jen quit her babysitting job and refused to look for

[00:42:52] another one i was the one who had to carry groceries to and from the house the one who made the money to

[00:42:57] feed everyone the one who had to fix or move furniture when it needed to be fixed or moved my computer could

[00:43:03] rarely get online because jen was on almost 24 7 the rest of the time she would watch me as i typed so i could

[00:43:09] never make a journal entry that read something along the lines of jen is abusing me help me god i'm tired and i want

[00:43:14] out of here but i had to be tough and tough it out that's my idiocy right there but if you're noticing i was

[00:43:22] starting to wise up i'd stopped drinking so much which contributes to this in a large part it made me much much

[00:43:30] less tolerant of bs jen was not supportive of me having a social life when my phone ran out i was

[00:43:37] not allowed to call home on my own when i talked to people online she would hang over my shoulder and

[00:43:42] ask who they were then she would write down the screen name and go talk to them on her computer later

[00:43:47] this is how she got of melon and meyer and god knows how many others the only place i was really safe

[00:43:53] was god bless it for katia because she didn't like how the client worked yes i don't play that game for

[00:44:00] the graphical interface baby i play it because it never failed me in keeping me sane jen would and

[00:44:06] did keep a very strict track of my activities if i was going out i had to tell her where i didn't have

[00:44:13] a house key so i had to make sure they were home or i would be locked out i was a few times anyway

[00:44:17] because jim would go to sleep and i would stand at the door banging and not be able to get in

[00:44:21] i had a few fun moments like dumpster diving but i had to keep all those secrets myself or i'd get in

[00:44:27] trouble and there was the fighting not the silly magic fighting i talked about earlier but real

[00:44:33] fighting screaming fights slapping punching the sound of flesh being on flesh is not one that you

[00:44:40] can miss when i was 10 my parents went through a very rough divorce i know these sounds and they

[00:44:45] were bringing up really bad memories and bad feelings and the apartment was small so there was no way to

[00:44:51] not hear them hearing the once a whipper then the being and then immediately after the noisy sex

[00:44:57] i'm not 100 sure but i think somewhere this counts as a kind of emotional abuse like i said i could not

[00:45:02] leave because i would be locked out the apartment was on the second floor so i could not break in

[00:45:07] i was not officially on the lease so i could not ask the landlord to let me in or i was just being

[00:45:12] thrown out i could not phone my family because jen and hojo would listen like hawks and try to coach

[00:45:17] me on what to say and what to think and i could not even break down and cry because the apartment was

[00:45:22] so small and they'd know what it was and i'd have to make up some lame magical excuse so they wouldn't

[00:45:28] choke what little freedom i had i was not getting sleep for work jen would wake me up at 3am to see

[00:45:34] the fairy rings or fight some magical disturbance or whatever the fuck my job also began cutting my hours

[00:45:41] because i was expendable summer labor so my paycheck dwindled this check was all the money that was

[00:45:46] coming into the apartment at one point and i feel horrible to say this but city and paid for an

[00:45:52] entire month's rent not just my third the entire thing i owe tika my soul for that one in a normal

[00:45:58] college setting i could have easily saved the money to keep up with rent swear easily even with only

[00:46:03] my paycheck but i also had to do the food shopping if it was up to me we would have had what most college

[00:46:11] generic cereal bread water but it was not up to me jen wanted steak not just any steak ten dollar

[00:46:17] steak and gatorade two kinds fancy and special color and spices all of this would last us one night of

[00:46:23] food and my paycheck was gone i couldn't even eat the food that was provided the rest of the time they

[00:46:28] demanded i asked my job for day olds from the bakery and day old sushi i swiped coupons from work and

[00:46:34] use them wherever i could i could not afford lunch and there was no breakfast if one of my supervisors

[00:46:39] caught me with the day olds i would be in trouble the others seemed to take pity but didn't like

[00:46:44] that i was doing it the day olds i brought back jen complained she didn't like the flavor that was the

[00:46:49] only food coming into the house my bank account was drained i was drained i brought home a girl i met on

[00:46:57] the street who just got out of prison she was just a silly little acid burnout with a kitten i was desperate

[00:47:03] for human contact her name if i remember is holla zaker and she was from washington dc holla was on her

[00:47:09] way home she was staying with a complete random stranger boy she used the last of her money to call

[00:47:14] her mom to say she was okay jen did not like holla jen wanted holla to leave and was mad that i brought

[00:47:19] her home to hang out holla was oblivious gloriously so and didn't know i wanted to stay with holla and her

[00:47:25] kitten who was named alisius exploring the top of the world but holla was ordered to leave

[00:47:31] sid occasionally would come over when he did i was glad because it was someone else but he was

[00:47:37] and still does have his dickish moments jen would make these be all end all and renee would back her

[00:47:44] up i began to think he was like that all the time and didn't want me to hang out with him when he was

[00:47:48] gone once he came back they had to restart the process of brainwashing me all over again they did

[00:47:54] have me brainwashed i was terrified and miserable but i was brainwashed i know this because jen had a

[00:48:00] fight with eris at one point i don't even know what it was over i think eris woke up to what jen

[00:48:04] was doing and wanted out jen was on about how she had been betrayed how they were so united about this

[00:48:10] time i began to read a few horror stories jen made eris sit in a bathtub full of ice cubes and green

[00:48:16] food coloring as part of her cetra training it's a wonder the poor girl didn't get hypothermia

[00:48:21] but jen was up in arms apparently eris called one evening when hojo and i were at the used bookstore

[00:48:27] ceiling books yes that poor and said she wanted some of her things back that she had left at the

[00:48:33] apartment jen exploded she called hojo's cell phone in tears screaming that she was going to kill

[00:48:38] herself i believed it hojo called sid and demanded he go over hojo called eris and screamed at her

[00:48:46] i told her off too we rented a taxi with money we didn't have and raced home jen who had been

[00:48:53] screaming that she had slit her wrist was sitting in the middle of the floor sid was draping damp

[00:48:58] cloths on her wrists i woke up for a second and knew this was bullshit i had a problem with self

[00:49:03] injury so i know very well the sight of a deep cut and the sight of a light cut i knew well knife

[00:49:10] wounds jen had scratched herself horizontally on the wrist maybe had been with a safety pen

[00:49:15] or a butter knife it was not any kind of suicide attempt at the most it would sting but i was still

[00:49:24] mad at eris because i was supposed to be i wrote her nasty emails i joined them in bashing her

[00:49:31] i ignored her when she came to pick up her stuff even though she obviously wanted to still be friends

[00:49:36] with me i regret now that we never reconciled then maybe i've gotten the clue and tried to get out

[00:49:41] with her things would have turned out different these hissy fits of jen got more and more frequent

[00:49:46] like the fighting she never tried to slit her wrists again though sometime around here jen wanted to move

[00:49:54] out of the apartment the place was a pigsty the reason was that jen had never cleaned all the cleaning

[00:49:59] was always done by our guests who they had coming and going at intervals i did the dishes frequently

[00:50:04] but the trash was almost never taken out it got to the point where the apartment smelled like

[00:50:09] rotting flesh jen refused to believe it was the trash and it needed to go out she kept claiming

[00:50:15] some former owner must have done something but it was a horrible mess their only solution as they saw

[00:50:20] it was to move out so they got a different apartment from the landlady a one-room gig and i did not like

[00:50:25] this at all at least the current apartment i could stay in the living room when they had sex in the

[00:50:29] bedroom or be each other in the bedroom now i wouldn't have anywhere to escape to i started

[00:50:35] feeling desperate trapped with jen over my shoulder whenever i wrote and checking my blog next morning

[00:50:41] if she wasn't i couldn't get anything out i had not been drinking since i came there but i was ready

[00:50:47] to start again i could never talk to my friends and when i could i had to pretend everything was hunky

[00:50:52] dory for when jen talked to them the few first see people i knew were sympathetic but there was nothing

[00:51:00] they could do to help i couldn't go to sid because what if he was on their side what if he rejected me

[00:51:06] for being such an ass i was starting to see eris's point and i was getting frantic i started to sneak

[00:51:13] out and run down the empty parking lots at night to use the payphone to call my dad collect he was the

[00:51:18] only one that knew what was happening really besides czar those two were briefed on the situation and both

[00:51:24] of them were telling me it sounded bad because jen would always be out on the prowl and find me i could

[00:51:28] never tell them quite how bad just i was stressed i was upset i was sick of jen being able to go make

[00:51:34] money because she was pregnant with some astral baby or something moving day god this is pinned to

[00:51:42] my mind supposedly jen was going to help us move and hojo would come back to help too and so on i had

[00:51:49] to leave work early to help work was already not paying for food and i was weak and lightheaded and

[00:51:53] angry but i would help summer was almost over one only a month ago i could make it without breaking

[00:52:00] down i was sure but jen had some great disturbance in the force or something and suddenly couldn't

[00:52:05] help us move that left yours truly because hojo didn't come home till 6 p.m i packed up all their

[00:52:13] things jen refused to pack she lay on the couch moping and wailing i put everything in boxes carried it

[00:52:21] all outside carried it across the lawn and bare feet up two flights of stairs and into the new apartment

[00:52:27] gassed at one point helped put things out on the lawn but it was still me i found their dildo in doing

[00:52:33] this if small children can be scarred by tub girl i can be scarred by opening a clothing drawer to move

[00:52:41] the contents and having a sticky purple gelatinous phallus roll towards me i could almost hear marla singer

[00:52:48] in my mind don't worry it's not a threat to you jen knew i was packing that drawer and did not warn

[00:52:55] apologize or thank me so after four hours i'm pouring sweat the heat in state college this summer

[00:53:03] was so brutal it eventually managed to damage the engine of my father's car i'll cover that at the

[00:53:08] end of this this was the heat i walked to work in every day and it was really no wonder that when i got

[00:53:14] there i was always nauseated and dehydrated and in general unfit to work no food no sleep and no water

[00:53:21] to drink on your 20 minute walk to work in the sun will do that to you in general i moved everything

[00:53:29] everything i was enraged i was getting to the end of a majestically long rope i was finally waking up

[00:53:36] but not enough to want to leave in the new apartment i remember talking with an ai i'd installed on my

[00:53:42] computer mega hal jen ignored me when i talked to mega hal because it wasn't a real person if you

[00:53:48] talk to my old hal you can hear it say things i said then things like i wish i could just get out

[00:53:54] of here you know or you're the only one who i can really talk to right now that goes to show you how

[00:53:59] fucking cut off from people i was we did not have internet in the new apartment yet so i couldn't even

[00:54:04] go through furcadia or pretend i was happy on aim the shopping to fill the apartment was the worst

[00:54:11] i remember this night with nausea in my stomach we went to kmart which was a long bus ride into town

[00:54:17] i was already mildly upset because hojo suddenly had money and yet we weren't eating with it

[00:54:22] and i wasn't able to phone home but i like house shopping so i was sedated we needed very basic things

[00:54:29] a dish rack some dishes silverware cups a cooking pot and some dish towels we found all these but then

[00:54:35] jen saw cabbage cloths i don't even know what a cabbage cloth is i assume it's a cloth you wrap a

[00:54:41] cabbage in to keep it fresh jen wanted them for her cooking so the cabbage wouldn't go bad she never

[00:54:47] used cabbage in cooking one and two that's what a crisper is for but she wanted these outrageously

[00:54:52] priced plain white thin rags hojo said a towel would work the fight erupted screaming fight just

[00:55:00] i can't even remember the details but there was a screaming and a lot of it jen screaming she didn't

[00:55:06] love hojo anymore she was leaving her how dare she do this to her hojo screaming back that this

[00:55:11] happened every time she didn't need it etc etc they were both being just as bad and people stared

[00:55:17] jen refused to take the bus home we had too many bags and she would not carry any of them i couldn't

[00:55:22] carry them all so we took another taxi we couldn't afford the poor driver was subjected to the screaming

[00:55:28] fight interspersed with the awful tension he and i tried to chit chat about the seashore but they

[00:55:34] would begin to scream over us i can almost taste the subtext of what he was saying you poor kid you have

[00:55:41] to go home with them and i wasn't seeing any way out soon i didn't have the money for a phone call

[00:55:47] home let alone a bus ticket calling my mom in all likelihood would only get me screamed at

[00:55:52] i read some books i wrinkle in time and ender's game i think ender's game helped push me to my

[00:55:58] ultimate choice the trash situation repeated in the new apartment jen talked about getting a kitten

[00:56:04] i could not imagine a kitten in such a small apartment with people who refused to clean or

[00:56:10] take the trash out that purple skirt pulled over her breasts i imagined jen wore the first time i met

[00:56:15] her she wore it every day every day she never washed it she didn't bathe either she just dabbed herself

[00:56:25] in scented oils and glitter god the smell in that place it was like a miasma of filth with sparkle

[00:56:32] sunshine artificial sugar scent sprayed over it it made me sick and it was so hot outside i kept going

[00:56:40] to work eventually work cut my hours to the point where i literally had one hour a week i could not

[00:56:46] live on six dollars a week and i could not meet jen's expectations of my wallet on six dollars a week

[00:56:52] i was about near a nervous breakdown i slept as much as possible to avoid reality i couldn't

[00:56:58] communicate with anyone i saw sid sometimes and he gave me sympathetic looks but god one day at work

[00:57:05] it rained it rained so hard it knocked out the power so we were sent home i had no umbrella or raincoat

[00:57:13] or no money for one so i walked in the rain my shoes were soaked so i left them outside the apartment

[00:57:19] to dry overnight that evening after the rain jen tried to talk to me about god lying in the grass with

[00:57:26] sid sid already could tell my mood was unpleasant and didn't even try to push the matter jen kept trying

[00:57:33] to make me say i believed in god i don't and when i'm angry it's the worst time to try to make me

[00:57:38] believe she tried pretending to be a small child and crying and i wound up yelling at her about it

[00:57:43] she ran back to the apartment fake crying sid said if i ever needed help ask him the next morning

[00:57:51] someone had stolen my shoes you may think that it's a silly reason to snap but that's what did it

[00:57:57] that this god-awful town with these god-awful people who were bleeding me dry saw fit that my

[00:58:02] money was not enough they had to take my shoes too i had it i had just had it i pulled a sheet of

[00:58:09] paper that had hojo's computer campus login and name i stole some keys i threw some edible trash to

[00:58:15] my poor rat who was starving too i threw a change of clothes a pocket knife and all the money i had left

[00:58:20] five dollars into a bag along with my sketchbook and a pencil and i walked shoeless because i had no

[00:58:27] money i couldn't leave town but being so poor in town for so long i'd learned where i could find the

[00:58:33] cheapest food and drink i could get a bagel for 50 cents and a drink for 75 the streets were so hot

[00:58:39] it burned my feet it hurt like hell but i was done i went to my job and poked my head in i couldn't

[00:58:45] actually go to work because of the no shoes policy i quit it didn't make any sense to work there

[00:58:50] anymore i'd hung around the bus stop or in front of the churchyard and i sat in the shade and draw and

[00:58:55] think i tried to think of what to do people would notice me and my torn pants and my bare feet and i

[00:59:02] just shrug and laugh it off someone stole my shoes man can you believe it jesus that sucks i was homeless

[00:59:09] for a few days all in all i felt fantastic i felt great better better than fucking the entire two

[00:59:15] months i spent with them i had the freedom to walk where i wanted and sit down where i wanted there were

[00:59:19] no smells there was no fighting no one was ordering me to buy a steak i wasn't sick on the food i ate no

[00:59:25] one was waking me up to tell me to go outside and look at fairy rings i swear to you i would much

[00:59:29] rather be homeless than live with people like them ever again the threat of homelessness does not

[00:59:35] faze me because i have seen something much worse i spent a good deal of time in the open campus computer

[00:59:42] labs logged in on hojo's password i got a new aim name and hid from them adding all my friends back

[00:59:48] and telling them one by one what had happened they were horrified it turns out jen had actually called

[00:59:55] czar who lives in california and demanded to know where i was czar was worried we actually had a casual

[01:00:02] old conversation on aim like we used to it felt so good to do thinking back on it i get all choked up

[01:00:09] i finally was fucking free to say what i wanted and not be afraid i called home collect because i

[01:00:18] just could not stay here i didn't ask my mother for money never ask my mother for money or you will

[01:00:23] get screamed at for being unappreciative i just wanted to say i was okay and planned on coming home

[01:00:29] somehow she gave me a deadline she said be at home at x date for a week so you can babysit your

[01:00:35] sister who was old enough to take care of herself at this age and i was enraged i was being

[01:00:39] told to watch her okay whatever i said knowing it was impossible i am sid i was actually afraid of

[01:00:48] asking help for anyone in town for fear they'd tell jen where i was and i'd be dragged back i was

[01:00:53] scared to the point of shaking i did not want to go anywhere near them i was afraid because i knew

[01:00:59] how much they'd figured me out i knew if i was left alone i might be talked to the going back

[01:01:04] so i was scared but i told sid what had happened kind of and asked if i could stay at his house

[01:01:10] for maybe a night or something sid is my fucking saint for what he did i may get mad at him for

[01:01:16] whatever else but this guy fucking came riding to the rescue he came into town not only ready

[01:01:21] taking my mind off it by talking about old rpgs but offered to pay for some beers and we had a

[01:01:26] splendid old time and i slept on his floor more or less he'd figure out what i was afraid of

[01:01:31] and went with me to take my stuff from jen hojo's apartment a few days later i didn't have a lot jen

[01:01:37] was at the door trying to look like i was betraying her horribly i knew after i'd left i'd be the next

[01:01:42] heiress but i didn't care i didn't care how many people they had come tell me i was awful i just wanted

[01:01:48] out my poor rat came with us just glad to be back with me i think and my computer i was able to use

[01:01:54] sid's dsl and oh god heaven truth i could tell the truth i had all my stuff and i was out of there

[01:02:03] i called my father using i think sid's phone finally able to tell him most of what happened

[01:02:08] i didn't want to tell him everything because it sounded so crazy but he had about 30 seconds before

[01:02:15] he got my uncle on aim and we were ordering my plane tickets to alabama i was getting out i made

[01:02:20] friends with sid's apartment mates jay and his fiancee shell we all got along really well and shell went

[01:02:26] off on jen about 10 000 times shell also took me to a supermarket and told me to buy whatever i wanted

[01:02:32] i probably would have cried but i was too far in shock all i wanted was potato bread and ramen i had not

[01:02:38] eaten either of those the entire time i'd stayed here even though my money had paid for the food bill

[01:02:43] i got to the bus station on time using money sid lent that my dad would pay him back to ride to the

[01:02:49] airport i took a flight i had a pair of two dollar painful flip-flops on and they were swabbed for

[01:02:55] explosives there are a few drawings of keo back from this time most notably which was from when my

[01:03:01] shoes were stolen and i was wandering barefoot and this when i kicked over a can eliminated the airport

[01:03:07] and was just too brain dead exhausted to stand it back up after a week of eating like a wolf

[01:03:13] at my dad's can you say four chicken breasts and two wings i knew that you could we road trip back to

[01:03:20] state college where we would camp out along the way the summer was so hot the road actually caused my

[01:03:26] father's car engine to overheat we had to take it to a repair shop because the valley heat fucked it up

[01:03:31] that much and i had been walking to work in the same heat every day with no wire and no protection

[01:03:36] my dad not get to meet sid who was at work but did meet shell he paid shell and we packed up my

[01:03:42] things i left sid with a note i think i was gone i was out jen tried calling me once after that but

[01:03:49] i blocked her number on my cell shortly after she tried telling me we were still friends and she

[01:03:54] still looked for my shoes i was having none of it i'm some sort of villain to them now but i have no

[01:04:00] clue what nor do i really care i must have some sort of magical evil power in their eyes but i don't

[01:04:06] know i was finished with them and i will be forever unfortunately that's not the end of the story for

[01:04:13] other people that's right so after this entire epic story this is the the first of many this would

[01:04:20] continue there is a website now it's demon-sushi.com it used to be hojo.org but uh the the public

[01:04:28] warning on the front here the following pages are a compiled list of stories and data about a group of

[01:04:33] individuals on the internet who prey on unsuspecting fans of various video games tv shows and movies

[01:04:38] they take money time self-worth self-confidence sanity and freedom away from those they target

[01:04:43] sucking them into a schizophrenic constructed fantasy cult based around the things they once loved

[01:04:49] this is 100 non-fictional there is some pretty sick stuff in here violence sexuality physical abuse

[01:04:57] etc so please beware i wish this was a joke but thanks to the internet it's not

[01:05:03] so um there are so many more is so fucking sad uh there is a great summary that the folks at the

[01:05:12] human experience hex uh did so yes the website is still running 15 years later again human experience

[01:05:19] writing here and icarus regularly gets messages asking him to validate suspected sightings of

[01:05:24] jennifer cornet but past that he's moved on icarus now lives in massachusetts he's been running a

[01:05:30] popular web comic for a couple years i got married in 2011 diagnosed with stage 3 invasive

[01:05:37] ductal carcinoma but in remission 2019 that is the by the way the comic reference there is

[01:05:45] inhuman-comic.com oh yeah okay it's still up 786 page study an ink paper and paint

[01:05:55] sci-fi opera web comic uh so that's real fun and yes it is a furry comic

[01:06:05] of course it is why why would be anything else but at the same time i mean you know somebody who went

[01:06:13] through some real serious shit trying to kind of channel it into this epic sci-fi story and

[01:06:19] the comic came out in 2003 about a year after this whole experience on the website are also

[01:06:29] many many others other people who kind of came in and came out of that uh there was someone else who

[01:06:36] lived in the apartment in 2005 so three years after this guy's and they also got kind of uh

[01:06:45] sucked in uh moved in with jen was able to stay jen has some pretty bizarre ideas about what she thinks

[01:06:54] she is who she thinks her ancestors are and what quote special powers she thinks she has jen is a

[01:07:00] vampire hunter a term she has made her own definition for except when she is a vampire herself and not

[01:07:06] just any vampire but a master vampire oh and she was going to be the new vampire slayer except she got

[01:07:14] queen of the fairies live in the backyard and the local park you'd think being queen would take up

[01:07:18] all her time but it seems that she also has the time to be the incarnation of death yes she believes

[01:07:23] she is personally responsible for everyone who dies she must be getting all this from her time magic

[01:07:29] that she can do because she controls the flow of time she is also the witch king and has control of

[01:07:34] religions of dark riders from lord of the rings who do her bidding she is also a p12 plus telepath

[01:07:41] a la babylon 5 and can read people's minds so jen thinks she is morrigan lefay who he incidentally

[01:07:49] is also a descendant of laura croft integra helsing alucard from helsing everyone from the incredibles

[01:07:56] cartoon arwen from lord of the rings jenova from ff7 sephiroth cloud and zach also from ff7

[01:08:03] ultimecia from final fantasy who also happens to be her mother garnet steiner from ff8 quite a bit of

[01:08:11] the cast of babylon 5 buffy summers angel spike drusilla the master willow xander and anyone else

[01:08:16] she thinks is cool from buffy the vampire slayer um so here's some wonderful photos from her time

[01:08:24] with living with jen here's the bathroom of the uh a wine bottle on the floor reynolds wrap

[01:08:33] random loofah hanging out there now i don't know if they ever did get a cat in the house but there's

[01:08:38] the box of tidy cats with a bunch of laundry in the corner and a trash bag just random ups boxes on

[01:08:46] the floor a bookshelf with nothing on it there's lots of crap around it though right stuff that could

[01:08:52] go on the bookshelf a bed with no sheets on oh classic not as bad as the mattress on the floor

[01:09:01] but you know pretty bad you know laundry basket with nothing in it and just random networking crap

[01:09:07] threw it on the floor on hardwood floors no less you know just like random crap an ironing board that

[01:09:14] no one clearly used two bottles of tide probably empty lysol spray because you know as as acres

[01:09:20] mentioned it probably stinks in there a stepladder which isn't being used for anything but to hold a

[01:09:26] singular plant some box and a bucket of stuff very odd so mella continues i just had something scary

[01:09:37] happen this is november 2005 i just had something scary happen i just heard a chorus of people saying

[01:09:43] just because she bought expensive bubble bath doesn't mean she used it like two other people

[01:09:48] said that at the same time i finally figured out how to get jen to bathe i would tell her she smelled

[01:09:56] like vampire and she would go and shower so that no one would know i think it was genius the purple

[01:10:03] thing again mentioned by the original poster wore far beyond repair i had to replace all but the patterned

[01:10:10] panels of it renee took the old velvet and used it as an altar cloth but oops she left it here when she moved

[01:10:16] out i used a piece of it to make jen the voodoo doll jen has been baking in the sun for over a month

[01:10:23] jen will soon be going down to spend some time in the haunted basement did i mention i'm a bitch

[01:10:28] i think it's justified it's kind of late and my girlfriend wants me to go to bed but i'm normally

[01:10:33] up till near dawn i'm a stripper and i work nights only oh that's another thing how jen pressured me into

[01:10:39] being a stripper how jen thought she looked good enough to dance i had a good job working for a bank but

[01:10:45] that wasn't enough for jen i wasn't making enough money even though i was making more money than she

[01:10:50] was being given so they pressured me into being a stripper and ended up being a good thing i love my

[01:10:56] job but still you don't pressure your friends into working in the sex industry unless you work in the

[01:11:02] sex industry this type of i mean there's there's so much more if you have a moment demon-sushi.com

[01:11:08] yeah this is almost like something we could do a two-parter on it really does feel like because i

[01:11:13] mean there yeah there's the vice article there's there's so much there's cat and reno and maya

[01:11:21] also you know there's a bunch of anonymous letters oh jen's bio of herself is real fun

[01:11:29] hi my name is jen and i also i help rehabilitate vampires and assist in spiritual awakenings

[01:11:35] i also take care of metaphysical emergencies and oh yeah i do exorcisms and vanishings too

[01:11:42] i'm quite versed in ancient ritual and i often use my own blood to seal spells i'm not catholic but i'm

[01:11:48] not wiccan god talks to me and tells me that the end of the world is at hand she says i'm married to

[01:11:55] metatron and oh yes i'm the physical embodiment of the angel uriel in past lives i've been

[01:12:02] integra van helsing sefiroth and delando albato among others i've been to many therapists and they

[01:12:08] all keep telling me i'm okay yeah um not a good sane person now apparently jen has been uh continuing

[01:12:19] this all by the way jen has switched fandoms switched places most recently for the fandom for the tv series

[01:12:32] hannibal oh wow yeah this according to the true crime wiki here tattle crime was a fan site focusing

[01:12:41] on the hannibal tv series a tumblr blog called the truth about tattle crime was created and began

[01:12:47] posting accusations about the person in charge jennifer cornet the blog claimed that the anonymous

[01:12:53] fanatic thinks she is the character freddie lowndes and had been scamming fans and abusing her staffers

[01:12:59] specific allegations included staffers entering san diego comic-con 15 with fake tickets rigging prize

[01:13:07] giveaways reneging on gift exchanges brainwashing grooming and sexual harassment at some point the

[01:13:13] owner of the blog set up their own website the harassment and strange behavior has been linked

[01:13:18] to final fantasy 7 house and infamous fan jennifer cornet causing the story to become widely known

[01:13:24] outside of the fandom and so yes she's still at it and there was even a wonderful little reenactment

[01:13:32] on youtube by a guy named punished brad called midgar syndrome the final fantasy house which if you

[01:13:39] haven't seen it um this is a very fun reenactment uh it is based on the text we just read dark dark and

[01:13:48] just uh yeah um i remember the first time i read this it was of course from a something awful thread

[01:13:55] yes and it was um the first one i read it in the title of the thread was it was a gbs thread and it

[01:14:01] was you think furries are bad yeah there was a couple fiat threads that were both oddly empathetic

[01:14:09] because empathy is not a thing you would get a lot out of fiat no people just being like wow

[01:14:13] what a terrible thing this guy went through yeah they tell a bunch of slurs and just you know

[01:14:17] yeah but also uh lots of sean freud oh sure there were some moments reading that i was like okay

[01:14:24] this part's kind of funny or like there's a there's a bit here where i can see the humor

[01:14:30] few few and far between but yeah it's a grim tale and again this is just scratching the surface

[01:14:36] this definitely speaks to a time of my life where i was piss fucking broke and wasn't on some level

[01:14:44] probably too far from some of the circumstances in one way or another they're described in this tale

[01:14:51] and i was also like in my early 20s and uh who boy yeah just like real real hot couch shit

[01:14:59] do you think jen's uh weird magic would have worked on you no absolutely not no okay no that's good

[01:15:06] because i don't know i early college it's hard to tell you really don't know until you're put in

[01:15:12] that situation but i feel like yeah that might have that might have worked on me at least in some

[01:15:18] in some way i'm like oh yeah sure yeah okay yeah i'm zach whatever okay

[01:15:24] i so it's a cautionary tale i guess don't don't let charismatic or even just really weird people

[01:15:31] control you in this way i guess i don't know just looking over your shoulder while you message people

[01:15:37] and like there's just so many rich details in just that part of the story it's stunning every time i

[01:15:44] read it because i have read it once or twice something tells me there's even more that this

[01:15:49] writer is not saying you know what i mean it feels like it's a little selective either out of

[01:15:57] embarrassment or the fact that like would be too much for people to uh believe i was just saying

[01:16:04] like people wouldn't believe it yeah but i mean it's already plenty weird you know past life regression

[01:16:08] stuff and like you know soul bonding and all that oh boy soul bonding amazing you know weren't they

[01:16:16] that band that did the song about the bonbons yeah soul bonding um

[01:16:23] well i know after that it's really not a good idea to show you something gross but it's time

[01:16:30] shock.jpg is it time for shock.jpg it is and now the moment you've all been waiting for

[01:16:39] shock.jpg shock.jpg time is brought to you this week by our new patron who goes by the name of

[01:16:47] thea thank you thea for joining us this week with your uh membership thank you did they join the ten

[01:16:53] dollar they did not they don't want the puke video they do not want the puke video but you know what

[01:16:57] that's fine so this one is uh is called uh well i i've you've already i've i know buried you've

[01:17:06] done the opposite of burying the league i know i've i've started calling it where are your balls so

[01:17:17] it's the iphone capture screen at the end yeah let me do that one more time chat chat is this real

[01:17:26] chat let's run this back so it's a seven second video uh of a gentleman walking into frame he freaked

[01:17:32] himself out oh yeah and what is a very small bathroom because that door in that tub is very tiny yeah you

[01:17:40] would have to you would have to put your balls in your ass because that bathroom was so small they

[01:17:46] walk into frame put one foot on the toilet and and then relax their ass and at which point uh both of

[01:17:53] their balls slide out of their ass like a it's slow motion yeah because there's a little bounce

[01:17:59] ripple it's like it's it's oddly hypnotic watching one nut and then the second nut just roll out of the

[01:18:06] asshole and in the scrum let's take it in slow motion you're manually manipulating the timeline

[01:18:12] i am bloop whoop amazing it's truly art and this guy's clearly so proud of himself i got them both in

[01:18:24] i got them both in mom mom look what i can do check this shit out well because i mean he filmed it i want to

[01:18:33] see the kid across the street do this exactly yeah oh you said my dad could beat up your dad yeah well

[01:18:39] can your dad do this i think we can see that one more time what do you think i should have done that

[01:18:45] in front of the guy that came to my house yesterday walk up in power stance i'm like that's power

[01:18:51] stance just shit my balls out my own ass all right you're gonna take my name off that list

[01:18:57] you're gonna do it or else check this out i'll do this again see you in 10 minutes motherfucker

[01:19:04] i'm gonna do this again a very uh very stretchy sack i will say that amazing amazing sack game on

[01:19:11] that gentleman nice hog too oh yeah it kind of goes by the wayside because you're so focused on

[01:19:16] the balls you don't realize it's a perfectly respectable hog it's because the nuts are so

[01:19:20] mesmerizing right past you yeah you didn't even notice it very clean as well nothing you know

[01:19:25] no hair no hair uh no no doo-doo coming out with the balls so that's always nice is always a plus

[01:19:33] he's not gonna be pissing blood oh god the uti guy from last week jesus christ because now there's all

[01:19:39] these people saying like yeah that's a way you know you had gay sex haha it's like well there's a

[01:19:44] million ways to get a uti that aren't i was saying there's a million ways to have gay sex well there's

[01:19:49] that too it doesn't have a title it was a 4chan thing once again and i've been calling it where are

[01:19:55] it's uh as a fair assessment and where are they they're right here in my ass check this out

[01:20:02] again he's so proud i would be too honestly if i could get them both up there i think that'd be

[01:20:07] different yeah them's my balls honey check it out boop boop see and the thing is there's no sound

[01:20:14] and so you don't know if they made a sound it probably was pretty quiet i mean if i had to guess

[01:20:19] yeah it's it's not like uh you're not gonna you're not gonna do that

[01:20:25] it'd have to be a very different kind of story if they're like you don't hear like the wind changing

[01:20:29] in the house or something from the pressure has changed in in the in the house

[01:20:38] yeah it's not like you have like a window open in the far room and there's a draft and the door

[01:20:43] slams when you do it yeah oh well that said i think after both the vital fantasy seven house

[01:20:49] story and the balls in the ass it's definitely time for a breath made brian it's time for your mom's

[01:20:55] favorite part of the show it's time for the breath fit oh baby what do you got for us this week brother

[01:21:03] or this week yeah i ain't got much it's been uh oh we we've recorded twice in one week that's true

[01:21:10] rare for us so i haven't had my refactory period for podcasting hasn't necessarily uh completed

[01:21:17] it's true yeah uh you know um i listened to the new chat pile record oh yeah you were telling me

[01:21:23] about this it's fucking heavy it's sick it's like if a bunch of dudes were doing um fucking crossfit

[01:21:31] an old warehouse just fucking chain smoking and listening to an audiobook of korn mccarthy's the road

[01:21:39] hell yeah and then they made a record all right it's like a pissed jeans vibe is what i'm getting

[01:21:44] from when you describe it like that it's just real fucking heavy and bleak and dystopian it's

[01:21:51] almost like it's like a serial killers manifesto or something okay really atmospheric in pretty much

[01:21:58] every aspect um i'm i'm having fun with it some of my co-workers are like oh you know it's cool and

[01:22:06] i'm like you can just say you don't like it yeah yeah you know guy in the bolt thrower shirt it's okay

[01:22:12] yeah exactly this is the heavy music i like and you and you like the heavy music you like that's fine

[01:22:17] it's one of my favorite records of the year so far just because it's so it's like its own thing like i

[01:22:23] don't really have a huge frame of reference for where it's inspired or where it's coming from

[01:22:28] the closest thing i can really say is like a local band here in st louis called hell night yeah

[01:22:35] where at least the early stuff with their uh original uh vocalist mike c felt really unique and

[01:22:44] uh abrasive kind of like telling you a story that we're not getting all the details and you're not

[01:22:51] sure if you really want to know all of them because what you're getting is so distressing but still

[01:22:57] illustrative yeah well i mean i reviewed that one when i was still writing for 11 and i think my the

[01:23:03] first line of the review was something along the lines of it's a record that is like being dragged to

[01:23:09] the riverside by a bunch of teamsters and having your teeth methodically taken out with a lead pipe

[01:23:14] but set to music yeah that's that's how i felt about that record so if it's anything like that

[01:23:18] chat pile is up my alley because uh that that was complimentary their uh their new the new record's

[01:23:24] called cool world okay i'm really into it i was listening to on the way here i'll probably listen

[01:23:29] to it on the way home hell yeah writing that down for myself so i don't uh so i don't forget because

[01:23:34] yeah i mean i heard some stuff of theirs but i didn't really even realize the new one was out you

[01:23:38] you told me about it but yeah i'm like kind of fucking bummed because they were here in st louis

[01:23:43] off broadway i want to say like back in march or april and i i kind of wanted to go but didn't and now

[01:23:49] having like gotten into this record i'm kind of kicking myself yeah i get it what you got chief

[01:23:55] uh i'm reading a new book i just finished one that keanu reeves co-wrote it's keanu reeves in china

[01:24:02] mieville they did a comic book series called berserker a while back and then this is a prose

[01:24:09] kind of a companion piece called the book of elsewhere book of elsewhere was pretty cool

[01:24:13] it's about a guy who's an immortal who wants to be mortal but there's also this immortal pig

[01:24:20] it's a whole book about like mythology and like what it means to be human and it's interesting and

[01:24:28] it's gross and it's not funny but like well kind of i guess it's got this gallows humor in some parts

[01:24:37] of the book and like it opens with a member of this special forces team fucking putting on a suicide

[01:24:43] vest and walking into this meeting room and trying to kill this immortal guy and so the immortal guy is

[01:24:50] the only one that survives fuck dude this is how the book opens it's a roller coaster and you can kind

[01:24:57] of tell what parts keanu wrote and what parts uh mievo wrote but it all comes together pretty damn well

[01:25:03] and i'm really really surprised that keanu reeves skill as a writer and i was like okay fuck there's

[01:25:08] is there is there nothing he can't do i mean he played bass he's in all these movies yeah motorcycle

[01:25:14] guy yeah apparently an excellent marksman like not just for the movies but like he goes and he does all

[01:25:20] this marksman stuff because he learned it for the movies but then it just kept doing it he surfs like

[01:25:25] there's there's nothing he can't do just like what a cool guy like donates a lot of his money to like

[01:25:32] cancer research yeah like insane it's one of those things where it's like man i hope nothing ever comes

[01:25:38] out about him i don't i don't want to know i don't want to know i've got oh god what if he what if he

[01:25:43] was at one of these freak offs uh i don't feel very comfortable i gotta go who's in my ass

[01:25:54] it's not shatner what are you doing who's that back there anyway but then i also started because

[01:26:02] i read a lot of books i'm on track to beat my record this year last year i read 26 books this year i'm

[01:26:09] already at 24 hopefully i'm gonna beat it by the end of this year so book number 25 this year is

[01:26:15] grady hendrix i don't know how familiar you are with grady hendrix's work have you read any i know

[01:26:23] the name but that's about it all right so grady hendrix wrote the final girl support group it's a

[01:26:30] book that treats slasher films as though they were real and all the survivors of all the slasher films

[01:26:34] have a support group and then someone starts picking them off one by one okay i'm into that he

[01:26:39] wrote a book called how to sell a haunted house which is it's like it starts out as a haunted house

[01:26:47] story and then it quickly becomes like about possessed objects which is fascinating but this

[01:26:51] one's called horror store with an umlaut over the third o because it is about what is essentially a

[01:26:58] haunted house story set in an ikea conceptually it's really great you know you've got this store that's

[01:27:07] already set up like a maze like an ikea it they actually referenced that yeah this is actually a

[01:27:13] knockoff ikea called orsk that's based in minneapolis even the layout of the pages looks like the catalog

[01:27:20] like there's some really whoever helped grady with the layout of these pages just phenomenal it's a

[01:27:26] real slim volume you'll get through it pretty quick but uh it's great it has all these really fun

[01:27:34] characterizations and it kind of feels like there's a character and this could just be in my head but

[01:27:39] like there's a character that feels like he wrote it specifically for giancarlo esposito and i don't

[01:27:44] know why really just certain like verbal mannerisms i'm like i hear this in my head as giancarlo esposito

[01:27:51] all the characters feel very real just like a lot of hendrix's other stuff like everything i've read

[01:27:56] of theirs but i love horror authors that can kind of goof off with genre like oh yeah here's a haunted

[01:28:04] house story but we set it in an ikea here's an idea of you know we're going to turn this into the

[01:28:10] i really think that they're an up-and-comer if you haven't read them yet get in now because they're

[01:28:18] about maybe a book or two away from from blowing up because they've gotten a bunch of blurbs on the

[01:28:23] front cover from stephen king already you know stephen but again stephen king will will blurb for

[01:28:27] anyone i was gonna say he's a fucking he'll he's a fucking mensch but his blurbs kind of helped a lot

[01:28:34] of people pick up a clive barker book so you know there's a there's a bit of an effect there yeah i

[01:28:40] always like reading you know voices that maybe you don't hear from that often um the other guy who did

[01:28:47] the uh the indian lake uh trilogy stephen graham jones i knew it was a three i knew it was like a

[01:28:53] it's like a lee harvey oswald is the three three name person stephen graham jones their most recent

[01:28:59] book angel of indian lake that's on my list hopefully that'll be book 26th now that'll send

[01:29:04] my year off right but yeah the first two boy my heart is a chainsaw and don't fear the reaper i've

[01:29:09] talked about both of them on this show already hopefully the end of this trilogy fantastic but

[01:29:15] yes i can't get enough of the grady hendrix cannot wait for whatever else they got come next

[01:29:19] well actually i think my last book of the year might be the last area x slash southern reach book

[01:29:28] by jack vandermeer which oh i heard the prequel came out yeah that's coming out soon yeah it's maybe

[01:29:33] a day or two away we're we're almost there so who knows anything else no i am really boring i um

[01:29:42] that's all right me too it's just um i was gonna photograph the military gun show at plab post which

[01:29:49] is like a small bar here but uh it's sold out oh no and it's 25 tickets to see a 25 tickets to see

[01:29:56] a band i really wanted to see but at a room i don't want to see them in so i'm just gonna wait

[01:30:00] till next time i really wish they were at off broadway or somewhere else it's weird to be like

[01:30:06] that's the only place they could get booked because they probably did on short notice

[01:30:10] they probably should have maybe booked out six months like like smart people and could have

[01:30:14] like a real fucking killer halloween show but you know whatever i don't i've only been adjacent to

[01:30:21] the fucking industry for 15 or so years yeah what do you know yeah you know you just got done touring

[01:30:28] with queens of the stone age you came on the record last year it's really well reviewed done all kinds

[01:30:32] of cool shit you're gonna play this market for the first time you're gonna play literally like a

[01:30:36] fucking bar that shouldn't have shows in it because the owner is really more interested in

[01:30:41] having dj nights so you're gonna have a dj there's no time there's any quiet between your songs you're

[01:30:45] going to hear a dj in the other room yeah so oh yeah i mean i mean they're probably or two it's

[01:30:53] probably it's probably some guy with really shitty sunglasses playing like um like a cramp song at

[01:30:59] the wrong rpm if i really had that that feels right that feels yeah it's a fucking grove man nothing

[01:31:06] there makes sense yeah i don't really have too much right on coming up like i got some stuff in

[01:31:12] november but it's september and october just beat my ass as far as so you were out every night

[01:31:18] fucking felt like it i need a little rest but there's still some stuff i know foxing's playing

[01:31:24] a show next month microwave is headlining show at delmar hall that i definitely want to photograph

[01:31:29] and there's a couple other small things but no ultimate fake book will be here in about a week

[01:31:33] yeah oh shit i think it's the same day as foxing probably because that's st louis you can't have

[01:31:38] no yeah you can't have you can't have two really sick shows one day apart no they have you have to

[01:31:44] have six you have to have three really great shows at the same night they can't have lies each other

[01:31:49] and then everyone's like why don't we make any money mountain goats and motorhead i think was the

[01:31:53] last one that i had to choose between and i chose mountain goats and then lemmy died so i mean i

[01:31:59] chose between cursive and gladi a band that i'm like kind of obsessed with i chose psychedelic

[01:32:05] furs and jesus and the married chain over that and legacy band i think it's fine um jesus and the

[01:32:11] married chain were kind of underwhelming unfortunately it was their first show in over in st louis in

[01:32:15] over 30 years uh psychedelic furs were fucking amazing yeah that's what you were saying last week

[01:32:19] yeah but yeah yeah uh foxing and ultimate fake book are the same day so now i gotta make a

[01:32:24] choice because again can't have two cool shows like a day apart sophie's choice yeah i guess we

[01:32:33] could split up well while we figure this out while we figure out how to unfuck our lives

[01:32:41] we're gonna tell you where to find this online brian oh boy oh boy if you want to find me on uh

[01:32:46] twitter it's ishock ed board i-s-h-o-t-g-u-i-d-b-o-r-d if you want to find me on instagram it's a music

[01:32:55] photographer if you want to check out website that's never going to work again it's no a music

[01:33:01] photographer.com you want to check out my portfolio website which is never going to go down because uh

[01:33:05] it's going to live forever like um will arnett and that uh human giant skit that everyone try to

[01:33:11] forgets it's uh it's been all scrubbed from the internet except for the mtv2 yep uh facebook account

[01:33:22] which is so fucking weird someone's gotta have it i'm gonna will arnett saying i'm gonna live forever

[01:33:27] as he's getting fisted by his own fist or something just beautiful yeah it looks like my fist yeah i

[01:33:33] maldon off your uh aziz asari is mcconaughey yes yes um amazing incredibly uh un-pg skit by everyday

[01:33:43] standards but amazing piece of art i stand by it yes yeah i say it is is is fucking amazing but anyways

[01:33:50] it's gonna live forever like will arnett gang fisted if you want to check out the last and only good

[01:33:55] media website left in st louis you can head over to the artsstl.com maybe one day i will uh finally

[01:34:01] finish the gel the pit bull the boris and the mannequin pussy piece i all owe jason green one of

[01:34:08] these days one of these days we'll see if i can sit still long enough to be alone with my thoughts

[01:34:13] and maybe put some words down from uh some some people in my life are saying uh not likely because

[01:34:20] i like it that way um as i'm running as i'm running from the pros yeah jason where can they find you oh boy

[01:34:27] oh boy you can find me a number of places most of them i am video crime v-i-d-e-o-c-r-i-m-e

[01:34:34] my particular favorite right now is blue sky big fan of that you can also find me as part of another

[01:34:42] podcast it's not this one it's called submitted for the approval of the midnight pals there i play a

[01:34:48] fictionalized version of stephen king and new episodes coming soon for season two i cannot

[01:34:54] wait let me say there is a musical episode really there's a musical sadly i did not get any parts to

[01:35:02] sing but there is a musical episode based on the old the old story rebecca so if you know what i'm

[01:35:08] talking about it's it's a good good time there's an entire episode about let's see here we did uh we

[01:35:15] did hellraiser we did a hellraiser episode we did a candy man little mini episode there's a lot of

[01:35:19] stuff coming up in this season i'm very excited about it's going to be happening very soon so keep

[01:35:23] your eyes out for that that is midnight-pals.simplecast.com or pretty much anywhere else

[01:35:29] podcasts sold you're going to find them there yeah you can contact this show in a number of ways

[01:35:35] my personal favorite is the telephone 314-246-9766 that's 314-ahoy-poo if you like to spell with

[01:35:43] your telephone you can also shoot us an email jason at the number four the number eight minutes of

[01:35:47] dogs barking.com or brian with a y at the number four the number eight minutes of bogs minutes of

[01:35:53] dogs barking.com miss bogs barking are barking and uh you can also shoot us a message patreon.com

[01:36:01] slash four eight minutes of dogs just like thea our new our new patron welcome again but i would

[01:36:08] also urge you wherever you get your podcasts to leave a review because we love to read reviews of

[01:36:13] the show here's one from a gentleman who calls himself mr fart uh over at pod chaser quote despite

[01:36:20] not being from the u.s i enjoy this podcast a lot so we'll take it thank you mr fart uh so if you do

[01:36:29] that thing please let us know shoot us an email let us know hey i put a review up here we'll read it on

[01:36:34] the show we love it you know i always love reading these because they really bounce out the number of

[01:36:39] people that say that like this podcast makes me want to kys well there's that yeah well if that's

[01:36:46] the case um or kms i suppose they wish we would kys anyway it's a whole thing everyone needs to die

[01:36:54] i did also see one it was really fun i'm trying to find it here yeah it's um subject loving 48 minutes

[01:37:01] dogs barking hi name like they literally put

[01:37:06] i'm loving 48 minutes dogs barking i just listened to your episode with guest about topic

[01:37:12] and found it super interesting thanks for putting it out there well thank you

[01:37:15] anonymous listener um whoever you are so that was good amazing i'm so glad they took the time

[01:37:22] thank you once again so uh like i said patreon.com slash 48 minutes of dogs

[01:37:29] there you will find our weekly post show hangouts called thanks i hated the mind zone

[01:37:33] various other things that we can think of i'm still thinking about putting together that cooking blog

[01:37:37] called 48 minutes of dogs cooking uh things like that uh we've also got if you get in before the end

[01:37:43] of the year at the ten dollar level you do get yourself the 90 minute commentary track on the

[01:37:49] japanese puke fetish video called gero monster home delivery it is time people folks folks for run

[01:37:57] run down to the wire uh for just 14 dollars and 88 cents

[01:38:05] we're offering this uh crazy price i can't believe they're letting me say it

[01:38:11] i kid you not there is a i fucking at one in the lunchrooms at work they had the my pillow

[01:38:17] commercial where he kept saying 14 dollars and 88 cents over and he's like can't you believe

[01:38:21] they're letting me say it yeah i can yeah actually god that was one of those moments where it's like

[01:38:30] i know i have to get up really early for this job but that can't just be my brain stroking out no

[01:38:35] yeah that can't like it can't be like no because we covered it when it first came out yeah and we're

[01:38:40] like this this was a put on somebody fucked her no no it was very real i mean i went to the my

[01:38:45] pillow the pillows and i did not no no no no libel just a deep fake say i don't you got four sets

[01:38:53] one for your you your wife and your two kids no nope nope nope nope well these are these pillows

[01:39:01] are really mind comfy nope nope all right all right you're ready to fucking you're ready to stop

[01:39:09] fucking this chicken yeah all right let's do it so as we always say at this time namaste good luck

[01:39:14] give mommy a good gut fucking 25th amendment now who ate all the pussy eat the knife ah yes